The National Enquirer ran a story yesterday saying that Brangelina are planning a split. Just about every blog on the internet posted the story but warned to take it with a grain of salt because of the source. I didn’t do a story on it which is surprising because I hate Brangelina more than just about anyone and I would love to see them split.

Anyway, their reps, because Brangelina are too good to stoop to the level of the mass media and actually deny a split themselves, is saying that the two are happy and will not separate. All the rep could blather was the words “not true”. I understand that he was busy getting a latte for Angelina and didn’t have the time to state a full sentence to the media in fears of Angelina throwing a cell phone at him if the coffee was cold.

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More news oozing from the Jolie-Pitt camp today. Kind of like how it oozes everyday. But this time it graced the cover of OK! magazine. Apparently Brad Pitt is sick and tired of staying at home and watching the kids while his girlfriend goes out and makes films and does humanitarian work. It is hard to say girlfriend after all this time because you would think they would have gotten married by now. But no.

According to OK! Brad is putting his foot down and demanding that they get married or the relationship is off. Also he told Angelina that he wants to be married before he has anymore kids. I am sure once they tie the knot Brad will become complacent and then after some time goes by, drops out of her life like a stone in a pond. According to the source the couple are on such hard rocks that they don’t even have sex anymore. You mean they had sex? I didn’t know that. I just figured they were adopting babies left and right because Brad was impotent or in the closet. I learn something new everyday.

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Links that prefer friendship over lust

Madonna is charitable- IDLYITW

Cutepocalypse- yeeeah

Bai Ling has talent nipples- Celeb News Wire

Lauren Conrad wants to be like Jennifer Aniston- I Don’t Want Your Life

Playmates go golfing- Attu World

The next girl Katy Perry will kiss is Rihanna- Allie Is Wired

Britney Spears dresses appropriately- IDLYITW

Jessica Simpson works at a computer store… APRIL FOOLS! Seriously, give it time though- Geno’s World

Tori Spelling is skinnier- popbytes

Violet Affleck loves ice cream- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Halle Berry dances on Ellen- Drunken Stepfather

Russell Brand gets serious- Holy Moly

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miley Cyrus is growing up fast- notorious news

Angelina Jolie or the better half of Brangelina as most people know them spent about a half hour checking out a NYC apartment. Of course this isn’t just someapartment, it is in the upper Washington Heights rank. Leave to Brangelina to act so compassionate to the rest of the world and wanting to rebuild homes in New Orleans and save starving children in other countries and then turn around and get an apartment in a gated community where you can not even cross the toll bridge without $500,000 for the booth.

Some people would say I have a love/hate relationship with Brangelina. I am leaning towards the latter. Here are some pictures with her hauling her snot nosed, ankle biting, shit machines around NYC. I can’t even identify the kids anymore. Hell I can’t even tell which are hers and which ones she adopted. It looks to me that the one on the right is Shiloh? And the one on the left is Zahara? Or Zuma? Or Zwahili? I could care less. I hope they lose the apartment because there is a no children policy. The reason she is in NYC is because she is filming a new movie. It won’t be another Changeling. This will fail. Along with most of her other movies. My suggestion for a movie? Gia 2. This time with more bush.

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First she is pregnant. And then she isn’t. Both stories coming straight out of the pie hole of Us magazine. If they are gonna go with a story then go with the story. Don’t back track and tell people “sorry. We are retards.” The rumors started floating this time around because a waiter, apparently, asked Angelina if she wanted some wine and she, apparently, refused and said she was pregnant. But that was all a work of fiction according to Us now.

To add fuel to the fire rumors, sources were speculating that Angelina moved the production of her new movie Edwin A. Salt up because she didn’t want to show a baby bump in the flick. Is it me, or are people genuinely disgusted and bored with pregnancy rumors. Especially the ones surrounding Angelina Jolie. They already have six kids. Brad said this to Oprah Winfrey, ” It’s the greatest endeavor I’ve ever taken on. Why stop now?” Maybe because having kids isn’t an endeavor. It’s serious business. Anyway if Brad Pitt isn’t tired of having all the ankle biters around him 24/7, give him time.

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In the most recent issue of Harper’s Bazaar Angelina Jolie says that inside she is still a “punk kid with tattoos.” Newsflash Angie, you are a mother of six. That means you have six little children nibbling at your toes for food on a daily basis. She is basically saying that she is still young at heart to make up for all the wrinkles people are starting to see in pics of Angelina Jolie. She goes on to tell the magazine…

“Listen, my kids play video games. I let them play with toy soldiers. we don’t take war and violence lightly, but we don’t hide it from anybody,” she says. “We say,’ Mommy and Daddy have movies where we play these characters, but there’s real death and violence in the world.” Wow, way to cheer a kid up Ang. If Angelina Jolie were my mother I would disown her. First get done with the breastfeeding stage and then disown her.

She just takes shit too seriously. She is a bleeding heart basically. When you have over $400 million in your joint bank account then it makes sense to call in one of those needy children infomercials and donate a few bucks. But when you drag your kids to 3rd world countries and usually coming back with more kids than you left with, you may have a problem.

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BBQ links

Vote for Heidi’s fakest feature- IBBB

Suri hates Halloween- Allie Is Wired

Kate Winslet got sexier- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Jessica Biel regrets getting naked. I don’t- IDLYITW

Jessica Alba sucks at Halloween- notorious news

Avril Lavigne is a terrible spokes model- Drunken Stepfather

Adriana Lima’s breasts- City Rag

Behind the scenes for that Kate Winslet photo shoot- Geno’s World

Oh yea and go out and vote- popbytes

Saint Angelina has bitten off more than she could chew. With six kids, 3 biological and 3 adopted, she said it may be time to give her career the shank. She tells Italian Vanity Fair,”The kids are my priority, so its possible that from now on I will make fewer movies. I may even stop altogether.” She goes on to say that she doesn’t have the same abition she had in her 20’s. Maybe that’s because she has more money than God. That could have something to do with it.

For the life of me I do not know what makes this woman tick. I warned people since last year that if Angelina comes to your little country and you are a little kid, you should stay as far away as possible. Eating uncooked rice off the ground and wrapping ripped up t-shirts around your feet for makeshift shoes may seem bad now but Angelina will kidnap you and bring you into a life of superficial material possesions and cavallier ignorance for the poor. And if you do get adopted don’t think you will be able to suck on her ta-tas. Those are for her American kids. Her biological kids. Her REAL kids. Doesn’t sound good anymore does it?

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A videotape of Angelina doing mounds of drugs back in the 90’s is reportedly being shopped around to the highest bidder.

A source tells the National Enquirer the tape shows Jolie, before she was famous, taking drugs with friends.

The actress has admitted using hard drugs in the past. She once said, “I’ve done coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD everything. I hate heroin because I’ve been fascinated with it. I’m not immune, but I won’t do it now, at all.” However, video proof could damage her career and reputation as a charity campaigner.

“The key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, ‘Wow, this is really good smack – not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.’ Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube.” (Starpulse)

To be fair, drugs are actually pretty cool. I mean, all the cool kids do them, they make you feel good and sometimes they even get you laid. So all in all, I’d say that Sgt. McGruff is just a dick. What the fuck does he know? He’s a dog for God’s sake. In a trench coat.