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Lindsay Lohan, for the past few months, maybe longer, has been driving around a pornographer’s Maserati. I don’t know why he lent her the car, but he has taken it back and put it up for auction. The only stabbing question is, how much will a banged up luxury car banged up by Lindsay Lohan go for?

It is a beautiful car and the starting bid is a modest $25,000. It is a Maserati, and now a celebrity Maserati so I am sure it will go for over $100,000 but nothing is set in stone yet. It isn’t like Lindsay had much of a chance of keeping the car anyway. When the pornographer asked for it back LiLo said, “I’ll fuck you for it.” In which point the pornographer remembered all the porn stars who are amazing in bed just sucked him off an hour earlier and when he pictured Lohan naked his penis coiled into his body. You see Lindsay? Not everyone wants to tap that freckled ass of yours.

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In Lindsay Lohan’s life a lot of people have exploited her. Her father, her old boyfriends and especially her mother. But now Lohan is getting exploited by the person she would least expect to be exploited by, her one true lover. That’s right, since showing up to DJ gigs with Lohan in tow, Samantha Ronson is now making over $25,000 per gig as opposed to her $1,500 fee before dating Lindsay.

Because of all these gigs, SamRo has netted in over $3 million last year alone. Sources close to the couple state that Sam never contractually states that Lohan will show up, but that changes come New Years Eve. Come New Years, they have both signed contracts to host a New Years Eve party at Mansion night club in Miami. Why can’t my girlfriend net me millions of dollars for just going out and having a good time? I am going to have to give her a talking to. And by talking to I mean giving her the back of my hand 4 or 5 times until she stops crying.

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Links that can spin a record like no other

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Amy Winehouse topless. PUKE! – notorious news

Pam wears short shorts- IBBB

Alicia Keys rockin’ a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Rock Of Love likes naked chicks- yeeeah

Hilary Duff may be getting married- Geno’s World

Robert Pattinson cut that shit off his head that he called hair- Allie Is Wired

Rihanna will attend the inauguration- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Even in winter Xtina dresses like a whore- I Don’t Want Your Life

Bai Ling wishing you Berry Kwismas- The Bastardly

A really bad, low-resolution pic is beginning to make the rounds on the net. Supposedly some chick who is a friend of a friend of a friend of another friend of Lindsay Lohan’s said that Lindsay got this screen clip in her email as a snippet from a longer video.

Video. Usually that conjures up images of hot celebs going nuts on the beefy, but not this time. This piece of shit was taken on a cell phone cam. Weak.

No one is sure if that is really Lilo, but if you make the picture really, really small, then squint your eyes until you can barely see, then yeah. It looks just like her. Whether it is or not, maybe this could be a new career move for her. The most hilarious thing about all of this is Lindsay is said to ‘not remember if this was her being recorded or not’.

Um. I remember when I suck a dick, how about you? And the guy damn well remembers. For a long, long time.

I can’t figure out if this is NSFW or not, you can’t tell if she is puffing the old skin-pipe or huffing down a hot dog. Hell, she might even just be sneezing. Who knows?

Anti-Lindsay Update: The super sexy sleuths over at The Blemish debunked the shit out of this story and even have a clip of the video shown here. It’s not Lindsay Lohan, just some random chick blowing a guy. Snore.

Pork free version after the jump…

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