Fatback Media

I save these “girl with big tits in a bikini” posts for days when news is slow or for when I’m out of comish for day or two because of some embassy situation or an overabundance of dirty martinis. So here she is y’all. Audrina Patridge, the poor little rich girl wit the big tits. Of all the girls on the Hills I like her best, because she sold early and she sold out fast and went right to posing nude. She’s like the trailer trash of Laguna Hills, even though she’s probably never seen the inside of a double wide. Call me Audrina, mine’s got 50″ plasma and a whirlpool tub. I’ll bring the pork cracklins and beer.

This is Joanna Krupa, about the hottest thing to come out of Poland since buffalo grass vodka and solidarity. When she’s not talking in that sexy Polish accent she’s usually in a bikini or nude. Here she is with Cindy Taylor From E! showing how smart and self reliant girls can look when they wear high heels with a bikini. I’d also like to mention that I hate one-peice bathing suits but Joanna seems to pull it off better than your mother did back in the 80’s. What a tramp.

PS. Is that an airbrushed camel-toe in the banner pic? Discuss.

More Joanna Krupa Nude

Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference - as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah!

It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick.

[Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.]

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Adriana Lima - beautiful, perfect in every way - just got engaged to Serbian basketball player Marko Jaric -  giant slavic guard for the T-wolves.

“He asked and she said yes. They are both incredibly happy and couldn’t be more in love,” says publicist James Weir. Lima, who turned 27 on Thursday, and Jaric, 29, who plays for the Minnesota Timberwolves, have been dating for about nine months.The normally stoic Serb sports star has admitted he fell hard for the Victoria’s Secret beauty. ”I was not the person to fall in love easily. I am a difficult person from that standpoint,” he told PEOPLE in March. “Now, it’s a little different situation.” (PEOPLE)

Well obviously, I’ve been going about this in the wrong way. When asked for a comment about his new fiancee, Marco beamed with pride and said, “I shoot bowl, da?”. Here are some old Adriana Lima bikini pics. Meh.

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This is Ashley Dupre, the former call girl who brought Eliot Spitzer’s political career to halt. Well not really. She was just trying make ends meet. He’s the asshole who paid $4000.00 a night to sleep with prostitutes even though he was the governor of the most politically charged state in the USA. Note to politicians: The whole getting caught with prostitutes is a cliche for a reason. Anyway. Turns out Ashley isn’tt the only hottie in her family. The other chick in these pics is her mom. No shit.

The 23-year-old brunette and her youthful-looking mother turned heads as they relaxed on Sea Girt’s beach, tanning in their string bikinis.”That’s her!” one passing beachgoer whispered as Dupre paused at the beach badge stand to buy a $7 daily pass.Stretching out on two large white towels, the mother and daughter lounged in the sun.Wading knee-high in the surf, Dupre’s butterfly tattoo was clearly visible below her belly button with the Latin phrase tutela valui.”She was here [Saturday] and last weekend. She seems nice,” said a girl selling badges. (Daily News)

I guess her mom either had Ashley when she was 12, or she has fucking excellent genes. Kinda like me. Except my mom really was 12 when she had me and she met my dad at a religious cult that worships farm animals. The downside was never knowing which of my pets was gonna end up as a sacrifice. The upside? Well there really isn’t an upside, you asshole.