Fatback Media

There are 77 days until spring and, honestly, I’m counting the seconds and freezing my balls off. That’s why it warms my heart to see spoiled rich girls like Kristin Cavallari [Ed. note: OMG her ass is perfect. -F] in skimpy bikinis prancing around Malibu while the rest of us dig our cars out of the snow. Am I bitter? No. I’m too cold to be bitter. Too cold and too full of the heavenly spirit of the Lord. The only thing better than a spoiled hot rich-bitch frolicking in Malibu while our economy fails and we wage expensive wars in the desert would be if Kristin Cavallari would sleep with me. And give me $2500.00 US dollars. Yes. Yes, I think the world would be a much better place then. (images)