Fatback Media

God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

Christina Aguilera was not playing around at the Dior Show in New York this week. She wore an 80’s (60’s?) style dress circa Saved By the Bell, and completely pulled it off because of the post pregnancy BigASSTitties™.

Christina Aguilera is looking more like a character from TV show Dallas than a Dirrty girl these days.

Following in the 80s revival footsteps of Victoria Beckham, yummy mum Xtina wore this all-white power-dress to the Dior show in New York. (Mirror)

I’ve always had a mortal fear of pregnant chicks. To me they’re like the Bunyip is to the Aborigines - loud, scary and may kill you and eat you if you’re not careful. However, the one cool side effect of vomiting a baby sack out of your junk is the onset of gigantic boobies. Of course, this only works if you have a personal trainer to work out the other parts. So all you postpartum ladies driving your minivans to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru take note: If you’re still wearing the stretch pants when your baby starts to walk, you failed.

PS. Did you see that colon? Education = success.