Fatback Media

Tom Cruise is the master of ceremonies. He proved that when he married Katie Holmes in a beautiful castle somewhere in Ireland or Scotland or some shit. when he heard that Speidi eloped in a private and small ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, he was appalled. He had this to say to Spencer about the wedding, ” If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding. It’s a special occasion, and she’ll remember it forever. Spencer…dude…you’ll realize this later.

Yea. Spencer. Dude. Wake up. This is Tom Cruise we are talking about. He knows how to put on a show. So you know what this will mean. You will have to re-wed Heidi Montag in an American wedding with an American priest so it will be legal. Oh and you better use a scientology priest too. Or else TomKat will bad mouth your wedding until the day you die. Lesson learned.

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Most people on Thanksgiving stay indoors with family and stuff themselves with turkey. This Thanksgiving TomKat did nothing of the sort. Instead they went out to the Big Apple Circus in NYC with the Beckhams. Afterwards they took a tour of central park, like they have never been there before, and took a horse and carriage ride through the property.

It must be nice to be as rich as TomKat and the Beckhams. While I was inside eating Wal-Mart turkey and smoking cigarettes they were taking a fucking horse carriage ride in NYC. This isn’t the time of year for envy though. Instead I will feel sorry for Jada Pikett Smith. Some people think she is a talented actress, but all I see in a post op transexual. Seriously, I bet Samantha Ronson hit on her until Will Smith walked over and shoved his tongue down her throat complete with adam’s apple. OK I am gonna go throw up now.

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