Now that Paula Abdul is out of the picture for the hit Fox showAmerican Idol, the show is looking for a judge that can be fun and entertaining. Or at least a temporary guest judge. Just like Simon is in no position to judge American talent because he is a Brit and Paula was the only true talent on the show who was in a position to judge  talent, Fox did the next best thing and got the most British person on the face of the earth to guest judge the show. Victoria Beckham.

I have got nothing against Victoria and the days of calling her a robot is sooo yesteryear. I would totally do her. But I am shallow like that. So in between tea breaks and crumpets with Simon she will attempt to tell people they are or are not full of talent and deserve to sell millions of records and perform in some of the biggest arenas in the world. If I were in the UK, I would call bollocks. Right guv’na?

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Now it is official. Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol. And in some small way, she will be missed. Her standing up and dancing to songs no matter how terrible they sounded will forever be burned into my memory. At the end of the day it comes down to dollars and cents. She was asking for $20 million a year for her to stay on the show and the Idol producers were only offering a 30% raise. Apparently this chick only made $2 million a year all the way back from the beginning.

I also know that Paula has had some alcohol problems in the past and I loved tuning in to see if she had some booze in her system both during the audition phase and during the actual contest stage. Simon Cowell inked a deal worth $145 million a year and Ryan Seacrest inked a $40 million 3 year deal with the show. I personally think that the Idol producers were thinking about giving her the boot when they hired Kara DioGuardi but Paula and her reps are insisting that she made the choice to leave all on her own.

Paula took things to her Twitter account saying, ” With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to Idol. I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day one become an international phenomenon.” I wouldn’t go all the way to say that she helped the show in any way but I guess that is a delusion of grandeur. So long Paula! Have a drink on me! See you… never anywhere again.

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Former American Idolcast-off Allison Iraheta, who has an amazing voice and an even better stage presence is getting a record deal with 19 recordings. She isn’t the only Idol from this recent season to ink a deal with the company. Kris Allen, the winner and runner-up Adam Lambert will also be signed by 19.

I think Kris Allen’s voice is exceptional and I do enjoy listening to Adam Lambert but I say this chick should have won it all. She sounds like a mini Janis Joplin, only with more range. she said, ” I think I’m still in shock that this is happening- getting to record my first album and this whole awesome experience is a dream come true.” I am happy for this kid. I doubt her career will extend past a few hundred thousand downloads from iTunes, but that is a dream come true to some people. Welcome to the d-list, you are not alone.

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Links that have gone platinum

Jessica alba is a vandal- IDLYITW

Tori Spelling likes her poop- Geno’s World

Shia LaBeouf is playing pocket pool- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Gotta motor- Celeb News Wire

The 10 best bikini scenes of all time- Attu World

The cheeky girls launch a make-up line- Holy Moly

Katy Perry is fashionable- IDLYITW

Britney Spears is dating her agent- notorious news

Blossom is still ugly- I Don’t Want Your Life

Madonna is adopting again- Amy Grindhouse

Kara DioGuardi doesn’t exactly fit in with all of the other American Idol judges. She is kind of the dark horse. Of course being a dark horse would mean she is a really good AI judge and that for now she is just misunderstood and will eventually prove herself. I don’t believe this.

In an interview on ABC’s The Viewone of those cunts asked her if she thought that Adam Lambert was gay. She said, ” I don’t think that Adam [Lambert] was ever in [the closet].” But this dipshit had to know that people have been speculating about his sexuality for weeks and he hasn’t publicly said he is gay yet. This is just another train wreck judge stepping on her own tongue. Before Paula was a drunken mess who couldn’t keep her trap shut but since AI has deemed her a drunken invalid that is too fucked up to function, they hired Kara to make all the press.

I personally would wish that Adam would just own up and say “yea I’m gay.” One report speculated that if Adam won it would be because he is gay and that if he lost it would be because he is gay. I think people voted genuinely last week and voted for who they thought was the better singer. Or musician as a whole. And I agree, Kris Allen has more talent. This story isn’t about Adam Lambert being gay or straight. It is about how Kara is a moron and can’t shut her mouth when it is more important. Congratulations Kara. I will probably not be seeing you next year. Kara= FAIL.

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Clay Aiken is a loser. I understand a lot of people think he is an amzing singer, and are just gaga over him, but I don’t think he is all that great. He is openly gay and that takes a lot of courage to be in the media spotlight and I respect him for that. But that doesn’t change my opinion that he is a whining little bitch. He proves just how whiney and how bitchy he can be on his personal blog on his official websites that you have to pay to join.

He says on Adam Lambert and the American Idol season finale, ” This year, I happened to turn it [on] during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing “Ring Of Fire” and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful and slightly frightening!” OK, no top 2 American Idol winners sing that bad. Clay is just pissed because Adam Lambert is totally gonna steal the gay AI spotlight away from him and Clay Gaiken will continue to have a shallow and pathetic life.

If it makes him feel any better, I am sure if he gets exhausted from all the media hype surrounding AI and all the gay controversy that has been following AI through the years, he can always go home to mama where she will take his rectal temperature and make him some warm milk and cookies. Oh that Clay Aiken’s mother. So warm. So soft. So caring.

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Links that built their own independent music career

Fergie is a natural methhead beauty- IDLYITW

Hayden Panettiere is STILL in a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Blake Lively got breast implants- yeeeah

The American Idol finale was as big as expected- Amy Grindhouse

Someone call Jessica Alba bean breath- I Don’t Want Your Life

Vern Troyer is still getting pussy- Holy Moly

Kelly Clarkson: “I don’t believe in dieting” – IDLYITW

Paris Hilton sluts it up like she hasn’t done in years- notorious news

Jean-Claude Van Damm has a huge package- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miranda Kerr is officially off the market- Allie Is Wired

New clip from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- Geno’s World

Kate Hudson should really not dye her hair- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Fire in a bottle- mashup- popbytes

Bikini girl, a.k.a. Katrina Darrell returned to American Idol last night and showed off her killer breast implants. Maybe I am an old fashioned kind of guy but I think she looked amazing without breast implants, but bigger is always better. She won some sort of award for being annoying or some shit. Also during her first meeting with the judges she told Kara DioGuardi that her version of the song she was singing wasn’t any better than the version she had just sang.

