Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are going all the way for Halloween this week and new they could steal the headlines back from Jon and Kate Gosselin by dressing up as them. I personally think this is a hysterical costume idea and the fact that they are lugging over a dozen baby dolls with them makes the costumes even funnier.

But seriously, they may be peering into their future. They are married and what most people do after they get married is have kids but I guess they are both too big of attention whores to give attention to another small life in this world. However, Heidi has said in the past that not only does she want kids some day but that she actually wants to have multiple kids. If they fuck around and use in vitro fertilization then they may just have sextuplets like Kate Gosselin. Big props to Speidi for this costume idea. It may be topped on Halloween eve but I am giving them the costume of the year so far.

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So this is Heidi Montag in in her *ahem* adult magazine photoshoot.

Two things:

1. I’ve seen more nudity in the Bible
2. I’ve seen less airbrushing on a beaded t-shirt in Myrtle Beach South Carolina

Why do they airbrush the SHIT out of these things? She’s like 24 and has huge tits. She’s all set. It’s not like she’s some aging actress trying to get back some of the glory of the Buffy days (sorry Kristy! Call me!). We don’t need “sexy elegant” here. This magazine sits on the back of the toilet in a frat house, not the desk of the CEO of Bank of America next to Yachting Digest.  I mean how classy can you really be with your tits hanging out in a spank mag photo session? But I digress…

Speaking of naked tits. THERE ARE NONE. It’s the ultimate tease by a girl who will probably make every man in her life put his fist through a wall. I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t give you partial credit. So, enjoy? These will probably be gone within a few hours.

I am a pervert so I am super excited that Heidi Montag is going to take off all of her clothes for Playboy even though she tries to be a good little Christian girl. During the red carpet premiere for the new G.I. Joe Movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, Speidi decided to make an appearance with the September issue of the magazine showing off how dirty Heidi can get.

When I say dirty I mean it in the most literal form because on the cover she is smeared with dirt and mud and has the Playboy bunny carved into her stomach. I am not a huge fan of Heidi or The Hillsbut I don’t mind looking at pretty girls when they are naked and even though I am not a fan I gotta say that this is probably one of the coolest covers in Playboy history. I would love to smear the website with pics I am going to scan when the issue comes out but being sued isn’t all that much fun so you probably won’t see them here. Sorry.

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Heidi Montag has finally got in over her head with her attention whoring ways. She was rushed to a Coasta Rican hospital over the weekend after enduring a challenge on the NBC show I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. I am guessing the show will air tonight, but NBC is being coy about the fact that Speidi is back on the show or not.

Heidi was locked in something called the Lost Chamber and was not allowed out, according to Us magazine, a couple of days. Afterwards Heidi was rushed to the hospital and had to have an IV put in her. I wonder where they stuck it? Hehe. I know I am perverted. Anyway, this is probably the most serious trip Heidi has taken to the hospital since she had to have her tonsils removed when she was 12. NBC is claiming they did not torture her, and Heidi is thinking about leaving the show. But once that voice in her head says “ATTENTION, ATTENTION, ATTENTION” she will reconsider and will endure just about anything to prolong her 15 minutes of fame.

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Links that never leave the woods

Angelina Jolie is famous- IDLYITW

Ron Jeremy is helpful- Geno’s World

Britney Spears is clubbing- popbytes

Stephen Colbert shaves his head for the troops- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

P.Diddy is working with Miley Cyrus- Drunken Stepfather

Hugh Jackman wears funny little hats- yeeeah

The David Carradine death is looking more and more like a murder- IDLYITW

Britney Spears is topless- notorious news

Jessica Alba is a dumpster diver- Celeb News Wire

Bruno movie lawsuit is clearly garbage- Amy Grindhouse

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Kelly Brook voted sexiest body and breasts- Holy Moly

Avril Lavigne is still alive- I Don’t Want Your Life

Leona sings. Whoever that is- Allie Is Wired

There is a new show that is on tv called I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. It basically takes the bottom dwelling d-listers in Hollywood and put them all together on an island in Costa Rica and make them do shit. I am not quite sure how the show works but it something to do with people in the states calling in and telling the producers how to torture celebrities.

Of course, desperate for even more attention, Speidi signed up to be on the show. And they can not take it. They are actually living up to the shows name and desperately want out of there. According to E!, they expected to be staying at an actual hotel and spend most of the day chilling on the beach. And if you know Heidi Montag’s music videos, she is good at that.

But they weren’t only pissed about the shitty accomodations, they were t.o.ed that they were coupled with people who, in their eyes, were less famous than themselves. Heidi Montag complained to a producer, ” I wish they had some real celebrities like K-Fed.” Shit. You think K-Fed is gonna go out there away from all his alimony money and actually work? Hahaha! I think not!

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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag a.k.a Speidi, a.k.a. The Attention Whores got hitched this weekend at 4 o’clock on Saturday. They already got married in Mexico but that isn’t in the U.S.A. so that didn’t count. And this wasn’t a very small affair. OK it was small in regards to how many people were there, but the amenities spared no expense. When I was on Facebook, many people who live in California were bitching about how a sky writer was writing “Spencer Loves Heidi” in the air over and over.

