Fatback Media

Shalom Harlow is BAILING under that watermark. This may seem weird, because you know how I hate watermarked images. But just bear with me. [Ed. note. I originally typed 'just bare with me', which of course you can feel free to do as well, you naughty bird]. Anyway, this is Shalom Harlow, tall skinny supermodel hottie attempting to surf and making her awww ain’t it cute factor go way, way up.

This is Audrina Patridge trying on bikinis. [I thought that you weren't allowed to do that because your junk touches the fabric? Note to self: NEVER try on bikini before washing]. And why wouldn’t Audrina Partridge buy a new bikini? She’s a hot chick with big tits and that’s pretty much all she does for the world. Of all the vapid bitches on the completely scripted and made-up show, The Hills, Audrina Patridge is the least unlikable. She’s got great tits and she likes to get her picture taken in bikinis (and naked) which makes her a hero in 42 countries and three island nations. What she doesn’t do is try to sell clothes, or merchandise, or endorsements or be smart. Which is why I’m pretty sure that I’m going to marry her for a while.

Irish Rock singer Bono and his chum Simon Carmody (of Golden Horde) took time off in the French Riveira this week to reflect on their charity work, take in the sites and even squeezed in time to  bang a few teenage girls. The girls were discreet enough to keep it to themselves and only the 350 million other people on Facebook. I love teenagers!

The Irishmen met up with two 19-year-olds, American fashion student Andrea Feick and her British friend Hannah Emerson, in the playboys’ playground of St Tropez.

Miss Feick told The Mail on Sunday she had known Bono for a few years but insisted their relationship had never crossed the line beyond friendship.

She said: ‘I think that for somebody who’s much older than I am… no thank you.

‘No…God no!’ she laughed. ‘God no! He’s a friend of mine and that’s pretty much it. I’m not going to get into details, but it’s a small world.’

Miss Feick excitedly announced the trip in one public message [on Facebook] to her friend, saying: ‘So Bono and Simon called me yesterday and they arrived in Cannes today, so looks like we’ll have a plan! ’ (Daily Mail)

It’s nice to see that Bono can still get some premium ass even at his old age. It really makes you feel good for all the other old, disgustingly rich, narcissistic assholes of the world. You know they need love too! Nineteen year old  Andrea never really comes out and says she has a relationship with Bono, but let’s take a look at the subtext… If you’ll notice Andrea signed off her Facebook comment with the emoticon -  which means “smiley face!” or “I’m happy!” or “I fucked Bono!”. So yeah, she’s probably just buds with him.