DUI
Lindsay Lohan Likes Drugs
Sep 18th
"You look mighty cute in them jeans..."
Apparently, Lindsay Lohan couldn’t keep her nose clean during probation and has failed her mandatory drug test. This means she may face prison time…oh who the fuck am I kidding. She could snort coke from the canoed skull of a her own aborted fetus and drive her car right up the LA County Courthouse steps at lunchtime wearing the skin of murdered runaway teen as a jacket and she’d still never see the inside of a prison again. You see, rich people get to do what they want, and people like you and me get to murder hate them.
We’re told the court-mandated drug test in question occurred last week. According to the terms of Lindsay’s probation, she will get 30 days in jail for a positive drug test.
One source connected with Lindsay tells TMZ … “People with addiction problems don’t get better magically, and she’s really been making an effort to make herself better.” (via TMZ)
So apparently Fornarina, makes clothing for the jockey lot. Howwwwwwwwwwl!
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- Whore in wolf’s clothing
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- “You look mighty cute in them jeans…”
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- We get it, you have nice tits.
Fucking Finally
Apr 9th
Pete Doherty was sentenced yesterday to 14 weeks in prison for violating his probation. He’s been arrested countless times for drugs, violence and even squirting his own blood on a reporter. He’s committed so many crimes I think he is officially his own mafia. So, in the grand scheme of things I think probation violation is the one that should stick.
The judge in his case, Davinder Lacher, had spared Doherty a custodial sentence last year and gave him four weeks to prove he could stay off drugs after he was found in possession of crack, heroin, cannabis and ketamine.
The singer’s extensive criminal record includes assault, possession of a flick-knife and numerous driving and drug offenses.
Doherty’s long-serving lawyer, Sean Curran, said the singer accepted the court’s sentence. (Daily Mail)
Pete Doherty has done so many drugs that they named a town after him in Columbia. British people have to fly at least 3 hours in any direction just to score a dime bag. The UK legal system never seems to put Pete in jail which is why he’s high all the time and such an insufferable, scabby, asshole. The arresting part they have down. The putting in jail part never seems to come work out. As a judge, how can you not incarcerate someone who enters a plea of, “Do you know where I can score some ketamine, I have court today?”. Bong. Bong.
Mischa Barton Should Have Been Arrested Long Ago
Dec 28th
So Mischa Barton’s been arrested for DUI, possession of narcotics (the exact drug hasn’t been confirmed yet), and driving on a suspended license. She’s a dirty hippie type so I’m not the least bit surprised at any of the charges, but seriously y’all this little starlet should have been arrested a long time ago . . . by the fashion police! ZING! Mischa is notorious for wearing mom jeans, frumpy muu-muus, and anything extremely high-waisted. I don’t care how stylish she looks in magazines–in real life the girl cannot dress herself and should not be let out of the house without the assistance of a stylist.
Prior to her arrest, just this weekend she was roaming L.A. in what is perhaps the peak of her fashion violations to date. I feel sorry for her thin body that was forced to wear an outfit that no woman can look good in, but mostly I feel sorry for her asphyxiating lady parts that surely were crying out for air . . .
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Lindsay: Drunken Idiot, Carjacking Twat.
Jul 31st
“It’s all about makin’ that G-T-A…”.
Though the police are using the word ‘commandeered’, it all boils down to one thing. Lindsay Lohan got fucked up and stole herself a car when and decided to chase a moving vehicle through a residential area.
Why? Who the fuck knows. The assistant had quit a few hours before, so Lindsay probably was three sheets to the wind and became indignant. You know how it goes. Why, I remember one time, after about a fifth of Kickin’ Chicken, I went on rant at some cop who was guarding the door at a nightclub I wanted into. Ended in tears. I assure you.
Like Lindsay not too long ago, I was underage. But hell, I was going in that club to get plastered to the wall come hell or high water. But goddamn, Lindsay, all I had to do was flash the guy my tits. YOU on the other hand decide to turn into a total whackjob and chase some poor woman down the streets with a jacked car.
Does it get any better than that? A coked up, drunken star pissing their career away all over the media? Yes, it does. How? Well, one of the guys in the car she hijacked was so afraid that he jumped out of the damned car.
Fucking please. If those guys would have had any sense whatsoever, they’d have knocked the little bitch out of the car in two seconds flat. I sure the hell would have.
If you’re interested, you can find the transcript of the 911 call during the chase here-
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19984231/
If you’re not, go look at some porn or something. I don’t fucking know. What am I, your personal assistant? More Lindsay. Bet you can’t guess the photographer…
