Fatback Media

God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

God. Damn.

This is Cajun hottie Lacey Chabert from Party of Five, the show where she played the little sister that you knew would grow up to be smoking hot, so you imagined her as a 17 yr old when you jerked off to the tv and now for some reason you still get a boner when LOST comes on. What’s that about? Anyway, she’s been off the hellbus for like 8 years but, for all us who are not pervs, here’s Lacey and her glorious rack at some event that I could have looked up, but who really cares.

G’Damn. I don’t know what the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (there was a 1?) is about, but I’m sure it’s has a nice character arc about Blake Lively’s amazing breasts. This is Blake Lively at a premier for the new film which according to the crack writers at IMDB is about:

[F]our young women continue the journey toward adulthood that began with “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” Now three years later, these lifelong friends embark on separate paths for their first year of college and the summer beyond, but remain in touch by sharing their experiences with each other as they always have-with honesty and humor. Discovering their individual strengths, fears, talents and capacity for love through the choices they make, they come to value more than ever the bond they share and the immeasurable power of their friendship. (IMDB)

That sounds so heartwarming and sweet that it really makes me realize that I never want to see it. Good job IMDB. Thanks for alerting me to the death of fun. Unless Blake Lively is topless carrying a grenade launcher and wearing those god damn jeans, I’m pretty sure I’m sitting this one out. Besides, no film could ever top Beaches for girl bonding.