Fatback Media

Maybe it’s the holidays, or maybe I’m getting a little drunk this morning, but Britney’s rack is making me tingle. I know I’ve ripped her in the past, but the way she looks now, I would tear that shit up like a raccoon in a metal trashcan. There’s just something that’s white hot about a ragged out former teen beauty queen with two kids and a loser ex-husband, but then again I was born in trailer park.The thing that really puts the frosting on my Red Velvet is that she’s on lockdown from her kids. No strings, baby. I gotta let my Freebird Fly.

This is Lake Bell in LA at the Women’s Health “Go Green For Good” where she and Chelsea Handler hosted an “eco-chic soiree” and talked about other made-up words that marketers come up with to get money from rich people.

Women’s Health magazine Editorial Director David Zinczenko, and Vice President/Publisher, Mary Murcko, alongside the Environmental Media Association (EMA) announced today that their year-long Generation Environment (gen e) events series will continue with an eco-chic soiree “GREEN FOR GOOD.” Hosted by actress Lake Bell (What Happens In Vegas, Over Her Dead Body) and comedian Chelsea Handler (Chelsea Lately), the green-themed gathering will raise awareness about the environment among influential consumers, young Hollywood trendsetters and the Women’s Health magazine and online audience. The soiree, hosted in conjunction with presenting sponsor Aveda and PŪR Water Filtration Systems - two amazingcompanies that are helping to lead the charge in environmental responsibility - Aveda and PUR [took] place on October 23, 2008 at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Los Angeles. (Womens Health)

Lake Bell is like six feet tall and is wearing fucking culottes, but I still want to tackle her and wrestle the shit out of her. Not in a misogynistic kind of way - in a Clash of Titans kind of way.

Hey remember when I posted pictures of Lake Bell naked? Me too!

This is Jessica Simpson showing off her rack new fragrance at Dillard’s in Dallas. She can call it a “fragrance” all she wants, but even after all these years she’s still just a big titted blond slinging perfume at the local mall. She still looks great, but the new round of virginal pre-fab hotties are 10 years younger than her, and even at 15 make Jessica seem ancient by comparison. Maybe next time I’m at Dillard’s she can recommend a nice fragrance for one of my girlfriends or direct me to the MAC counter on her way out to lunch in the food court. Did you see the new bra’s at Cache? I know, right?

Sex Panther links….

• S.S. Rachelle Leah Playboy Pics
• Heidi Klum Almost Has an Upskirt While Miley Watches of the Day
• Ashley Tisdale @ “High School Musical 3″ Premiere in L.A. | The Bastardly
• Whitney Port Does “The City.” Or Is it “CitK?”
• Jolie Admits She is a Home Wrecker | Allie Is Wired -
• Simon Cowell Leads People Into Depression
• Gyllenspoon Spice Up Sex Life with Filthy, Scandalous Underpants
• Katy Hits the Floor — And You’ll Like It - TMZ.com
• Julianne Hough - 2008 American Music Awards

Jenny McCarthy is reporting that she has cured her son of Autism, a puzzling disease that until Jenny’s sorcery had no known cause or cure. Stars. They’re just like us! Except way better.

Despite criticism from the American Academy of Pediatrics, Jenny McCarthy says she helped her son, Evan, recover from autism.

The actress - who believes the MMR vaccine was to blame for her son’s diagnosis - says a strict no wheat-and-dairy-free diet has changed her son from a quiet little boy who used to flail his arms around to a loving six-year-old.

“Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly,” she says in the newest issue of Us Weekly. “Then it was like someone came down and stole him.” (Us)

I remember getting vaccinated as a kid and let me tell you, I was pretty pouty afterwards. My mom said we were going to Chucky Cheese for a special dinner and boy was I surprised when I ended up working in a shoe factory for 12 years. Come to think of it… maybe I didn’t get vaccinated after all.

To show my respect for Jenny’s little brat, I’m posting some sexy pictures of his mom. Wait, no. I’m doing that because I’m a dick. More naked Jenny in the NSFW section, too.

Hm. What happened this summer? This is Mila Kunis on the set of her new movie Extract. I didn’t go to film school but this is already shaping up to be the best movie ever made. It’s got action, three dimensional character arcs, excellent cinematography and lighting, and probably a good soundtrack. How can I tell that from just a picture? Well technically I can’t, Fellini, so why don’t take your stupid striped shit and beret and go shoot a boring black-and-white scene with no dialogue and under-expose it to make it look artsy. Besides, staring down Mila Kunis’ shirt is going to warm the hearts of millions prove that: IN A WORLD where  you’ve given up on finding love, you may find that it was there all along - standing right beside you when you needed it most. [Cue the best friends become lovers montage].

[More Mila]