Fatback Media

So this is Heidi Montag in in her *ahem* adult magazine photoshoot.

Two things:

1. I’ve seen more nudity in the Bible
2. I’ve seen less airbrushing on a beaded t-shirt in Myrtle Beach South Carolina

Why do they airbrush the SHIT out of these things? She’s like 24 and has huge tits. She’s all set. It’s not like she’s some aging actress trying to get back some of the glory of the Buffy days (sorry Kristy! Call me!). We don’t need “sexy elegant” here. This magazine sits on the back of the toilet in a frat house, not the desk of the CEO of Bank of America next to Yachting Digest.  I mean how classy can you really be with your tits hanging out in a spank mag photo session? But I digress…

Speaking of naked tits. THERE ARE NONE. It’s the ultimate tease by a girl who will probably make every man in her life put his fist through a wall. I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t give you partial credit. So, enjoy? These will probably be gone within a few hours.

Cheryl Tweedy is my new favorite singer. I’ve never heard of her before but she has great tits and a microphone, so I’m sure she’s amazing. I assume she’s British because I’ve never heard of her and people with tits hanging out like that tend to get noticed here in the US of A (if her name wasn’t Tweedy I would have gone with Hispanic – Mexicans have the hottest singers, God knows what the hell they’re saying but they sure do look purdy doing it).

The thing I like about Cheryl is that she’s got some freaky dance moves. They’re kinda like mine except for the part where I’m politely asked to take my epilepsy meds. Philistines.

Update: Sexy sounding Fiona from the UK let me know that Cheryl is in a fake band called Girls Aloud that’s kinda like American Idol except the people have great tits. Like Fiona!

(Images via Phun)

God damn I love this country. Europe was great and I deeply respect their relaxed views on nudity, sodomy and ritual suicide, but where else can you decide your country’s future using a picture of enormous tits. That’s why we win all the wars. We respect America, apple pie and chicks with ridiculously sized tits. The potheads sexy kids at College Humor have more Erection 2008 coverage right here. Also, here’s what’s going on around the netz.

• Sarah Chalke (Becky 2) still smoking hot after all these months. (Phun)
• Don’t fucking touch Madonna (Allie)
• Chanelle Hayes looks for some richness in her life. ((Bastardly)
• Giselle in a music video for some reason. (Drunken Stepfather))
• Ben and Jen Affleck…kinda normal. (Celebitchy)
• Whitney Port does something, or something. Whatever. (IBBB)