Fatback Media » Jail bait

Congrats! You’ve made us all pervs.

fatback — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:12:36 +0000

So who is this chick Selena Gomez anyway? I heard she’s cat fighting with Miley Cyrus all the time but I had no idea who she was till I got these pics of her at a fashion show last week. Apparently, she’s another teenage jailbait singer that Disney dresses up in grown up clothes in order to make us all into fucking pervs. Congratulations, Disney. You win. Now we all spend 45 minutes crying after we jerk off. Fuck you.

On a lighter note, in case you were wondering, I’ve been extremely busy lately trying salvage this fucking economy and keep the streets safe for little kids and puppies, so I haven’t posted much in a while. We gotta stop tha hate people. And tha haters. Fo. Sho. Also, I need a full time writer to help out. So if you’re sexy and can at least fake a southern accent, drop us a line in the tips section. Now I’m off to some older action. Where’s my JoJo folder…?

Not Fair!

fatback — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:44:50 +0000

Why do jailbait celebrities like JoJo insist on dressing up like grownups and confusing the shit out of me? JoJo is like 13 right? This outfit and that body are not for teenagers. I have enough trouble trying to keep Dateline NBC from showing up at my house without this shit. JoJo is extremely cute and looks like she’d date black guys (which is a plus if you’re a stud like me!) but she needs to keep that shit under wraps for a few more years so I don’t have to worry about surrendering my hard drives to authorities or what’s going to happen to my immortal soul if I keep doing the things I do to pictures like this.

UPDATE: Phew! Normally I don’t do this, but I checked Wikipedia (who’s always truthin’ like a muhfukka) and they say JoJo is 17 (she turns 18 this Christmas), so technically she’s not jail bait. In my home state of South Carolina, she’s practically an old maid. Hag.

Jaime Lynn Spears Has A Stalker

fatback — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:44:19 +0000

A photographer has been arrested for allegedly stalking Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge (better known as the guy who is being passed off as the real father of Jamie Lynn’s baby).

Edwin W. Merino, 30, of Los Angeles, posted bond Tuesday. He is scheduled to appear in court next week.

Authorities in Liberty, a small town in southwest Mississippi near the Louisiana border, said Merino wouldn’t leave the pregnant Spears and her fiance, Casey Aldridge, alone. (Yahoo News)

He’s a paparazzo. Isn’t it his job to stalk people? I think the real crime here is the lack of social programs and aid for the indigent in the deep south. And also, how good my ass looks in these new Diesel Jeans. Rreeow.

Here’s some pics of Jamie Lynn Spears before she got pregnant, because pregnant teens creep me out. I’m running out of aliases ladies.

Hey daddy, got milk?

fatback — Fri, 16 May 2008 04:33:39 +0000

Um. This looks like one of those pictures that will have Dateline knocking on your door at 2 O’clock in the afternoon. I’m not saying it’s sexually suggestive, though. I mean what’s suggestive about a pubescent teen in a wife-beater, with her legs spread open with white stuff on her face? NOTHING! Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me.