Fatback Media » Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba Does the Bikini Thing

Tom O — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:11:01 +0000

There are a lot of pictures of Jessica Alba frolicking on the beach with her douche bag boyfriend, or husband, who cares, Cash Warren. But these are the best ones. It is a shame she isn’t giving us a skintight undercarriage shot like she has in the past, but I will definitely settle for these.

Some people on Monday “get a case of the Mondays” but these definitely perked me right up stronger than a double shot of espresso. I just hope this Cash guy is appreciative of the piece of ass he has managed to pull in. If I were dating Jessica Alba, I would kneel down in front of a crucifix every night and cry and pray and thank God at least two dozen times a night. And then when Jessica would enter the room and ask me what I was doing I would turn to her, still on my knees, and wave my arms up and down and say “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”

Photo cred: Splash News

Links that prefer a nude beach

Jessica Simpson is drunk. Yay!- IDLYITW

Jordan has a new slut- Allie Is Wired

Jennifer Love Hewitt is dumpy- Drunken Stepfather

Katy Perry bikini pictures- yeeeah

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miranda Kerr is in a bikini too- IDLYITW

I Said God Damn

fatback — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:05:21 +0000

God. Damn. Jessica Alba somehow managed to get hotter two months after having her baby girl Honor Marie. There’s just something better about her. I can’t put my finger on it. Also, her baby just got paid.

TMZ has learned Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine.

We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved. (TMZ)

I guess you could look at it as a nice college fund, although that baby girl will never see a day of strife in her privileged, genetically superior life. My mom started a college fund for me when I was baby. Well actually she just stuck a pack of Kool’s in my Huggies Pull-ups and forgot about them. Eventually, I learned how to go potty by myself and she found them again. “Good times”, she said, “set for the day.”

Jessica Alba Can Go Back To The Gym Now

fatback — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 04:33:24 +0000

Ahh… Remember this? Jessica Alba the hot 20 something with perfect skin and an even better body? Here’s to hoping that she’ll get her P90X on and get back into fighting shape for the rest of the summer.

Jessica Alba is different

fatback — Tue, 06 May 2008 04:33:43 +0000

God damn Jessica Alba. I guess you can’t complain when one of the hottest chicks on the planet gets a fresh set of Giant Boobies, so I won’t. But pregnant girls kinda creep me out. They’re like pandas, they’re cute from far away but when you get close they just look freaky and might maul your face.

Jessica Alba is goofy

fatback — Wed, 23 May 2007 15:03:11 +0000

Super hot movie star Jessica Alba claims she’s “goofy”?. And my question is: Who cares? She can claim to be Rolanda Queen of the Nicaraguan Sunsets as long as she keeps making movies in a bikini. Nothing says acting chops like a string bikini. True story.

“People think of me as just a sexy girl,” the self-described “dork,” 26, says in the June issue of InStyle, “but I’m really goofy , like, super goofy.”

Not that she’s knocking her looks, which first made her famous on the 2000-02 TV series Dark Angel. “I had womanly curves at a young age,” she says. “Usually kid actors are a few years older than the roles they play. I was two or three years younger.” (source)

This is the point where I would call Jessica a conceited whore because I really think she is, but with that body, goofy or not, she could poke out your eye with a pencil sharpened on the sidewalk and you’d still line up to drink her bath water. Where I come from, having curves at a young age is not as sexy as it may sound. It pretty much relegates you to marriage by senior year, dropping out and living in a trailer park taking care of three dirty faced children while your husband, the former football captain, shows off his skills as the manager of the Piggly Wiggly. I’m not saying that southern teen mothers are trashy uneducated whores. Well actually, yes. Yes I am. But Jesus loves them, god bless ‘em, and that’s all that matters.

Here’s Jessica getting into some trouble with the law. You have the right to remain sexy. Owwww.