Beach

AMERICA. Fuck yeah!

Written by fatback on July 7, 2008 – 5:45 am -

Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference - as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah!

It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick.

[Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.]