Paris Hilton is a high maintenance chick. She likes to spend a lot of money and get sloshed at clubs and most importantly, she likes to travel a lot. And I am sure Paris Hilton has no clue what it is like to fly coach cause the bitch is always on a private jet going to random places around the globe.

Her ex-boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, made the critical mistake of paying for everything while he was dating Paris Hilton thinking that someday she would come to her sense and settle down and marry him. Paris Hilton can say whatever she wants but I am sure her anti-commitment ass called it off.

This gives me the perfect opportunity to get in Paris Hilton’s panties but I tend to not like STDs. Call me crazy. It was just the way I was raised I guess.

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It has been confirmed through Paris Hilton’s rep that the relationship between Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt is officially over. They split over two weeks ago but she denied the split. Probably hoping that she could change and actually settle down with someone instead of being the pathetic late 20-year-old, searching aimlessly for a mate.

If I am not mistaken, this is the longest Paris has gone dating just one person. She dated Reinhardt for a shocking 14 months. This in any case is good news for me cause now, after I stock up on anti-STD meds, I can start hitting on her when she starts frequenting the clubs again. We already have Lindsay Lohan falling down drunk out of a club just about every night and now we will have Paris too. Ah! Old times!

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Weekend links that can’t settle down

Catherine Zeta-Jones does Allure, naked- IDLYITW

Tila Tequila is rockin’ NYC- Allie Is Wired

Amanda Seyfried makes out with a dog- Drunken Stepfather

Bruce Willis wants you to smell like him- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miley Cyrus likes the paparazzi- Geno’s World

Tila Tequila fucked the dj- Popbytes

Kristin Cavallari looks frumpy- Amy Grindhouse

Dr. 90210 has breast implants- IBBB

Madonna supports child labor- Celeb Jihad

Jay Z is suing the Red Sox- Daily Stab

Skin links

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Amanda Seyfried

Not too long ago Paris Hilton moved in with her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt and since living there, she has already pissed off the cops tp no end just like she did at her house. She has loud parties and people are always stopping by and now the cops are saying that if they get one more complaint they are going to issue tickets and make arrests.

As cool as it would be to see Paris Hilton go to jail again, I think she has learned her lesson. I don’t see why she hasn’t been attention whoring herself (well not as much) as she used to. She used to go to a club and party all night and get hammered and be photographed leaving the bar with a new dude on her shoulder every night but now she has settled down. I say BOO! Loud parties aren’t gonna keep you in the headlines Paris. Make another tape so I can keep you on my relevancy radar.

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In some place called Auckland, a billboard is being advertised as having a vacant space and is open to potential advertisers. The only hang up is that it displays Paris Hilton as the “vacant” image. I guess they are saying that Paris Hilton is vacant and not all there upstairs but I am not sure why this country use their own damn celebrity to show space is available.

I should probably be offended by this as I am an American and I consider Paris Hilton American royalty but since I make fun of her for a living, I will simply point and laugh. ::points, laughs::

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Paris Hilton has crawled out of her movie role slump and has actually gotten a pretty decent role. Of course this will require zero acting because she is going to play herself. Apparently she will only be on the set for one day but she is demanding a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and live lobsters to be prepared for that day.

If I were in charge of the celebrity demands, I would give her live crawdads and a bottle of Smirnoff ice. That should send a message. Of course if Paris really got hungry she could just boil some of those crabs that are crawling around on her crotch but I hear the vagisil she rubs on everyday would make them taste soapy. Paris does not like soapy.

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Last year Paris Hilton starred in a film called Pledge This! It was a monumental flop and at the time people were making a big hullabaloo over the fact that she didn’t show up to the red carpet U.S. premiere, because Paris never misses a red carpet event, and that she cancelled on a couple of late night talk shows she was scheduled to do to promote the film.

National Lampoons didn’t like this and sued Paris for over $8 million. As of today, the court threw out the case but it is possible that Paris will have to pay the $1 million she made in the movie which is basically one Carls Jr. ad for the socialite. To help pay the $1 million to the producers, Paris is charging the crabs that live on her crotch rent at $200 a week each.

