Lindsay Lohan’s movie career is going nowhere. Her latest film is called Labor Pains and it will air on ABC Family this month. Apparently she plays a pregnant chick who likes to drink red bull. To throw some gas on the fire, it is being reported now that she turned down a role in the blockbuster hit The Hangover. Ouch.

So instead of a stripper with freckles all over her ass you got Heather Graham, much better choice. I am not sure what LiLo will do next but I am sure it won’t make it to the big screen. She can try her hand at music again, which basically is just Lohan shooting music videos where she, yes, drinks more red bull and wears 15 different pairs of sunglasses at night. Outside of that, Lohan is going nowhere. Nice knowin’ ya LiLo.

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Lindsay Lohan has been doing everything in her power lately to sell as many cans of her self tanning spray, Sevin Nyne, to anyone who is looking to look darker. Of course it would probably sell more quickly if her pale pasty freckled ass actually used some of it. Here’s the catch, she didn’t develop the formula. Or at least that is what is being claimed by chemist Jennifer Sunday.

Sunday says she created the spray and Sunday’s partner violated contract terms and turned to Lohan to shell out the super expensive spray. I am not really sure if it is expensive. All I know is that when it is SUMMER most people aren’t gonna shell out cash for a tanning spray. That is like opening an ice cream stand in the north pole. Now Sunday says she wants all proceeds from the tanning spray to go directly to her and is probably gonna seek some sort of financial compensation from Lohan and Lorit Simon. Simon is the chick that was partnered with Sunday.

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Samantha Ronson has been spending a lot of time in London. Apparently the act of picking up a record and putting it on the record player and occasionally scratching it back and forth can earn you a lot of money these days. Seems like a frugal job.

So while SamRo was deejaying in London, Lindsay Lohan followed her there is a lame attempt to win her back. Apparently she did just so, or did she? She wrote on her Twitter page, ” Leaving London with my favorite favorite.” Now Lohan could be talking about a number of things. A large back of cocaine. A case of red bulls. But people are speculating that her “favorite favorite” is Samantha Ronson.

If they are back together it is not like they will be able to keep it a secret. Sam will deejay and LiLo will be there getting hammered and annoying the fuck out of Sam. So basically I have to wait a full 12 hours before we find out if they are back on or not. I am calling bullshit, but the clubs will tell us the truth.

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Piranha 3-D may do well- IDLYITW

Look it’s Zach Morris! – Geno’s World

Nicoel Kidman might be preggers- popbytes

Nicollete Sheridan got a hair cut- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Lindsay Lohan is see through- Drunken Stepfather

Speidi are off I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here for good- yeeeah

Pete Doherty arrested after taking drugs on a plane- IDLYITW

Miley Cyrus is back on the market- notorious news

Gerri Halliwell is exploring- Celeb News Wire

Audrina Patridge is single again. Hooray?- Amy Grindhouse

No one wants to star in a movie with Miley Cyrus- Allie Is Wired

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Gordon Ramsey called a chick a fat lesbian- Holy Moly

Stop in the name of Lauren- I Don’t Want Your Life

Lindsay Lohan, for the past few months, maybe longer, has been driving around a pornographer’s Maserati. I don’t know why he lent her the car, but he has taken it back and put it up for auction. The only stabbing question is, how much will a banged up luxury car banged up by Lindsay Lohan go for?

It is a beautiful car and the starting bid is a modest $25,000. It is a Maserati, and now a celebrity Maserati so I am sure it will go for over $100,000 but nothing is set in stone yet. It isn’t like Lindsay had much of a chance of keeping the car anyway. When the pornographer asked for it back LiLo said, “I’ll fuck you for it.” In which point the pornographer remembered all the porn stars who are amazing in bed just sucked him off an hour earlier and when he pictured Lohan naked his penis coiled into his body. You see Lindsay? Not everyone wants to tap that freckled ass of yours.

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In Lindsay Lohan’s life a lot of people have exploited her. Her father, her old boyfriends and especially her mother. But now Lohan is getting exploited by the person she would least expect to be exploited by, her one true lover. That’s right, since showing up to DJ gigs with Lohan in tow, Samantha Ronson is now making over $25,000 per gig as opposed to her $1,500 fee before dating Lindsay.

Because of all these gigs, SamRo has netted in over $3 million last year alone. Sources close to the couple state that Sam never contractually states that Lohan will show up, but that changes come New Years Eve. Come New Years, they have both signed contracts to host a New Years Eve party at Mansion night club in Miami. Why can’t my girlfriend net me millions of dollars for just going out and having a good time? I am going to have to give her a talking to. And by talking to I mean giving her the back of my hand 4 or 5 times until she stops crying.

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Links that can spin a record like no other

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Amy Winehouse topless. PUKE! – notorious news

Pam wears short shorts- IBBB

Alicia Keys rockin’ a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Rock Of Love likes naked chicks- yeeeah

Hilary Duff may be getting married- Geno’s World

Robert Pattinson cut that shit off his head that he called hair- Allie Is Wired

Rihanna will attend the inauguration- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Even in winter Xtina dresses like a whore- I Don’t Want Your Life

Bai Ling wishing you Berry Kwismas- The Bastardly

Video. Usually that conjures up images of hot celebs going nuts on the beefy, but not this time. This piece of shit was taken on a cell phone cam. Weak.

No one is sure if that is really Lilo, but if you make the picture really, really small, then squint your eyes until you can barely see, then yeah. It looks just like her. Whether it is or not, maybe this could be a new career move for her. The most hilarious thing about all of this is Lindsay is said to ‘not remember if this was her being recorded or not’.

Um. I remember when I suck a dick, how about you? And the guy damn well remembers. For a long, long time.

I can’t figure out if this is NSFW or not, you can’t tell if she is puffing the old skin-pipe or huffing down a hot dog. Hell, she might even just be sneezing. Who knows?

Anti-Lindsay Update: The super sexy sleuths over at The Blemish debunked the shit out of this story and even have a clip of the video shown here. It’s not Lindsay Lohan, just some random chick blowing a guy. Snore.

Pork free version after the jump…