Kara’s old skanky ass didn’t like this and took revennge on bikini girl by interrupting Katrina’s performance and singing the song over bikini girl. And then the grossest thing in American Idolhistory occurred. Kara ripped open her dress to reveal she was wearing a bikini underneath. She had  a wrinkled belly like Tara Reid and of course she has pretty boring breasts. It was like seeing Ellen DeGeneres in a bikini. It is just not a thing men want to see. I puked a little bit, but regained my composure in time to see Kris Allen win it all.

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This is no surprise. Every year American Idol pulls out all the stops for the two part season finale and brings in former American Idol winners to sing the farewell ballad of the season. It has been that way since forever except for last year when they had a runner-up instead of the winner, Chris Daughtry, who sucks, sing a song called “Home”.

The song Carrie will sing is Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home”. I am not a fan of Underwood, but I am looking forward to her singing the line ” I had to run away high, so I wouldn’t come home low”. I like this cause Carrie doesn’t get high and I find it funny for goody goody’s to sing about drugs and getting high. Maybe she will actually “perform” this year and move around on the stage and actually do some choreography.

Yea, I know, she won’t. But I can hope for a skanky outfit can’t I? Yea, I know, she won’t. In fact the only reason I will tune into American Idol at all this year is to see one person’s dreams get crushed and see another wanna-be celeb try to make it in the music world. I am sure after Adam Lambert wins this season he will finally come out of the closet and parents worldwide will ban their kids from listening to his music. I won’t be listening either, not cause he is gay, I like gay people, it is because he sucks and he doesn’t have the balls to say “yea, I’m a homo”.

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Links that have already won

Parade of whores- IDLYITW

Hayden Panettiere and her cute little butt- Drunken Stepfather

Megan Fox is bi, then she’s straight, then she’s bi, then she’s straight- Amy Grindhouse

Are more kids on the way for TomKat?- Allie Is Wired

Jessica Biel is one tough bitch- I Don’t Want Your Life

Jennifer Hudson needs to lose some weight- yeeeah

John Mayer is smooth- IDLYITW

Angelina Jolie likes In Touch Weekly magazine- Celeb News Wire

Check out Jennifer Lopez in The Back-Up Plan - Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Kerry Katona is drug free- Holy Moly

Behind the scenes of Katy Perry’s kickass new music video “Waking up in Vegas”- Geno’s World

Tori Amos’ Sinful Attraction tour- popbytes

Brooke Sheilds has curves. And wrinkles. Yea mostly wrinkles- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

TomKat will have in vitro- notorious news

The American Idol finale was last night and like you, I was glued to my set. OMG can you believe David won? Hahahaha. Not really, dumbass. See you thought we were going to be friends just now. And we could IM about what Syesha wore last week and which David was going to win and we’d giggle and LOL. And you’d tell me about that time in middle school when you did something inappropriate with your My Little Pony because you had strange feelings. And then afterward, it was awkward and it just felt weird to have My Little Pony hanging out with the rest of your dolls, because you know, now she was damaged goods and Malibu Barbie called her a whore and you know what bitch she can be.

David Cook wins! Hurray for America!

Idol Finalist and Fatback Media country fried fave, Kristy Lee Cook had herself a diva moment in her hometown of Grants Pass, OR this week when she called a local salon to get a mani-pedi. Except not.

Kristy asked to be ushered in through the back door to avoid the crowds of adoring fans. Only problem, there weren’t any!  No one at the salon had even heard of her. Needless to say, Cook walked in unharmed by the swarm of no one and got her nails and feet did. It’s hard being famous y’all! (TMZ)

Here, here. Maybe if she was little more racy, she would have been remembered. Take Katharine McPhee. Can we name 1 song she sang on American Idol? No. We remember tits & ass and yellow dresses. You have to push the envelope, baby. Actually, take the envelope run it through the shredder. Nude. Then you’ll be on the right track. Maybe she could have been the foul mouthed country girl who could change a truck tire and always had a dirty joke handy. Like these:

1. What do you get when you accidentally run over a 4 year old? An erection.
2. Wow, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth except my father’s dick.

Comedy. Gold. I have to give credit where filthy credit is due. The first joke is by my man Quist-gon-jin, and the second is from a collection by JGA. Remember Kristy, nobody remembers the stuck up country princess, but they do remember the country whore.

Kristy Lee Cook, the great white hope for worshipers of Jesus, NASCAR and Lee Greenwood, was sadly eliminated from American Idol on Wednesday. However, she just announced that she’s engaged to be married.

A day after her American Idol ousting, Kristy Lee Cook announced she is getting hitched. Cook, 24, said her 25-year-old beau, Andrew Dobner, first popped the question on March 17. They kept the news “on the down-low” because “I just wanted to be focused on Idol” (Us)

Kristy Lee Cook reminds me of Kristy Swanson (back in the day) a little bit. I’m gonna miss her. Not only from American Idol, but from being a hot little country chick with Jesus on her side. Everybody knows that it’s the dream of all smokin’ hot country girls to get married early, cut her hair short, and get fat so she can quit her job and drive the kids to school in a minivan filled with french fries and M&M’s. Sometimes I take out my high school yearbook and just weep at what the world has lost. Momento Mori, Kristy.