Posts tagged Jail bait
Oh, Cindy Lou Who Did Your Makeup?
Sep 23rd
Is this too much mascara?
See what I did there? You know, because she played Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch (like what, last fucking year?). *checks Wikipedia. Okay, Phew! She’s 17 so I won’t get Dateline at my door for dismissively wanking to Taylor Momsen’s failed attempt at irony. I’ve seen fake-glasses-wearing hipsters in panda hats with 8-track players on their messenger bikes who are less ironic than this. We get it. You don’t want to be labeled as a ‘cute little girl’. The cleavage and giant rack do that all by themselves. Is it too much to ask for you not to leave the house looking like the hamburgler? If I picked you up for a date I wouldn’t whether to open the door for you or give you my keys and run an’ tell dat. Here’s more of Taylor Momsen at Macy’s being totally bored with the whole fashion thing. *makes devil horns with hand and sticks out toungue.
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- Show us where the Grinch touched you
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- Nothing inappropriate about this. Nope.
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- Is this too much mascara?
Congrats! You’ve made us all pervs.
Oct 17th
So who is this chick Selena Gomez anyway? I heard she’s cat fighting with Miley Cyrus all the time but I had no idea who she was till I got these pics of her at a fashion show last week. Apparently, she’s another teenage jailbait singer that Disney dresses up in grown up clothes in order to make us all into fucking pervs. Congratulations, Disney. You win. Now we all spend 45 minutes crying after we jerk off. Fuck you.
On a lighter note, in case you were wondering, I’ve been extremely busy lately trying salvage this fucking economy and keep the streets safe for little kids and puppies, so I haven’t posted much in a while. We gotta stop tha hate people. And tha haters. Fo. Sho. Also, I need a full time writer to help out. So if you’re sexy and can at least fake a southern accent, drop us a line in the tips section. Now I’m off to some older action. Where’s my JoJo folder…?
Not Fair!
Jul 10th
Why do jailbait celebrities like JoJo insist on dressing up like grownups and confusing the shit out of me? JoJo is like 13 right? This outfit and that body are not for teenagers. I have enough trouble trying to keep Dateline NBC from showing up at my house without this shit. JoJo is extremely cute and looks like she’d date black guys (which is a plus if you’re a stud like me!) but she needs to keep that shit under wraps for a few more years so I don’t have to worry about surrendering my hard drives to authorities or what’s going to happen to my immortal soul if I keep doing the things I do to pictures like this.
UPDATE: Phew! Normally I don’t do this, but I checked Wikipedia (who’s always truthin’ like a muhfukka) and they say JoJo is 17 (she turns 18 this Christmas), so technically she’s not jail bait. In my home state of South Carolina, she’s practically an old maid. Hag.
Jaime Lynn Spears Has A Stalker
Jun 6th
A photographer has been arrested for allegedly stalking Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge (better known as the guy who is being passed off as the real father of Jamie Lynn’s baby).
Edwin W. Merino, 30, of Los Angeles, posted bond Tuesday. He is scheduled to appear in court next week.
Authorities in Liberty, a small town in southwest Mississippi near the Louisiana border, said Merino wouldn’t leave the pregnant Spears and her fiance, Casey Aldridge, alone. (Yahoo News)
He’s a paparazzo. Isn’t it his job to stalk people? I think the real crime here is the lack of social programs and aid for the indigent in the deep south. And also, how good my ass looks in these new Diesel Jeans. Rreeow.
Here’s some pics of Jamie Lynn Spears before she got pregnant, because pregnant teens creep me out. I’m running out of aliases ladies.
