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Carrie Prejean just recently got engaged to St.Louis Rams quarterback Kyle Boller. This is kind of good news for me cause I live in St.Louis and the next time I am at a downtown club I might run in to Carrie and sweep her off her feet and take her back to my $2 mil loft. She is as good as mine, we just have to dig up some dirt on Boller. Feel free to e-mail me if you got any dirt on that asshole.

The Rams had a pretty shitty season this year by only winning one maybetwo games. Seeing as Carrie is a tabloid target and is engaged to someone who is on America’s worst team and Kim Kardashian is dating Reggie Bush the running back from this season’s best team, it seems that Kim has won the tabloid battle with Prejean. Does that mean I wanna fuck Kim more than Carrie? Fuck no! Just had to be said.

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It is being reported that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a violent relationship when they were still together. A source close tot he couple said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” she told Radar. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.”

See this is why LiLo needs to keep her eyes on the cock. When she was in a gay relationship all that did was cause her to be less of a train wreck and get lumps on her head. If she was chasing dick she would have not only been safer but she would have made some pretty cool tabloid headlines as well. I hope she learned her lesson and performs thirty hail Marys in repentance. If she doesn’t, Sam Ronson will break her fingers with a ruler.

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Mel Gibson sat down to talk to some bullshit microscopic Chicago morning show to talk about his new movie Edge Of Darkness and when the reporter asked him about his anti-semetic rantings and drunken behavior from the past he said, “that was four years ago dude.” After the interview wrapped Mel said, “bye bye” and then under his breath muttered, “asshole.”

I watched this video or at least the last part of it three times and I didn’t hear him say asshole at all. One thing I did notice was that Mel looked like he was under the influence of about a pound of crystal meth. He kept looking all over the place and making weird faces when there wasn’t anything to make faces about. Mel is a fucking weirdo and I don’t care about his movie. Granted that this flick will be a definite to rent as soon as it comes to wal-Mart but I am not shelling out $8 at the theatre to see it. OK I am done bitching, Mel you’re weird and you’re an asshole as well. End.

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The other day Heidi Montag went back to Colorado, her hometown, to visit her mother after she underwent about 18 million plastic surgery procedures. When she saw her mother, he mother didn’t recognize her and Heidi describes her mother’s reaction as, “She was looking at me almost like a zoo animal. It wasn’t like I was her daughter anymore. She was looking at me like I was a circus freak.”

I have been looking at Heidi Montag as a circus freak for years so now me and her mother have something in common. Maybe that means me and Montag’s mom can hook up. That would mean I would be Heidi’s father and I could ground her to her room and not be in front of the paparazzi anymore and if she did look into the cameras I could send her to bed without supper. Yes. This is genius. Why hasn’t anyone else ever thought of this?

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There is some cracknut producer in Hollywood that thinks since he is a big name producer he can do anything he likes. Like pair up Lindsay Lohan and Lady GaGa for example. The guys name is Rodney Jerkins and he should be shot. This would be a terrible pairing. The two have nothing in common except they both like to eat bush every now and then.

GaGa just did a Grammy performance with Elton John and knocked the performance out of the ball park. Meanwhile Lindsay was busy getting rejected for yet another movie role and sniffing dexedrine in the men’s bathroom. Chick has zero talent. I would like to see the performance for sure cause I would love to see LiLo get upstaged. Little LiLo. Such a stupid little girl. She will never play with the big dogs.

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