Posts tagged Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan Has Another Sister
Jun 30th
Lindsay Lohan reportedly has a bastard half sister belonging to her father and another woman. Bastard may seem strong, but that’s the terminology. Like how a female dog is a bitch. And so is your whore girlfriend. Like that.
Linds’ father, Michael Lohan, has admitted to OK! that, while married — but at the time separated — to now-ex-wife Dina Lohan, he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy.
In a statement to OK!, Michael says, “Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.” (OK)
But Michael Lohan is doing the right thing and providing support for his illegitimate child right? ‘Course not!
Michael’s secret daughter has had many conversations with her dad, the girl’s mother tells OK!. He even called her for her 13th birthday on June 12. But he has never visited her or provided financial support.
And why should he? It’s not his fault the woman got pregnant. All he did was fuck her, leave it in and never call. Maybe that daughter needs start thinking about a job in showbiz. Those cocks aren’t going to suck themselves.
Lindsay Blows
Mar 20th
A really bad, low-resolution pic is beginning to make the rounds on the net. Supposedly some chick who is a friend of a friend of a friend of another friend of Lindsay Lohan’s said that Lindsay got this screen clip in her email as a snippet from a longer video.
Video. Usually that conjures up images of hot celebs going nuts on the beefy, but not this time. This piece of shit was taken on a cell phone cam. Weak.
No one is sure if that is really Lilo, but if you make the picture really, really small, then squint your eyes until you can barely see, then yeah. It looks just like her. Whether it is or not, maybe this could be a new career move for her. The most hilarious thing about all of this is Lindsay is said to ‘not remember if this was her being recorded or not’.
Um. I remember when I suck a dick, how about you? And the guy damn well remembers. For a long, long time.
I can’t figure out if this is NSFW or not, you can’t tell if she is puffing the old skin-pipe or huffing down a hot dog. Hell, she might even just be sneezing. Who knows?
Anti-Lindsay Update: The super sexy sleuths over at The Blemish debunked the shit out of this story and even have a clip of the video shown here. It’s not Lindsay Lohan, just some random chick blowing a guy. Snore.
Pork free version after the jump…
Lindsay Lohan = Worthless Drunk. I’m done.
Jul 24th
That’s it. I’m done. Congratulations, Lindsay, you’ve beaten me. I used to think that I possessed a biting wit and a funny take on celebrities’ misfortunes that would endear me to the masses, but you’ve taken that away from me. You’ve worn me down, and I’m waving the tattered white flag of surrender. First you get a DUI on Memorial Day weekend, then you enter rehab. OK, I’ll cut you some slack on account of your admitting that you’re a complete alcoholic (whereas I’m only halfway, i.e. I don’t have to go to rehab just yet). Then you celebrate your 21st birthday, sober and with your mom. I celebrated mine at a Bacchanalian Italian feast before gallivanting across Southern Europe for the next 3 months, but once again, I was willing to take it easy on you. Then you go out and drag race across LA last night, drunk on appletinis (or were they cosmos?) with some blow in your pocket, to boot. At this point, you have entered an area of celebrity culture that used to be reserved for Mike Tyson, Anna Nicole, and Michael Jackson. You’re so goddamned crazy that you’ve taken the fun out of it for the rest of us.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Santa Monica early this morning — her second bust in less than three months.
According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept., 21-year-old Lohan was nailed around 2:15 AM near Pico Boulevard and Main Street early Tuesday morning. (source)
So congratulations, Lindsay. I am a broken man. Here’s to your last few months on earth, because you’re no doubt only a few months away from launching your Benz off of the Santa Monica Pier on the way to screw some B-level male celebrity. Rest assured that I’ll pour out a wine cooler for you when the day comes. Here’s Lindsay in happier times.
Lindsay Lohan and Keanu Reeves?
Oct 2nd
Hey y’all, Emily here again. Check out these photos of Lindsay Lohan leaving a bar at the same time as Keanu Reeves. Coincidence? Or Whore?
I’ve been told shacking up with every guy in Hollywood is the first step to a visit at the “free†clinic, but I’ve resolved to adopt Lindsay’s approach to men and break-ups. Normally when my guy leaves me for the recently paroled cousin of his first wife, I cook a pot-roast, light candles, turn on something sentimental like Miles or Reverend Al, and drink entirely too much Franzia (its a box! of wine!), all the while stewing in the bane and blight that is the potage of my love life and then I take a naked swim in the nearest neighbor’s pool in hopes I die of a cramp before the pills kick in. But under Lindsay’s tutelage, I’ll just dance in cages at trendy clubs and make out with every B-list celebrity and heir this side of Europe (and even the cute ones in Europe). Excellent!
Also, in case your not in the fucking solar system, these images are from the hyper-litigious X17 ONLINE! Fucking watermark looks like a third degree burn. Subtle.
