Fatback Media » Nude

Heidi Montag Nearly Nude and Airbrushed

fatback — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 08:49:39 +0000

So this is Heidi Montag in in her *ahem* adult magazine photoshoot.

Two things:

I’ve seen more nudity in the Bible
I’ve seen less airbrushing on a beaded t-shirt in Myrtle Beach South Carolina

Why do they airbrush the SHIT out of these things? She’s like 24 and has huge tits. She’s all set. It’s not like she’s some aging actress trying to get back some of the glory of the Buffy days (sorry Kristy! Call me!). We don’t need “sexy elegant” here. This magazine sits on the back of the toilet in a frat house, not the desk of the CEO of Bank of America next to Yachting Digest. I mean how classy can you really be with your tits hanging out in a spank mag photo session? But I digress…

Speaking of naked tits. THERE ARE NONE. It’s the ultimate tease by a girl who will probably make every man in her life put his fist through a wall. I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t give you partial credit. So, enjoy? These will probably be gone within a few hours.

Nude Cellphone Pics of Vanessa Hudgens!

fatback — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:16:23 +0000

Exclusive!! New nude cellphone pics of Vanessa Anne Hudgens! Well, its not really exclusive, because a bazillion other sites beat me to the punch. But she sure is naked! Click here to go see the set of Vanessa Hudgens nude pics. musicals kick ass!

How do you get THIS job?

fatback — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:06:26 +0000

This is Michelle Hunziker, a Swiss born polyglot who is also a model. You may remember her from… well, pretty much nothing if you live in the continental US. She’s extremely hot and apparently doesn’t have hang up about being nude, so we’re big fans. She also doesn’t mind this Gene Simmons looking dude rubbing oil all over naked tan body. Which makes him a hero in our book. I worked for a summer as a masseur at a resort down south but it didn’t last very long. Apparently some folks didn’t like my “motorboat” technique for the chest area. Sorry dude. That’s how we do it Bangkok.

Gillian Anderson Wants To Believe She’s Pregnant

fatback — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:37:03 +0000

Gillian Anderson is pregnant. Again. Here she is at the X-Files premier in LA looking cougariffic and radiant. Which is a nice way of saying she’s fat. Her boobs look huge so I’d probably still hit it. Yeah. I would.

If you want see Gillian back in the day all naked and skinny you can go here: Gillian Anderson Nude

AMERICA. Fuck yeah!

fatback — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:45:02 +0000

Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference – as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah!

It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick.

[Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.]

[pics]

Kelly Brook is Single

fatback — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:51:33 +0000

Kelly Brook just broke up with Billy Zane. While, I’m saddened by the fact that Billy will now have to serve Satan for eternity because his deal has expired, mostly I’m just saying, holyfuckyes!.

The 28-year-old former Big Breakfast presenter has decided she is too young to marry.

Billy, 42, is now moving back to Los Angeles for good after moving out of their £1million farmhouse in Kent.

A source told The Sun: “After much soul-searching, Kelly decided that Billy is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement. (Daily Mail)

Now if you please, Kelly and I would appreciate your prayers and a little privacy while we break some biblical taboos.

Oh, if you’ve forgotten what Kelly Brook looks like naked you can look into my bedroom. Or Go here (NSFW)

Jessica Simpson’s Agent Hates Her

Lennox Miller — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 12:23:33 +0000

I had no idea that Jessica Simpson’s agent hated her so much. Sure, she was allowed to make her “Blonde Ambition” movie that about 34 people in Texas went to see, but that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is found splayed across May’s Esquire cover where Jessica’s agent allows her to appear SHAVING HER FACE on the cover of a major men’s magazine. I get that she’s recreating a classic 1965 Esquire cover with Italian actress Virna Lisa, but seriously y’all this can’t be helpful to her increasingly non-existent career. And I’d bet money that Daddy Joe ghostwrote the entire introduction to the article. With phrases describing Jessica as “hot as fresh milk,” with “breasts like plucked guinea hens,” and “a caviar body lacquered in barbeque sauce,” surely this is the stuff of creepy Joe getting way too excited while trying to describe his daughter and not that of a professional writer. You can decide for yourself–check out the text and additional pics of Jess from Esquire below . . .

Hugh Grant is a Pussy

fatback — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:43:13 +0000

Doing nothing to dispell stereotype of Brits being panty-waisted sissies, Hugh Grant was ARRESTED in London for throwing a can of baked beans at a photographer. As if this wasn’t enough to make Hugh a first-ballot entrant into the All-Time Wuss Hall of Fame, he also allegedly kicked the man before hurling a can of frozen food at him.

There is so much going on here, that I don’t know where to start. For starters, none of us should be surprised that the star of such Action Adventures as Notting Hill, Two Weeks’ Notice, Four Weddings and a Funeral (need I continue?), assaulted someone with a grocery store product. Hugh got his frequent-bitch boy card punched long ago. Can you imagine Matthew McConaughey kicking a photographer? Hell no. Wooderson would have just mowed the dude down with his ‘67 Chevy SS on the way to the Moontower.

What is shocking is that this waste of a penis managed to date ELIZABETH FREAKIN’ HURLEY for the better part of a decade. And this was before Liz got all knocked up and fat! Let’s just finish with some pictures of the beautiful Mrs. Austin Powers before she decided to start popping out kids and get married in India. I’m going to go to the nearest pub and pick a fight with a soccer fan.

Wolfgang Puck Serves up a steaming pile of Hepatitis A

fatback — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 19:41:45 +0000

TMZ reports an employee of Wolfgang Puck catering services, who recently catered the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party, was recently diagnosed with Hepatitis A and could have possibly spread it to the attendees. Scandalous!

An urgent warning has been issued by the Health Department, warning the star-studded crowd who attended the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party on Valentine’s Day that they may have been exposed to acute hepatitis A. The list of possibly exposed guests: Beyonce Knowles, Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend Bar Rafaeli, and dozens of ridiculously hot bikini models.

The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health confirmed that an employee of Wolfgang Puck Catering was recently diagnosed with the disease, and has strongly urged anyone who attended the SI party, or any of the 13 other events catered by Puck between Feb. 1 – 20, to get an immune globulin shot by tomorrow to prevent illness. (source)

I don’t get it? The chance of a communicable disease, a raid by Colombian gangsters, incurable case of carpet burn and a paternity test nine months down the road are the marks of every Hollywood party I’ve ever been to. And Hep A, who doesn’t have that, anymore? It’s like the country club strain of Hep diseases. I think newborns in California are just inoculated with it when they get their MMR vaccinations. I’m pretty sure it’s a law.

Hep C. Now that’s some shit you can sink you’re teeth into: tattoos, drug use, high risk sexual practices, voodoo. Ain’t no party like a Hep C party ‘cuz a Hep C party don’t quit, bitches.

I’m kidding! Don’t do drugs. And have your pets spayed or neutered. EMcrest., OUT!