It seems that just about every entertainment blog on the internet thinks that Katy Perry is pregnant because she was seen checking out a baby boutique a couple of days ago. She took to her Twitter and squashed all of those rumors, “better luck next months peepz”. It is bad enough that she is engaged to a guy who looks like he just broke out of the nuthouse. The last thing I want is for Katy top be pregnant by that dude.

Of course if she were dating meshe would already be pregnant with triplets. Condoms be damned. I don’t use them. My supersperm breaks right through them. My spunk is so potent that you can look and actually see the sperm. They are not microscopic. I tried explaining this to Katy one night but then she described to me that she can see the sperm anyway cause of her HUGE blue eyes.

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Just about every blog in the universe who is written by a straight man has posted pics of Katy Perry and her phenomenal cleavage at the various award shows she has attended and now it is my turn.

There are probably more important things in the world like research to cure cancer and how to stop the spread of the swine flu but when you look at these pics of Katy Perry I guarantee that cancer and uncontrollable swine vomiting is the furthest thing from your mind. See how she just works magic like that?

Links that are rockin’ double ds

Hayden Panettiere likes to party- IDLYITW

Want Katie Holmes’ kid? That’ll cost $75 mil- Celeb News Wire

Heidi Klum has got her ass back- Drunken Stepfather

Miley Cyrus got a new tattoo- notorious news

Jessica Alba’s husband is possibly the stupidest man on the face of the earth- yeeeah

Brangelina news that no one cares about- IDLYITW

Some people are shallow and when they pray every night or on Sundays when they go to church they ask for world peace, less climatic catastrophes or the war to end in Iraq. Selfish bastards. Katy Perry kneeled down and prayed to God for big boobs. The thing that all guys want their girlfriends, or just girls in general to pray for.

She said, ” I remember very vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn’t be able to see my feet.” God bless. God came through and gave Katy a pretty amazing rack but I am still a little peeved that she hasn’t given us a nipple slip in all this time. She needs to stay in the tabloids right? Does she think she is going to go in the studio one day and write I Kissed a Girl 2? Hell no. Give us some action KP!

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Links that pray for a smaller butt

Some Britney Spears coinslot- IDLYITW

I would TOTALLY go down on a chick who used Red Bull Energy Douche- Geno’s World

Celine Dion is preggers- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Keira Knightley is topless, whoring Chanel- Celeb News Wire

Naomi Campbell flashes her ashy beav- yeeeah

Michael Jackson, still dead, still not buried- IDLYITW

I am guessing that Katy Perry has a lot of time on her hands considering her second cd isn’t doing as well as her first. Don’t get me wrong “Waking up in Vegas” is a killer tune but Katy will NEVER live up to I kissed a girl. She may as well release her third cd called “I Kissed a Girl remixes” and it will be different versions of that song. She could burp it. Maybe sing it while on helium. I have a few ideas.

Here she is sharing picture on TwitPic which is a picture sharing service for Twitter and if you don’t know what Twitter is then crawl out from the rock you have been living under and get a fucking life. I think the pic is kind of sexy. Of course I am sure K-Fed is all too familiar with a scene like this. He comes home from an evening of “rapping” and finds this monstrosity in the bathroom feeding her face and trying to bathe at the same time. Of course holding a soap bar while you are trying to balance greasy cheese on a slice of pie is pretty difficult, so not only is your girlfriend getting fatter, they are less clean as well.

I don’t see why a hotty like Katy Perry could post this and think it is sexy. I mean if her nice little boobies were popping out or you could see her muff through the water, then yes. Hot. Oh well, at least we got a nice leg shot out of it.

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This news makes my boner cry. Katy Perry is now saying that she is no fan of casual sex with strangers. She is dating rocker Travis McCoy but she said before him that she didn’t like sex in general. She says, ” Getting your flirt on is the best thing in the world, but when it comes to sharing bodily fluids with a person I don’t know- no thank you.”

What a prude! First she sings about kissing a girl and now she sings about waking up in Vegas, which usually means you had a really good time the night before and has shared a number of bodily fluids and now she is saying she is a goody good. What a crock. I don’t buy into your bullshit anymore Katy. The next time you have something to say you better have a guy cumming on your face or you blowing a wad into a fish bowl otherwise, I will not listen.

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Katy Perry is sick. Or at least she feels sick. Last night at The BRIT Awards, which I can only assume is an awards show in Great Britain, see I’m smart, Katy Perry felt under the weather and puked backstage. This could be under a number of reasons. Alcohol, mercury poisoning or too much blow. I like to believe all of the above. Rumor has it that the truereason behind the vomitous is because she kissed a boy and didn’t like it.

Another reason she puked may be because all the tabloids are buzzing that she is dating one of the Madden brothers and the thought of the world knowing she is having Paris Hilton’s sloppy seconds is enough to make just about anyone toss their cookies. As much as I would love to see some grainy cell phone pictures of Katy Perry barfing all over the pier diem behind the scenes, the only pics I could find was of her on the red carpet. Here is Katy Perry showing off her sexy legs.

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Katy Perry kissed a girl, but she won’t be kissing another one in a while. For 2009 Katy Perry’s New Year resolution is to have no sex in 2009. This is a big disappointment for me. First we get teased with possible Katy Perry nude pics and then we find out it is not her. Now she is saying she will not be having sex for another year. That means no drunken regrettable hook ups that result in the guy going to the press telling the tabloids about what a great lay Katy Perry is.

The only person she will be kissing, she says, is her cat Kitty Purry. I got to give it to her that is a pretty creative name for a cat. But this still sucks. This chick will be off our radar soon enough anyway. On Feb.8 she will perform at the Grammy Awards and she will probably make the huge mistake of performing another song other than I Kissed A Girl. When one hit wonders do this they demolish their future careers and become instant d-listers. It was nice knowing you Katy, maybe you can leak realnude pictures onto the internet someday. Until then, I bid you farewell.

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Links that will have sex every day in the foreseeable future

Spencer Pratt is a badass. Not really. – Allie Is Wired

Old people on the beach. Gross. – Drunken Stepfather

Angelina Jolie has terrible hair.- yeeeah

Coldplay has a new video- popbytes

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Victoria Silvstedt has nice cleavage- Attu World

Coleen Rooney is getting slimmer- The Bastardly

Oprah is fat. Again. – Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Again. Haha!  - Geno’s World

Pamela Anderson will never change out of her bikini- I Don’t Want Your Life

We’re taking suggestions on who Jen Aniston will date next. – notorious news