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This is Jessica Simpson showing off her rack new fragrance at Dillard’s in Dallas. She can call it a “fragrance” all she wants, but even after all these years she’s still just a big titted blond slinging perfume at the local mall. She still looks great, but the new round of virginal pre-fab hotties are 10 years younger than her, and even at 15 make Jessica seem ancient by comparison. Maybe next time I’m at Dillard’s she can recommend a nice fragrance for one of my girlfriends or direct me to the MAC counter on her way out to lunch in the food court. Did you see the new bra’s at Cache? I know, right?

Sex Panther links….

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• Julianne Hough – 2008 American Music Awards

Jenny McCarthy is reporting that she has cured her son of Autism, a puzzling disease that until Jenny’s sorcery had no known cause or cure. Stars. They’re just like us! Except way better.

Despite criticism from the American Academy of Pediatrics, Jenny McCarthy says she helped her son, Evan, recover from autism.

The actress – who believes the MMR vaccine was to blame for her son’s diagnosis – says a strict no wheat-and-dairy-free diet has changed her son from a quiet little boy who used to flail his arms around to a loving six-year-old.

“Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly,” she says in the newest issue of Us Weekly. “Then it was like someone came down and stole him.” (Us)

I remember getting vaccinated as a kid and let me tell you, I was pretty pouty afterwards. My mom said we were going to Chucky Cheese for a special dinner and boy was I surprised when I ended up working in a shoe factory for 12 years. Come to think of it… maybe I didn’t get vaccinated after all.

To show my respect for Jenny’s little brat, I’m posting some sexy pictures of his mom. Wait, no. I’m doing that because I’m a dick. More naked Jenny in the NSFW section, too.

Hm. What happened this summer? This is Mila Kunis on the set of her new movie Extract. I didn’t go to film school but this is already shaping up to be the best movie ever made. It’s got action, three dimensional character arcs, excellent cinematography and lighting, and probably a good soundtrack. How can I tell that from just a picture? Well technically I can’t, Fellini, so why don’t take your stupid striped shit and beret and go shoot a boring black-and-white scene with no dialogue and under-expose it to make it look artsy. Besides, staring down Mila Kunis’ shirt is going to warm the hearts of millions prove that: IN A WORLD where  you’ve given up on finding love, you may find that it was there all along – standing right beside you when you needed it most. [Cue the best friends become lovers montage].

[More Mila]