How romantic. It warms my soul to know that someone would succumb to that level of douche baggery in a failed attempt to seem romantic. And the big expenses didn’t stop there, Heidi wore almost $1.2 million worth of jewels from Neil Lane. Of course people don’t do big things like this just for themselves. Well… not Speidi. Cameras were there and the wedding will be on MTV’s The Hills. Even though Heidi and Lauren Conrad have beef curtains, Lauren still showed up to the wedding.

Just to name a few d-listers that showed up include, Brody Jenner, Jayde Nicole, Audrina Patridge, Frankie Delgado, Kristin Cavallari and Lauren “Lo” Bosworth. So the whole gang was there. How romantic, how sexy, how… oh fuck it they will be in the tabloids again tomorrow, no reason to trump this up.

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Speidi have been in our lives for years now. They are the biggest attention whoring couple in Hollywood. And now that they have found true love, they are going to make it legal by getting married. Saturday, April 25 in an undisclosed location in Pasadena, California the couple will say their “I do’s” and then the bottom will drop out from the relationship and they will be divorced in 6 months.

As much as people tend to think that Hollywood relationships don’t work out, I am pretty sure these two freaks can not get enough of each other. According to a source,” This will be a real wedding. It’s being filmed for the season finale of The Hills.” Of course it is. You think these two will actually get married and not have a camera present? Afterwards, look forward to a honeymoon somewhere outside the U.S. where a LOT of cameras will be present while they frolic on the beach. Maybe I will get lucky and Heidi will go to a nude beach.

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The worlds two favorite attention whores are supposedly having a little trouble in paradise. After their Cabos San Lucas nuptials this past month, Spencer Pratt is now refusing to make their wedding legal stateside. After all this Heidi mother Darlene is still denying the fact that they got married willingly at all. Spencer told Ryan Seacrest, ” [ She said] I would like to see a blood test from Mexico.It wouldn’t surprise me if he had her drugged.”

Awww. What a loving family. You get hitched and your new mother-in-law is accusing you of drugging her daughter to get married to you. If they didtake a dug test from Mexico, it wouldn’t surprise me at all either to find out Heidi ad drugs in her system. Only I believe that any drugs in Heidi’s system at the time of the wedding were put there willingly from Heidi herself. So this is basically the same Speidi crap that we have been hearing about for weeks now. Only now, Spencer has cold feet and they more than likely will not make the wedding legal here in the states. Because if thy did that, then they would have to sell the wedding pics to Us magazine, and I don’t think Us would buy them. And an egotist like Speidi, just couldn’t take that kind of rejection.

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Links that are single for life

Bazooka Joe joke of the day- IBBB

Tom Cruise’s new movie sucks- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Paris Hilton channels Sherlock Holmes- notorious news

Danielle Fishel still looks good- The Bastardly

Katy Perry has beast herpees- I Don’t Want Your Life

Celebrities Xmas shop too! – popbytes

Ashley Tisdale in a bikini! That’s right I said it- Allie Is Wired

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Scarlett Johansson talks- Geno’s World

Pussycat Dolls are trying to be G rated- Drunken Stepfather

Samantha Ronson hospitalized for drugs exhaustion- yeeeah

Tom Cruise is the master of ceremonies. He proved that when he married Katie Holmes in a beautiful castle somewhere in Ireland or Scotland or some shit. when he heard that Speidi eloped in a private and small ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, he was appalled. He had this to say to Spencer about the wedding, ” If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding. It’s a special occasion, and she’ll remember it forever. Spencer…dude…you’ll realize this later.

Yea. Spencer. Dude. Wake up. This is Tom Cruise we are talking about. He knows how to put on a show. So you know what this will mean. You will have to re-wed Heidi Montag in an American wedding with an American priest so it will be legal. Oh and you better use a scientology priest too. Or else TomKat will bad mouth your wedding until the day you die. Lesson learned.

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Heidi Montag’s mom, who is just about as big of an attention whore as her daughter, is saying that Heidi was drugged by Spencer Pratt and that is why she got eloped. Heidi’s mother Darlene is now saying that she gives the marriage six months. Six months? That is like 18 years in Hollywood time. However, as long as The Hills is still on t.v., which I hope isn’t going to be for too much longer, then they will never break up. They make beautiful news together.

However, just because they tied the knot doesn’t mean the marriage is legal. You see, they got married in Mexico. Cabos San Lucas if I am not mistaken. So even if they got divorced it wouldn’t be that hard to break up the union because they aren’t even legal in the first place. But Spencer wants to change all that. He tells Us magazine, “I’m on it. In my mind, it’s as legal as the ring on my finger.” Don’t worry people. He’s on it. By God’s will we will have a legal Speidi union in the U.S. of A. Whatever.

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Links sexier than Victoria Secret

Fun with Lindsay Lohan’s Myspace blog- IBBB

Jennifer Aniston is desperate- notorious news

Madonna is modeling- Allie Is Wired

Best.Cleavage.Ever. – The Bastardly

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Taylor Swift is pooping her pants- I Don’t Want Your Life

The Real Desperate Housewives Of Atlanta is stupid- d-listed

Keri Russel gets slutty- Drunken Stepfather

This is too much dress for a d-lister- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Celebrity Apprentice to be extended. Woohoo! – Geno’s World