Posts tagged Breasts
Sisterhood of the Traveling KABAM!
Jul 29th
G’Damn. I don’t know what the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (there was a 1?) is about, but I’m sure it’s has a nice character arc about Blake Lively’s amazing breasts. This is Blake Lively at a premier for the new film which according to the crack writers at IMDB is about:
[F]our young women continue the journey toward adulthood that began with “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” Now three years later, these lifelong friends embark on separate paths for their first year of college and the summer beyond, but remain in touch by sharing their experiences with each other as they always have-with honesty and humor. Discovering their individual strengths, fears, talents and capacity for love through the choices they make, they come to value more than ever the bond they share and the immeasurable power of their friendship. (IMDB)
That sounds so heartwarming and sweet that it really makes me realize that I never want to see it. Good job IMDB. Thanks for alerting me to the death of fun. Unless Blake Lively is topless carrying a grenade launcher and wearing those god damn jeans, I’m pretty sure I’m sitting this one out. Besides, no film could ever top Beaches for girl bonding.
The Debut of Heidiwood
Apr 14th
Heidi Montag launched her clothing new line, “Heidiwood for Anchor Blue,” in La-La Land this weekend, thus proving that people with special needs really can do it all! See, Heidi is what my grandmother would call “touched.” She’s touched with delusions of grandeur, a lot of stupidity, a terrible voice, poor taste in men, and I’m pretty sure she’s been touched with a bit of Down’s Syndrome as we’ve suggested here before. So congratulations to Heidi for showing that those with small brains (and big, fake boobs) can live full lives. She’s truly an inspiration to all!
Jessica Simpson’s Agent Hates Her
Apr 10th
I had no idea that Jessica Simpson’s agent hated her so much. Sure, she was allowed to make her “Blonde Ambition” movie that about 34 people in Texas went to see, but that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is found splayed across May’s Esquire cover where Jessica’s agent allows her to appear SHAVING HER FACE on the cover of a major men’s magazine. I get that she’s recreating a classic 1965 Esquire cover with Italian actress Virna Lisa, but seriously y’all this can’t be helpful to her increasingly non-existent career. And I’d bet money that Daddy Joe ghostwrote the entire introduction to the article. With phrases describing Jessica as “hot as fresh milk,” with “breasts like plucked guinea hens,” and “a caviar body lacquered in barbeque sauce,” surely this is the stuff of creepy Joe getting way too excited while trying to describe his daughter and not that of a professional writer. You can decide for yourself–check out the text and additional pics of Jess from Esquire below . . .
