Paris Hilton is a high maintenance chick. She likes to spend a lot of money and get sloshed at clubs and most importantly, she likes to travel a lot. And I am sure Paris Hilton has no clue what it is like to fly coach cause the bitch is always on a private jet going to random places around the globe.

Her ex-boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, made the critical mistake of paying for everything while he was dating Paris Hilton thinking that someday she would come to her sense and settle down and marry him. Paris Hilton can say whatever she wants but I am sure her anti-commitment ass called it off.

This gives me the perfect opportunity to get in Paris Hilton’s panties but I tend to not like STDs. Call me crazy. It was just the way I was raised I guess.

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It has been confirmed through Paris Hilton’s rep that the relationship between Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt is officially over. They split over two weeks ago but she denied the split. Probably hoping that she could change and actually settle down with someone instead of being the pathetic late 20-year-old, searching aimlessly for a mate.

If I am not mistaken, this is the longest Paris has gone dating just one person. She dated Reinhardt for a shocking 14 months. This in any case is good news for me cause now, after I stock up on anti-STD meds, I can start hitting on her when she starts frequenting the clubs again. We already have Lindsay Lohan falling down drunk out of a club just about every night and now we will have Paris too. Ah! Old times!

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Weekend links that can’t settle down

Catherine Zeta-Jones does Allure, naked- IDLYITW

Tila Tequila is rockin’ NYC- Allie Is Wired

Amanda Seyfried makes out with a dog- Drunken Stepfather

Bruce Willis wants you to smell like him- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miley Cyrus likes the paparazzi- Geno’s World

Tila Tequila fucked the dj- Popbytes

Kristin Cavallari looks frumpy- Amy Grindhouse

Dr. 90210 has breast implants- IBBB

Madonna supports child labor- Celeb Jihad

Jay Z is suing the Red Sox- Daily Stab

Skin links

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Amanda Seyfried

Not too long ago Paris Hilton moved in with her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt and since living there, she has already pissed off the cops tp no end just like she did at her house. She has loud parties and people are always stopping by and now the cops are saying that if they get one more complaint they are going to issue tickets and make arrests.

As cool as it would be to see Paris Hilton go to jail again, I think she has learned her lesson. I don’t see why she hasn’t been attention whoring herself (well not as much) as she used to. She used to go to a club and party all night and get hammered and be photographed leaving the bar with a new dude on her shoulder every night but now she has settled down. I say BOO! Loud parties aren’t gonna keep you in the headlines Paris. Make another tape so I can keep you on my relevancy radar.

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Not too long ago Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt called it quits on their relationship. Apparently Paris got sick of having sex in bathrooms of night clubs and sucking face in public. But now she is back with Doug Reinhardt, as of a few weeks ago. Doug Reinhardt looks like a cool guy, not the typical douche bag that socialites like Paris Hilton usually dates.

Usually at or around this time I get very jealous and don’t want Paris Hilton dating anyone but me. As sweet as it would be to fuck her, I know in real life that I wouldn’t even if I had the chance because I am not a big fan of little crabs crawling around on my balls and causing me to scratch them until I bleed. However, if Doug likes bumps on his wee-wee from Paris’ hoo-ha, then no one can really stop him.

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If you have been paying attention to the tabloids lately, then you know Paris Hilton is totally gaga over her new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. The two sluts have been slutting it up everywhere. The most recent incident happened on a friends yacht at Cannes. What the fuck is up with Cannes anyway? Does that shit just last forever, and when you attend and are a celebrity you get a free yacht. Every single story going on in the media takes place on a yacht.

Anyway, Paris and Doug weren’t on board for long because when her and her boyfriend took their make-out sessions to the next level and went to the bathroom, apparently to have sex, the friend Dave who invited Paris spotted them and booted her off the boat. Apparently the entire ship including the captain erupted in applause when the two exited the vessel. That is a bunch of bullshit though. No one applauded.

It is also being reported that when the captain pulled away from the shore the captain mooned Paris and screamed, ” Paris is a poopy pants! She likes to make stinky!” Yea he probably didn’t say that either, but hey, it’s rumor.

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It seems like trouble follows Paris Hilton. While attending the re-opening of Miami night club Fontainebleau Paris approached the DJ at around 3 a.m. and asked if she could spin some Madonna or Black Eyed Peas. Something she could dance to. After she approached the dj a bodyguard intervened and apparently began to attack Paris Hilton. OK so maybe he didn’t attack her but he put his hands on her and that was enough to set her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt off.

They got into a brawl and Paris was unscaved and Doug left with a bloody lip. Sources say they booked the next flight the fuck out of Miami and back to wherever socialites spend their spring. See this is why I hate Florida. It is a police state. When a simple American icon tries to listen to her music, the law has to get involved. Did I say icon? I meant attention whore. But you get the point. Just for the record, Paris had a bloody lip too but that was a popped herpee. Not a result from fighting.

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Links that fight with both fists

It’s official: Madonna is adopting again- IDLYITW

Getting to know, YOU! – IBBB

Peaches Geldorf has something to say- Holy Moly

Courtney Cox flashes her panties- Drunken Stepfather

Anna Kournikova was smokin’ on Jimmy Fallon the other night- I Don’t Want Your Life

K-Fed is making a new cd- yeeeah

Megan Fox is ridiculously hot in short shorts- IDLYITW

What the fuck happened to Scarlett Johansson’s tits?- Celeb News Wire

Kelly Clarkson has a new video coming out for her new single- Allie Is Wired

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Sometimes you just get an itch- popbytes

Ozzy Osbourne is learning how to drive- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Amy Winehouse is sucking her thumb like a little baby- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

All of a sudden John Mayer thinks twitter is dumb. You know who is dumb? John Mayer- Geno’s World

Run for the hills kids, Madonna is adopting again! – notorious news

Paris Hilton can get just about any guy she wants in America, including me, so I don’t see why she settles for this douche bag who just broke up with Amanda Bynes. Doug Reinhardt and Paris have been secretly meeting at clubs and at Paris’ house for some time now and some people are speculating that the reason for the split between Amanda Bynes and Doug Reinhardt is because of Paris.

Now I would not immediately go to Tokyo if asked by Paris Hilton. Play it slow. On your first date maybe take a plane to New York. Week two of the relationship, jet off to London.On week three, then and only then, agree to go to Tokyo. The reason behind this isn’t very deep. It is simply because you can’t have good sex in those little one person hotel rooms on Tokyo. By the time week three rolls around I would have already fucked her and moved on. Oh snap! Look who got played!

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Links that have a private jet of their own

Kim Kardashian is beautiful- IDLYITW

Slumdog Millionaire stars milk their fame for all it’s worth- Geno’s World

Amy Winehouse’s ex is out of the clink- Holy Moly

The Real Housewives of OC reunion- IBBB

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

It turns out Rosie O’Donnell still has menopause- Celeb News Wire

Chris Brown is in anger management- IDLYITW

Wired music: Kelly Clarkson- Allie Is Wired

Was Rihanna pregnant? – popbytes

Samantha Ronson thinks she’s a musician. Isn’t that cute? – Drunken Stepfather

Jenna Jameson wants you to smell like her- yeeeah

Adnan Ghalib is charged with 3 felonies- notorious news