Super class act -  and creator of most of the content on my hidden 2nd hard drive -  Joe Francis (of Girls Gone Wild fame) recently told E!’s Hollywood Party Girl that Lindsay was straight  – not gay – and went on to say she had a huge cavernous vazhe. [Okay I made that last part up, but in my defense this story is pretty boring]

“Lindsay’s straight,” he offered. “I think Sam has taken ownership of Lindsay. I think if Sam were to let Lindsay go even that much; Lindsay would revert back to being straight.”

Ronson’s rep declined to comment saying, “We don’t comment on stuff like that,” while LiLo’s rep has yet to respond.

Francis was reported to have dated Linds in her prerehab days and she even vacationed at his Casa Aramara mansion in Mexico.   (E!)

Snore. We get it Joe, you fucked a lot of underage girls. Jesus. You don’t see me running around bragging about how I had sex with three smokin’ hot Filipino cheerleaders who were all sisters when I was in high school do you? I’m way too classy for that shit. Plus I’m a big fan of adobado.

These pics show Lindsay Lohan at an Ugly Betty party looking every bit of the smoking hot, 42 yr old cougar. Reeeow.

Former high priced call girl, Ashley Alexandra Dupré may be getting 15 more minutes of fame – reality style. E! is reporting that she is in negotiations for her own realty series that could range from a dating format to her just riding around in a limo trying to get guys to bang her for money. [Ed. note: I made that last part up]

A source tells E!, … that Dupré, 23, has been developing an unscripted show with production execs at L.A.-based Handprint Entertainment, the same company that has managed the career of reality icon Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson.

One of the concepts being considered is a dating format.

“They’re talking to MTV about Ashley being the next Tila Tequila,” says a source close to the project. (Handprint execs couldn’t be reached for comment on the project; MTV declined comment). (E!)

MTV has gone from a cutting edge, scrappy little network airing the music of a new generation to a soul-raping juggernaut of mind depletion. People actually lose intelligence by watching, starring in a series, or even saying the letters M-T-V out loud. The fact that aspiring film makers in film school can use the terminology “MTV cuts” lets me know that Armageddon is nigh. Except that Armageddon won’t be ushered in by fire and brimstone in the blink of an eye, it will be signaled by slack-jawed drooling automatons with mighty muscular thumbs clicking the remote to MTV’s newest reality show, “The Whore Bachelorette, starring Ashley the Former Whore”. You have been warned.