Archive for July, 2010
Anna Fermanova Sexy Russian… Spy?
Jul 29th
Opulance: I has it, comrade.
Is this Russian kitten the newest Russian spy to be caught red handed in act of espionage? I don’t know, but that lead sentence really has me titillated! Apparently, the only thing Russia produces these days is high end Vodka and smoking hot duplicitous lying whores spies. The Smoking Gun has the arrest affidavit of Anna Fermanova the Texas via Moscow hottie who just tried to Smuggle military grade night vision scopes from JFK to Mama Russkia for um, hunting? Warm my barrels TSG.
Anna Fermanova, 24, was arrested earlier this month when she returned to the United States after spending four months overseas. She was charged with “knowingly and intentionally” attempting to export “from the United States to Russia defense articles on the United States Munitions list.”
Arguing that there was a “serious risk” that Fermanova would flee the country, federal prosecutors in Dallas asked a magistrate judge to jail her without bail. That request was denied by Judge Renee Harris Toliver, who released Fermanova on $50,000 bond, but seized her passport and placed her on 24-hour-a-day home incarceration.
Those items on the “munitions list” happened to be a military grade Raptor 4x Night Vision Scope which is perfect for shooting minks in the Ukranian twilight. Or tapping a headshot on a Chechen rebel at 800 yards. Although this Latvian beauty risked it all to smuggle illegal contraband from the USA, perhaps…*Dateline Voiceover* … the most damning evidence was to come.
Palmer said that Fermanova emigrated with her parents from Latvia when she was a young girl, and is now a U.S. citizen. According to an information sheet prepared by Agent Mondanaro, the 5′ 6″ defendant turned 24 on July 4. Additionally, while she has no tattoos, Fermanova does have a belly piercing, Mondanaro reported
Although her Facebook page is sadly down, we have evidence of this purported “bellyring” in the pics below. Let’s just hope some Anna Chapman style nudes come out soon!
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- Opulance: I has it, comrade.
Spencer Pratt Chose Fame Over Heidi (HUH?)
Jul 19th
"God, I love me..."
Apparently, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have gotten a divorce and holyfuckinshit, I don’t care. Divorce? NOFUCKINGWAY! Was it mental cruelty? Irreconcilable differences? Adultry? Potted meat? Sodomize me with information, PEOPLE:
“We love each other but I’m a famewhore and I’ll never grow out of it,” Pratt tells PEOPLE. “[Heidi] knows that and doesn’t want that.”
“I want every kind of press,” he says. “She believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer.”
As for their infamous “Speidi,” moniker, Pratt says his estranged wife “doesn’t want to be Speidi anymore. She wants to be Heidi Montag: the sex symbol.” [Triple D titties have that effect-Fatback]
Don’t count this badmotherfingerer out though. Spencer loves it when a plan comes together…like in that one show that time. Here’s more from the vox populi, emphasis mine.
When fighting cyber crime fell through, [Whaaa...?- F.] Pratt says he decided to grow a beard and turn to art. “I’m switching it up,” he says. “I’ve already gone for the blonde, spiky-haired look. Now I’m going for the Hollywood producer look.”
Continues Pratt: “I’m an artist now. I have an easel and everything. I’m going for an art show and a gallery.”
I’m assuming that this quote was taken while Spencer Pratt sat in a kiddie pool of crystal meth. He went on to say that, he’s “pretty sure he’s a lock for that CIA clandestine services job on their career page, and also have you seen Michelle Obama’s ass? Tell me I never have to leave this room! Sweet.” Hey Spencer, here are some pictures of your ex-wife failing at nudity. Also, she’ll be fucking other dudes soon. Paint a pony for me!
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- “God, I love me…”
Lindsay Lohan Hires OJ Lawyer
Jul 16th
Looks like Lindsay lawyered up and checked herself into a rehab clinic so she can get out of going to jail for 90 days. Because that’s what you do in Holywood, you get out of shit because you’re rich and/or willing to suck old cock. Glamor me PEOPLE:
Lindsay Lohan, who has been ordered to report to jail by next Tuesday, has checked herself into Pickford Lofts, a sober-living house in Los Angeles founded by famed defense attorney Robert Shapiro.
But what’s that PEOPLE? There’s more? Nuh. UH.
“Robert Shapiro is not yet Lindsay’s official lawyer,” [She hasn't officially blown him yet - Fatback] a source tells PEOPLE, adding that Shapiro connected with Lohan after being contacted [blown by -F.] by one of her acquaintances. While in the facility, Lohan will be meeting with [blowing. teehee this is fun! I could do this all day!- F.] addiction specialists, so, the source adds, “Shapiro can assess Lindsay’s situation before he makes an announcement that he’s her lawyer [boyfriend. Ok,I'm done now-F.].”
Her voluntary admission into the sober house was done in the hopes that her jail sentence would get modified.
“She’s trying to make an effort,” the source says. “The hope is that the judge either reduces the sentence or tosses it out have have Lindsay stay in a facility instead of jail. The hope is that the judge sees Lindsay getting treatment and put her in an inpatient [rehab] program for 90 days instead of jail. Lindsay is not trying to fight or appeal the sentence, but adjust it.” (source)
I just hope her idiot father doesn’t try to take credit for this and work in a dig at Dina Lohan. Whup, spoke too soon. TMZ, roll that beautiful bean footage:
Michael Lohan tells TMZ, “Why is that I had to cry from the mountain for Lindsay to listen to me, and now finally she is doing what I said?
I just pray they implement everything else I said, like getting Lindsay clean of all meds, picking all new friends and management, and that Dina put her motives aside and she go to counseling with Lindsay and me.” (source)
If this chick gets out of going to jail by staying at what amounts to a resort for snot-nose rich kids, then I will eat my shorts. Or I will eat a pork adobo sandwich. And like…drink a, um, a Mexican beer. Yeah…yeah. Take that, Justice system.
Here’s Lindsay Lohan posing for GQ Germany, to which photo credit is owed. Score.
Erica Rose is a Beautiful Princess
Jul 15th
Huzzah! I'm the Queen of Boobs!
This is Erica Rose, reality tv star of the show Emily is the Princess of Stuff, Y’all! playing daily in her own head. Honestly I have no idea about the tiara so I’m assuming she’s batshit. Hrm…no Wikipedia entry. SHE MUST NOT EXIST. Wait, IMDB to the rescue. She’s actually on a “reality” show called ‘You’re Cut Off’, where rich mommies and daddies pretend to cut off their spoiled brat douchbag kids for a couple of weeks to the delight of all.
“Muffy, aren’t we progressive rich fucks for pretending to cut our unappreciative, entitled cocksucker 30 year old kid off?” “Why yes, Dirk, we fucking sure are! HAHAHAHA!. Let’s have another human baby fat cocktail to celebrate. CHAIRS!”
Here’s more Princess Erica advertising for her daddy’s plastic surgery skillz:
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- Huzzah! I’m the Queen of Boobs!
