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Paris Hilton has crawled out of her movie role slump and has actually gotten a pretty decent role. Of course this will require zero acting because she is going to play herself. Apparently she will only be on the set for one day but she is demanding a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and live lobsters to be prepared for that day.

If I were in charge of the celebrity demands, I would give her live crawdads and a bottle of Smirnoff ice. That should send a message. Of course if Paris really got hungry she could just boil some of those crabs that are crawling around on her crotch but I hear the vagisil she rubs on everyday would make them taste soapy. Paris does not like soapy.

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Last year Paris Hilton starred in a film called Pledge This! It was a monumental flop and at the time people were making a big hullabaloo over the fact that she didn’t show up to the red carpet U.S. premiere, because Paris never misses a red carpet event, and that she cancelled on a couple of late night talk shows she was scheduled to do to promote the film.

National Lampoons didn’t like this and sued Paris for over $8 million. As of today, the court threw out the case but it is possible that Paris will have to pay the $1 million she made in the movie which is basically one Carls Jr. ad for the socialite. To help pay the $1 million to the producers, Paris is charging the crabs that live on her crotch rent at $200 a week each.

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Not too long ago Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt called it quits on their relationship. Apparently Paris got sick of having sex in bathrooms of night clubs and sucking face in public. But now she is back with Doug Reinhardt, as of a few weeks ago. Doug Reinhardt looks like a cool guy, not the typical douche bag that socialites like Paris Hilton usually dates.

Usually at or around this time I get very jealous and don’t want Paris Hilton dating anyone but me. As sweet as it would be to fuck her, I know in real life that I wouldn’t even if I had the chance because I am not a big fan of little crabs crawling around on my balls and causing me to scratch them until I bleed. However, if Doug likes bumps on his wee-wee from Paris’ hoo-ha, then no one can really stop him.

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