God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

God. Damn.

This is Cajun hottie Lacey Chabert from Party of Five, the show where she played the little sister that you knew would grow up to be smoking hot, so you imagined her as a 17 yr old when you jerked off to the tv and now for some reason you still get a boner when LOST comes on. What’s that about? Anyway, she’s been off the hellbus for like 8 years but, for all us who are not pervs, here’s Lacey and her glorious rack at some event that I could have looked up, but who really cares.

G’Damn. I don’t know what the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (there was a 1?) is about, but I’m sure it’s has a nice character arc about Blake Lively’s amazing breasts. This is Blake Lively at a premier for the new film which according to the crack writers at IMDB is about:

[F]our young women continue the journey toward adulthood that began with “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” Now three years later, these lifelong friends embark on separate paths for their first year of college and the summer beyond, but remain in touch by sharing their experiences with each other as they always have-with honesty and humor. Discovering their individual strengths, fears, talents and capacity for love through the choices they make, they come to value more than ever the bond they share and the immeasurable power of their friendship. (IMDB)

That sounds so heartwarming and sweet that it really makes me realize that I never want to see it. Good job IMDB. Thanks for alerting me to the death of fun. Unless Blake Lively is topless carrying a grenade launcher and wearing those god damn jeans, I’m pretty sure I’m sitting this one out. Besides, no film could ever top Beaches for girl bonding.

Gillian Anderson is pregnant. Again. Here she is at the X-Files premier in LA looking cougariffic and radiant. Which is a nice way of saying she’s fat. Her boobs look huge so I’d probably still hit it. Yeah. I would.

If you want see Gillian back in the day all naked and skinny you can go here: Gillian Anderson Nude

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This is Kristin Chenoweth at the zoo. Or at a movie opening at the zoo. Or at a movie opening about monkeys. I’m not sure because research is my kryptonite. I do know that her tits are awesome and they’re all kinds of hanging out, which makes her the best actress ever. I’m thinking she gets an Oscar for her performance in the monkey movie. Ok. Yeah. So I just found out she’s doing a voice and the film Space Chimps is animated. And well monkeys may be close to humans but monkey tits aren’t really that great. Trust me. And to the nosy zookeeper at the Columbia Zoo, you should just mind your own beeswax next time.

Bong. Bong. Dick Wolf, the creator of the ubiquitous Law & Order series, thinks he might have been short changed by NBC, the network that airs all the new episodes.

“Law and Order” super-producer Dick Wolf and NBC Universal are battling over the profits from the crime procedurals that have helped defined the genre for 19 years, the Wall Street Journal reports. This year, Wolf engaged in two legal battles over his creations’ revenue and friends of his say the producer thinks he has been cheated by NBC, the Journal says. (TV Week)

NBC of course, says that Dick Wolf is a greedy bastard. And well, with 3 full time series airing new episodes this fall on NBC and all three in syndication on every single cable channel (You can find an episode of L&O on at any hour of any day ever these days) they might have a point.

So why the old pics of Alicia Witt (who stars in L&O Criminal Intent) from a few years back? Because aside from our dedication to bringing you the most accurate entertainment news available, we also like chicks with big tits. Especially chicks who let their big tits hang out and have a penchant for watching porn.

God. Damn. Jessica Alba somehow managed to get hotter two months after having her baby girl Honor Marie. There’s just something better about her. I can’t put my finger on it. Also, her baby just got paid.

TMZ has learned Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine.

We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved. (TMZ)

I guess you could look at it as a nice college fund, although that baby girl will never see a day of strife in her privileged, genetically superior life. My mom started a college fund for me when I was baby. Well actually she just stuck a pack of Kool’s in my Huggies Pull-ups and forgot about them. Eventually, I learned how to go potty by myself and she found them again. “Good times”, she said, “set for the day.”

God. Damn.

Ashlee Simpson’s rack has gone from great to awesome now that she’s eating for two. I figure she has about 3 more weeks of complete hotness before the grossness sets in and we have to write her off till Christmas. I’m not saying that pregnant girls are gross. Wait, yes I am totally saying that.

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Erm. Something’s definitely different about Ashlee Simpson. Did she color her hair? New cut? Is that a new shirt? WHAT IS IT?

Ashlee, who got engaged to rocker boyfriend PETE WENTZ last month, has recently been subject of rumours surrounding a possible pregnancy.

But the eye-catching size of her bust pictured above will only increase speculation, as it looks like she’s developed a pair of CHRISTINA AGUILERA-style pregnancy boobs.

Either that or the wiring of her bra is truly immense.

The mystery deepens… (SUN UK)

Also a mystery, is how my super sexy dance moves saved the day when the bullies tried to take over the orphanage. I’m a maniac.