Fatback Media » Pregnant

Jennifer Aniston is Pregnant?

fatback — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:12:23 +0000

Jennifer Aniston is pregnant…at least according to Australia’s News Weekly. I know. I waiting for my copy to come in the mail, too.

The pair made their first outings as a reunited couple last week, enjoying a romantic weekend in New York and a concert in Boston. But while friends are scratching their heads about what made Jen take the playboy musician back, the smile the actress has been wearing says it all — she’s pregnant and loving it!

Apparently, you can buy that issue of their magazine to find out all the juicy details of this made up TOTALLY true story. If they were real journalists, like me, they would use the old put the question mark at the end of a headline you can’t substantiate trick instead of making statements that might get them sued. That’s what all my reporter buddies say when we’re chatting it up in the news room – sleeves rolled up, smoking crumpled cigarettes, drinking that boiled shit that passes for coffee and pecking away at our Royal Electric typewriters. I get the straight dope from the streets, sister.

Gillian Anderson Wants To Believe She’s Pregnant

fatback — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:37:03 +0000

Gillian Anderson is pregnant. Again. Here she is at the X-Files premier in LA looking cougariffic and radiant. Which is a nice way of saying she’s fat. Her boobs look huge so I’d probably still hit it. Yeah. I would.

If you want see Gillian back in the day all naked and skinny you can go here: Gillian Anderson Nude

Jessica Alba is different

fatback — Tue, 06 May 2008 04:33:43 +0000

God damn Jessica Alba. I guess you can’t complain when one of the hottest chicks on the planet gets a fresh set of Giant Boobies, so I won’t. But pregnant girls kinda creep me out. They’re like pandas, they’re cute from far away but when you get close they just look freaky and might maul your face.

White Trash Moment of the Week

fatback — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:53:13 +0000

Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby shower in Kentwood La. is our White Trash Moment of the Week (WTMOTW). Where else can you see redneck America in all it’s glory than at a baby shower for an unwed pregnant teen?

About 30 guests were invited – including big sis Britney – to Kentwood for a ladies-only, catered celebration for the 17-year-old at the family’s Serenity mansion. (Spears hadn’t been back to her hometown since her aunt’s funeral early last year.)

“Jamie Lynn opened every gift,” says a source, adding that mom Lynne and fiancé Casey Aldridge’s mother lent a hand. “We all sat in a circle and she opened gifts and thanked every person. It was just a good old-fashioned baby shower.”

In March, the Zoey 101 star registered for baby booty at Babies “R” Us. (People)

Speaking of Zoey 101. Remember how she’s really pregnant by the 30+ year old Nickelodeon producer and not this Casey Aldridge kid. Yeah, that must feel really great. Not only are you up for statutory rape charges, and responsible for a baby that isn’t yours, but you didn’t even get to hit the kitty. There is some consolation though, I hear the Nickelodeon guy had his assistant go online and send over some nice Amazon.com gift certificates.

(photos)

Beyoncé is Pregnant. Maybe.

fatback — Thu, 01 May 2008 04:35:15 +0000

The smokin’ hot chicks from Hollyscoop just gave me an exclusive!!! Well, I’m on their mass email list, but I’m pretty sure I’m thiiiiis close to asking one of them out. I have a good feeling. Anyway, turns out newly married Beyoncé is pregnant.

Hollyscoop has learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting. A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” (HollyScoop)

How can you tell when a girl from the south is pregnant? She gets married 2 months later. It’s a long standing tradition that country whores have been doing for generations. My mom was pregnant with me in her junior yearbook photo. Hawt.

Ashlee Simpson is Pregnant. Or not.

fatback — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:33:38 +0000

According to Us and Ok!, Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. According to Pete Wentz, the alleged baby daddy, Ashlee Simpson is not pregnant. Pregnancy is like a train; once it’s left the station there’s no turning back. Unless you decide that the train just doesn’t fit into your lifestyle and you crash the shit out of the train and put it in the dumpster outback with a bunch of other unwanted trains and hope that one day you’ll take the train again when the time is right, but for now career and travel are much too important. I am the king of metaphor.

From Us :

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com.The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.Simpson and the Fall Out Boy bassist announced their engagement Wednesday.”We are thrilled to confirm their engagement and congratulate this happy couple,” a spokesperson for the couple told Us. “Beyond that there is nothing to say.”

MTV says, fuck that noize, beeotch:

In an e-mail to MTV News, Wentz denied reports that surfaced Monday (April 14) on the Web sites of OK! magazine and Us Weekly that he and Simpson, 23, are expecting their first child.

“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”

So if I’m reading this right, Pete Wentz is trying to get out of responsibility for a child he fathered by being gay. Well played, Pete. Well played. Down south we hand;e that situation differently. You either move to the next county or give the girl a Scarlett O’Hara. More Ashlee when she was hot. Fiddledeedee.