Lindsay Lohan has been wearing a SCRAM bracelet for about a week or so now and she had to go through the agonizing pain all alcoholics do and attend Memorial Day bbqs and whatnot and watch people get hammered and there isn’t shit for her to do about it.

Of course Lindsay is too good to go to a scummy bbq so she went to some parties instead and instead of getting wasted she drank can after can of red bull. I like red bull but if you drink too many cans of it, not only will you wanna jump out of your skin with energy but you will wanna puke up whatever is in your stomach cause you start shaking so badly.

Of course I have something that is known to give women energy for hours and has been known to cure cancer. I won’t say what it is but it  come from my body from an organ that rhymes with fleenis. Just sayin’.

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The pic above is of Lindsay Lohan a couple of months back when she was supposed to be “sober” under a judges ruling. Well, LiLo the party is over. The judge in the Lindsay Lohan case said that within 24 hours she has to wear a SCRAM bracelet on her ankle, similar to what Paris  Hilton wore and she can not consume alcohol while she is on probation.

Also, the drugs are out too. Lindsay tried making the case that she has to go to Texas to shoot a movie but the judge basically said fuck that and told her she can not leave the L.A. area. Did I mention the random drug tests? LOL. That too.

It kinda sucks that Lindsay would have to be told by a judge to stay sober in order to get her shit together but that is what had to happen. any violation of her probation will land her in jail for 180 days so I am totally hoping this bitch slips up and does a few lines in a club bathroom so I can see her miserable ass rot. Everyone knows that I love LiLo and wanna see her get better but I think jail is the only way that is gonna happen. Peace out LiLo.

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It is being reported that Lindsay Lohan’s watering hole has been infiltrated by punk rocker wannabe Avril Lavigne. I love Avril 18 million times more than I like Lindsay so I am totally team Avril. They got into it at The Chateau Marmont where Avril told LiLo she was fake and that she didn’t like fake people.

Lindsay then turned and tried to get Avril kicked out but she had no luck. I think it is hysterical that even the most fake and superficial people in Hollywood look down on Lindsay. At this point Lindsay is about as real as a $100 bill with  Santa Claus’ face on it. Yea it is cute, but in the real world she is fake as fuck.

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Michael Lohan has taken the next step in order to get his kid, Lindsay, sober. He hired lawyer Lisa Bloom and wrote a letter to the judge in the Lindsay Lohan DUI probation case. She is looking at facing serious jail time if convicted but Michael, along with a lot of other people, would rather see Lindsay go to rehab instead of jail.

If she doesn’t go to rehab, Michael wantys the next best thing and that is  have the court issue frequent and random drug and alcohol tests. I am sick and tired of all these die hard LiLo fans telling Michael Lohan to leave his daughter alone cause I really do like Lindsay Lohan and I would like to see her alive at least for the near future. Oh yea, and this bitch is gonna play a porn star someday soon. As long as she shows off her caboose I am happy.

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This story has been in the news for over a week now and I do not think it is going to go away until I write something about it. Up until today, it was only rumor that Lindsay Lohan may take Anna Faris’ spot in playing a famous porn star, Linda Lovelace, in a bio about her life.

As of today it is no longer rumor. The producer of the film confirmed it. I am not sure if this is going to be a simple rated R flick or one of those NC-17 films. All I really care about is seeing Lindsay’s tight rump. I already saw her tits and a flash of her vajayjay and I was not very impressed. Of course at the end of the day she will more than likely lose the job just like how she loses all of her film work. The only thing exciting about Lindsay’s life right now is that she might be going to jail.

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I like Lindsay Lohan. I like waking up every morning and reading stories about her and her fucked up life. But recently, it has been too fucked up. I am Team Michael and think Lindsay needs to grow the fuck up and listen to his ass and kick booze to the curb once and for all.

I may be getting my wish. Lindsay has violated her probation by not going to the alcohol program assigned to her once every 7 days. Instead, she found a loop hole and the treatment center said they will only inform the court of absences if she didn’t show up for 21 days in a row.

