Fatback Media

God damn I love this country. Europe was great and I deeply respect their relaxed views on nudity, sodomy and ritual suicide, but where else can you decide your country’s future using a picture of enormous tits. That’s we win all the wars. We respect America, apple pie and chicks with ridiculously sized tits. The potheads sexy kids at College Humor have more Erection 2008 coverage right here. Also, here’s what’s going on around the netz.

• Sarah Chalke (Becky 2) still smoking hot after all these months. (Phun)
• Don’t fucking touch Madonna (Allie)
• Chanelle Hayes looks for some richness in her life. ((Bastardly)
• Giselle in a music video for some reason. (Drunken Stepfather))
• Ben and Jen Affleck…kinda normal. (Celebitchy)
• Whitney Port does something, or something. Whatever. (IBBB)

God this chick is insufferable. Is there anything she does that’s not a photo-op? Don’t get me wrong, she looks great and her ass is definitely hot for a white girl, but there’s just something about her that seems kinda strip club-ish. Like,”Hey that stripper that gave me a lap dance was pretty hot…for a stripper”. She’s like 25 right? What’s up with the all the plastic surgery? I’m sure she’ll regret all these early enhancements in a few years when she’s getting pounded from behind by Drew Carey for a spot as a hostess on The Price Is Right. COME ON DOWN!

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• Did Shia Slip Grenier’s Girl La Beef?
• JLo Attempts Oscar Gold with Latest Movie
• If Halle’s parent’s don’t buy her this car so help me fucking God the whole things off!!

This is Megan Fox wearing a Star Wars T-shirt to the Fox All Star Party. Which I assumed was about baseball, but they might have just thrown the party to get Megan Fox to show up in this shirt. I think it goes without saying that Megan Fox is the hottest chick in the universe, but I’m skeptical about the t-shirt. Lots of girls these days are wearing vintage tees like Mr. T: I pity the fool, or Knight Rider: KITT, or Magnum PI, TC - the only black guy in Hawaii, etc but rarely do they have a clue as to what it really means. [ed note: I once asked a girl at USC if she knew who the guy on her t-shirt (Che Guevarra) was and she said, "Doesn't he write for that website?" Yes, honey. Yes, he sure does.] If Megan Fox is really Star Wars fan then I think my penis just exploded and I hear wedding bells.

That’s it. I’m done. Congratulations, Lindsay, you’ve beaten me. I used to think that I possessed a biting wit and a funny take on celebrities’ misfortunes that would endear me to the masses, but you’ve taken that away from me. You’ve worn me down, and I’m waving the tattered white flag of surrender. First you get a DUI on Memorial Day weekend, then you enter rehab. OK, I’ll cut you some slack on account of your admitting that you’re a complete alcoholic (whereas I’m only halfway, i.e. I don’t have to go to rehab just yet). Then you celebrate your 21st birthday, sober and with your mom. I celebrated mine at a Bacchanalian Italian feast before gallivanting across Southern Europe for the next 3 months, but once again, I was willing to take it easy on you. Then you go out and drag race across LA last night, drunk on appletinis (or were they cosmos?) with some blow in your pocket, to boot. At this point, you have entered an area of celebrity culture that used to be reserved for Mike Tyson, Anna Nicole, and Michael Jackson. You’re so goddamned crazy that you’ve taken the fun out of it for the rest of us.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Santa Monica early this morning — her second bust in less than three months.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept., 21-year-old Lohan was nailed around 2:15 AM near Pico Boulevard and Main Street early Tuesday morning. (source)

So congratulations, Lindsay. I am a broken man. Here’s to your last few months on earth, because you’re no doubt only a few months away from launching your Benz off of the Santa Monica Pier on the way to screw some B-level male celebrity. Rest assured that I’ll pour out a wine cooler for you when the day comes. Here’s Lindsay in happier times.