Kim Kardashian is sick of seeing her sisters do so well and she is left in the dust has a has been Playmate and is not really famous for doing anything in particular. She says she wants to have a kid and get married before she is 30. I think that is a pretty good goal but you have to settle down first.

The last thing this world needs is another Kardashian running around violating couches across the world with their giant ass. Also, someone should tell Kim that you can not get pregnant by letting another guy pee in your mouth. You get the jist of it but it is the wrong liquid going in the wrong hole.

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Links that are artificially inseminated

Hilary Duff has nipple pokies- IDLYITW

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Peaches Geldof is modeling- Holy Moly

Adam Lambert has a new music video out- popbytes

Britney Spears settles lawsuit, ruins see through moment- Amy Grindhouse

The Hills recap- IBBB

Nicole Richie shows off her latest offspring- notorious news

Kelly Brook is cleavagey nice- IDLYITW

This calendar is nuts!- Fatback Media (NSFW)

Not to be outdone by her little sister Khloe, and basically for the reason that she didn’t want to look like a loser like Jennifer Aniston, Kim Kardashian has hooked back up w/ Reggie Bush. I don’t know if it is the money he has in the bank or the taste of his urine that attracts Kim to the running back but they are back and sources say it is for real this time.

A source says, ” They are totally back together for real. Kim and Reggie spent a few months apart getting their priorities together and figuring out who they were as individuals so they can make it work together.” Sounds like they will go for the long haul. Married with children. Til death do them part. What the fuck am I saying? Kim will swindle Reggie for his money just like Khloe is going to do with Lamar Odem. She will convince Reggie that she is so in love that a pre-nup is offensive. They after they fuck on a nightly basis for a year or so, she will call it off. And will get rich for doing so. The name Kardashian will no longer go down in history as a member of the O.J. Simpson dream team but a group of the savviest gold diggers in the history of the U.S.A.

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Gold digging links

Amy winehouse is cured- IDLYITW

Old people should just stick to pooping their pants- Geno’s World

Claire Danes is off the market- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Audrina Patridge interview- I Don’t Want Your Life

Jessica Alba is a red head now- yeeeah

Jon Gosselin gets fired from Jon and Kate Plus 8- notorious news

Britney has a new song- IDLYITW

This is when you know there is not shit for news out there on a Monday. When todays top story is Kim Kardashian dying her hair blonde. She is pretty much famous for being famous and makes news just going to restaurants anyway so I am not too surprised. On the upside she looks really good. And she is single so I actually have a shot at banging her. Right guys? Right?

Here she is photographed at The Teen Choice Awards even though she has practically no business being there but she is good at stuff like that. The only beef I have is the fact that she didn’t go all the way blonde. She has blonde highlights really not full on blonde hair. I figured an attention whore like her would do what most media freaks would do and go full on platinum blonde. Either way I want to see her naked so I am going to dig up an old issue of Playboy while the rest of the world beats off to a pic from the green carpet. Suckers!

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Links that are bald

Lindsay is losing her hair- IDLYITW

2009 Teen Choice Awards winners- Allie Is Wired

Heather Graham is in a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Sienna Miller hates Sienna Miller’s movies- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Sharon Stone is topless- IDLYITW

Kim Kardashian surprised a lot of people when she was photographed with blond hair. Now I could insert a blond joke here, but these are more like highlights then they are “Marilyn Monroe” blond. Of course the change in color might not be purposeful at all. I hear when you let too many guys jizz on your head, your hair changes shades.

Either way, she could dye her hair blue like that douche bag Perez Hilton and I would still want to put it in her butt. As much fun as I would like to make about the brunettes new look, it isn’t for real. It is a wig. But now since she digs it so much, she is thinking about dying it for real. I say go for it. Cause any small change in look would be a vast improvement for a boring socialite. Of course if she did that, she would be asked if the carpet matched the drapes. And that would mean more Kim Kardashian nude pictures. Please dye it, please dye it, please dye it.

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Links that have a shaved head

Lindsay Lohan still looks good in a bikini- IDLYITW

Salma Hayek’s e-mail address got hacked- Amy Grindhouse

Heidi Montag had her vows written on her hand- IBBB

Is that Britney Spears’ tampon? – Allie Is Wired

I like Mary Boobs, I mean Cary- Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel advertises her new ass floss- Celeb News Wire

Powder Blue is going straight to dvd- IDLYITW

Boris Johnson is doing something- Holy Moly

Zac Efron is greasy- yeeeah

Hayden Panettiere is violent- I Don’t Want Your Life

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Katie Holmes is beautiful again. – popbytes

Tori Spelling is kissing. Gross. – Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Hilary Duff wears short shorts- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Creed is reuniting- Geno’s World

Beyonce Knowles tops box office weekend- notorious news

Recently Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson have been fighting. They have actually been fighting non stop for about 4 weeks. But recently when the paparazzi and the police showed up to Ronson’s residence where Lohan was and everyone heard the fighting going on inside that resulted in a broken window, it brought the problems to light.

Kim Kardashian is not having any of it though and is sticking up for Lohan. She says, ” It’s so sad that there is such an invasion of privacy, with camera people, cops and paparazzi outside their home.” She goes on to discuss the broken window. “I mean, when have you not thrown something when you’re mad?” I am just curious as to what was thrown. A dildo? A straight porn tape? Many questions come into my mind when contemplating the specifics of the LiLo SamRo hook up. I am sure things will clear up when they both realize that these fights are the only thing keeping them in the press. I mean what do they do? Sam deejays, and Lindsay, drinks red bull? Wears spandex? Acts erratically? If you chose all of the above congratulations! You have just won $1,000,000! Not really but you wouldn’t know what to do with the money anyway.

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DJ AM is suing- IDLYITW

The City recap- IBBB

$500,000 spent on crack. That is pretty high- Holy Moly

Rebecca Romijn has mom boobs- Drunken Stepfather

Nice cleavage Megan- I Don’t Want Your Life

Desperate lesbians- yeeeah

Clive Owen is for the ladies- IDLYITW

Anna Faris has a sexy ass crack- Celeb News Wire 

A Kate Moss nipple slip- Allie Is Wired

A Kate Moss nipple slip and upskirt all in one shot! Nice. – popbytes

Brenda Acevedo is Miss Howard TV of the year- Geno’s World

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Alyson Hannigan is hot even though she is pregnant- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Oh yea, and happy St.Pattys Day. – notorious news

Kim Kardashian is confusing me. First she had triple decker badonkadonk and now she looks smoking hot in these totally not staged bikini shots in Cabo. Either the photographer is a genius or something has changed. My penis and I have two questions:

1. Was it a wizard?
2. Was it a worm hole?

Either way the scientific community will be all ears about this mystery at the press conference. Also a mystery: the origins of my sexy dance moves. I love the night life. I got ta boogie. It’s true.