The judge says 7 days and the program says 21 days. But guess what, the judge is a FUCKING JUDGE. Once it comes out that LiLo has not been compliant with the program she will go to jail and I will laugh hysterically. By that time, Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan would have mended fences and LiLo will finally get the intervention that she needs so bad. I will follow up this post if she winds up in the clink.

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Weekend links that are out on bail

Chelsea Handler is a porn star- IDLYITW

Was Michael Jackson is a gay relationship?- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Jessica Alba is not a good cook- Allie Is Wired

Brooke Hogan is still alive- Drunken Stepfather

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Christina Aguilera to traumatize son- Yeeeah

Britney Spears has the worst weave in the world- Popbytes

A hot chick does hot stuff- Holy Moly

Halle Berry is back on the market- Amy Grindhouse

Harriet Carter Wednesday- IBBB

Miley Cyrus can not wait to get naked- Celeb Jihad

Kid Rock is gonna host the CMT Awards- Daily Stab

Dina Lohan and her children have had enough of Michael Lohan’s shit and now they are all getting a restraining order. According to Michael, during his TMZ interview he said that they have no legal right to get a restraining order but I guess the guy is gonna believe what he wants to believe.

Ali is still young and I seriously doubt she wants to have a restraining order against her dad but she will follow “the grand book of Hollywood” that Lindsay lays out for her so that some day she will be as famous and talentless as her big sister. As for Dina, bitch looks like she got a nose job by the same quack that did Michael Jackson.

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It seems that Lindsay Lohan can not catch a break. First her dad barges in her apartment where she was trying to get high in peace and then her father goes to TMZ to talk down his own daughter. I personally agree with Michael Lohan 100% and don’t think it is necessary to give Lindsay Lohan my blind loyalty just because I am a blogger.

Now LiLo got dumped from a movie called The Other Side which was about some chick on a desert island or some shit. It had a lot of big names tied to it and Lindsay was gonna be the star but then the management team decided to dump her because she was too unreliable. I can’t really say I blame them.

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Michael Lohan seems to be 110% positive that Lindsay Lohan needs help. I have seen the pics of her falling down drunk every night and she is currently on probation from the court saying that she is not supposed to drink or use drugs but the court also is not requiring her to do drug or alcohol tests.

Yesterday Michael Lohan got two sheriff deputies to pay a visit with Lindsay and he accompanied them to her apartment. Strangely, the landlord just handed the keys to Lindsay’s place over to Michael and the cops. The reason they let him go in there was because Lindsay’s little sister Ali was staying with Lindsay at the time and Ali is a minor.

Afterwards, Michael went on TMZ and talked about how Lindsay needs an intervention blah,blah,blah. I am gonna take a unique viewpoint to this situation and say I am gonna team with Michael. As much as I love to see LiLo out clubbing and getting shitfaced, I think she is about one million times hotter when she is sober.

She tends to have this over constipated look on her face these days and I want the old Lindsay back. That’s right bitches. You heard it here first. Team Michael!

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Weekend links that are deeply concerned. LOL.

Whore beach- IDLYITW

Kate Gosselin is looking for some new dick- Allie Is Wired

Olivia Munn is in a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Britney Spears’ saggy nipple pokies- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Lindsay Lohan is a suspect in a Rolex theft too- Yeeeah

Peaches Geldof out and about in Britain- Holy Moly

Hayden Panettiere cut her hair- Amy Grindhouse

Stephanie Pratt naked for PETA- IBBB

Vanessa Hudgens takes candid pics, keeps clothes on, disappoints- Celeb Jihad

See who was voted off American Idol- Daily Stab

It seems that just because you have been in a few hit movies and get paid to go out partying every night in Hollywood doesn’t mean your financial woes in life are over. You see Lindsay Lohan hasn’t done shit since her last movie and she is still spending like she is a millionaire.

According to sources close to the star, she is over $500k in credit card debt and if she doesn’t start making payments she will be sued. I am sure it would be the first time for Lindsay to get sued but this shit could ruin her credit score and get her evicted from the place that she lives. Could we see a homeless Lindsay Lohan sometime in the future? It sure as hell looks possible.

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