Fatback Media

This is Megan Fox shooting a spread for the new GQ. Wonder what it’s like to wake up as the hottest chick on earth? I used to ask your mom that. What a whore! There is a video for this (LINK) but I wouldn’t click it at work unless you don’t mind spontaneously fondling your junk at your cubicle. I personally have no problem with it. But somebody needs to get their cute little ass back into the HR office and stop judging.

OMFG UPDATE: So apparently this GQ article reports that Megan Fox got freaky with girl.  A RUSSIAN STRIPPER NAMED NIKITA.

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided - oh man, sorry, mommy! - that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” Fox said. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.”

Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” She added that she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work.

Despite the relationship, Fox said she does not identify herself as gay.

“Look, I’m not a lesbian,” she went on. “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes.

“I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl - Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands,” she continued. “She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.” (US)

If you’ll excuse me, I just fucking died.

See the video here and be prepared to prematurely lose your junk.

Labor Day was so awesome that my server got drunk and posted a link post from last god damn week. Sweet. Also, I went a themed wedding in New England where we had to wear costumes and get drunker than a Kennedy during prohibition. I sure hope they find the dead chick in the water. People don’t forget. Anyway. I fixed the link post from the ghost of server’s past with some serviceable pics of Britney Spears in Vegas at a topless pool looking super F’able. I would tear that shit up like a raccoon in a garbage can. Just sayin’. I have a thing for busted up chicks with low self esteem.

• Heidi’s New Video, Now Cameltoe Free!: Celebrity Gossip With a Light Beer Aftertaste
• August 25th, 2008 - Happy Birthday Blake Lively! | Allie Is Wired
• cityrag: Olympic Cheerleaders? No Way!
• Whitney Port @ US Open Kick-Off Party | The Bastardly
• take a deep breath, heidi montag is queefin’ that kinda vibe
• Nina Moric in a Thong on the Beach of the Day
• Sophie Monk Spells Vegetarian “K-F-C” at Deceiver.com
• Beach Volleyball Gets All Wet
• 11 Valkyrie Extras threaten to sue Tom Cruise’s United Artists for $11 million
• Jess To Carrie: “My Man Ain’t Callin’ You, Bitch”

Apologies to Willie, but having a cowboy as your hero is a little uh… YMCA for me.

Here’s Heroes star Ali Larter gettin’ her cowgirl on down in the ‘bu. Malibu has become The Ivy if southern California beaches. What was once the rich person’s private getaway is now the place for the Heidi Montag’s of the world to cavort in the ubiquitous bikini sporting the “Whaaa…? A photographer?? WHERE?!?!?” look. I digress..

Ali Larter is an American Hero of slender, sinewy muscular proportions. Here’s how to take a regular hot chick and make her a hero. Add 2 or more of the following:

1. Cowboy hat (worn ironically of course)
2. bikini
3. 1-3 dogs (one of which must be adorably ugly)
4. Water
5. All of the above in my apartment (minus the ugly dog)

More Ali heroically emerging from the mighty pacific. PS. Nice shave.

Kim Kardashian is confusing me. First she had triple decker badonkadonk and now she looks smoking hot in these totally not staged bikini shots in Cabo. Either the photographer is a genius or something has changed. My penis and I have two questions:

1. Was it a wizard?
2. Was it a worm hole?

Either way the scientific community will be all ears about this mystery at the press conference. Also a mystery: the origins of my sexy dance moves. I love the night life. I got ta boogie. It’s true.

I save these “girl with big tits in a bikini” posts for days when news is slow or for when I’m out of comish for day or two because of some embassy situation or an overabundance of dirty martinis. So here she is y’all. Audrina Patridge, the poor little rich girl wit the big tits. Of all the girls on the Hills I like her best, because she sold early and she sold out fast and went right to posing nude. She’s like the trailer trash of Laguna Hills, even though she’s probably never seen the inside of a double wide. Call me Audrina, mine’s got 50″ plasma and a whirlpool tub. I’ll bring the pork cracklins and beer.