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Not too long ago Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt called it quits on their relationship. Apparently Paris got sick of having sex in bathrooms of night clubs and sucking face in public. But now she is back with Doug Reinhardt, as of a few weeks ago. Doug Reinhardt looks like a cool guy, not the typical douche bag that socialites like Paris Hilton usually dates.

Usually at or around this time I get very jealous and don’t want Paris Hilton dating anyone but me. As sweet as it would be to fuck her, I know in real life that I wouldn’t even if I had the chance because I am not a big fan of little crabs crawling around on my balls and causing me to scratch them until I bleed. However, if Doug likes bumps on his wee-wee from Paris’ hoo-ha, then no one can really stop him.

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This is fucking classic. This paparazzi gets the root of the age old idea of what to do when there isn’t any celebrity boobage or porn anywhere to be seen? Answer: make your own! This is Paris Hilton minding her own business shopping at some little trinket store to get some “going green” products when this pap sees she is wearing a dress, and most female celebrities don’t wear underwear with a dress so he goes out of his way to snap a pic of her poonany under her skirt as she walks around the block.

The fact that this guy has the balls to do this in public and in broad daylight makes me want to give him a high five. More than that! I want to give a high five and a cookie. I hope the pic this guy took will actually surface somewhere and he doesn’t save it on his private computer to jack off to. I mean saving it for masturbation is the right thing to do but only after sending it in to the blogosphere first. This guy = THE MAN.

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Links that think underwear is overrated

Yes please- IDLYITW

Jamie Lynn Spears is single- Allie Is Wired

Phoebe Price is ridiculously ugly- Drunken Stepfather

John Mayer is the reason for the Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Something for the ldaies- IDLYITW

Paris Hilton. She loves many things. But The Hillsis not one of them. She actually had the balls to say, ” The show is,like, so lame and fake. He [ Doug Reinhardt] doesn’t even want to be a part of it.” Here is Paris Hilton the fakest chick in the world saying that she doesn’t like The Hills. I just always assumed this whole time that the shows main audience was people just like Paris Hilton.

She also says that she has never watched the show but that is bullshit because that is where she found her most recent boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. If he wasn’t famous in some small way, Paris would have NOTHING to do with him. In fact, I heard once that when Paris is single, she spends most of her time looking for boyfriends on IMDB.com. Kind of like a match.com for the wealthy.

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Links that are faker than Pamela Anderson’s bejublees

Brooke Hogan. Still trying harder than anyone else to be famous- IDLYITW

Hilary Duff. Cause she’s hot- Drunken Stepfather

Katie Holmes needs sex- Celeb News Wire

Two d-listers get engaged- Amy Grindhouse

haylie Duff looks uglier after the nose job- yeeeah

Jessica Biel has a nice dumper- I Don’t Want Your Life

Adam Lambert. Is he gay? Isn’t he? Yea, he’s gay- IDLYITW

Rihanna to testify in court in Chris Brown case- notorious news

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are too good for Britain’s Got Talent- Holy Moly

The future of The Hills- IBBB

Lauren Conrad thinks she’s interesting- Allie Is Wired

Kris Allen and Adam Lambert discuss the upcoming Idol tour- Geno’s World

Viva La Viral- mashup- popbytes

Freddie Prinze Jr. found work! – Seriously? OMG! WTF?

If you have been paying attention to the tabloids lately, then you know Paris Hilton is totally gaga over her new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. The two sluts have been slutting it up everywhere. The most recent incident happened on a friends yacht at Cannes. What the fuck is up with Cannes anyway? Does that shit just last forever, and when you attend and are a celebrity you get a free yacht. Every single story going on in the media takes place on a yacht.

Anyway, Paris and Doug weren’t on board for long because when her and her boyfriend took their make-out sessions to the next level and went to the bathroom, apparently to have sex, the friend Dave who invited Paris spotted them and booted her off the boat. Apparently the entire ship including the captain erupted in applause when the two exited the vessel. That is a bunch of bullshit though. No one applauded.

It is also being reported that when the captain pulled away from the shore the captain mooned Paris and screamed, ” Paris is a poopy pants! She likes to make stinky!” Yea he probably didn’t say that either, but hey, it’s rumor.

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