Did I miss the Emmys?
Aug 30th
I said, God Damn.
Aw shit the Emmys were last night? Damn, and I was so busy just living my life and not giving a shit. If you’re looking for Emmy coverage like ‘who was the breakout comedy winner’, and ‘who got robbed of the best actor award’, then you should look elsewhere. If you like to look at basketball sized boobies and rub your pants against the arm of the couch, then this is the place for you. Oh. Em. Gee. Christina Hendricks. I would dive in there and just swim for days. When’s this girl gonna pick up a drug habit and start doing nudity?
Rustle Up Some Link Tucker
Aug 27th
Bloom my onion, will yer? Here are the links, mate! G’Day.
- Todd at IDLYITW has evidently perfected that necronomicon charm spell he’s been working on because Sophie Turner, aka OMG!TITS!AND!ASS!, has responded to his interview questions. IDLYITW
- Miley Cyrus gets spanked by a MILF. Or her mom. Whatever. Allie
- Kristen Stewart wants acting creds so she’s going to show her tits. I smell Oscar. Celebitchy
- Octomom is homeless. Maybe she can build a house out of baby bones. Notorius
- Bristol Palin is a teen whore. Or something. I don’t do research. CDL
- Jessica Alba’s ass is like angel tears in a champagne glass. (SeriouslyOMGWTF)
- Lindsay Lohan got out jail and got a new car. Cee Lo and I say, “FUCK YOU” Celebrity Smack.
Heidi Montag Sex Tape Imminent?
Aug 25th
I think they lost something behind the couch.
I love a good sex tape as much as the next guy – especially when your mom is in it – the camera loves her. Rumors have swirled (like poo in porcelain) for months about a possible Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sex tape – underwhelming the shit out of everyone who blatantly continued living their lives. *Uses Dateline’s Keith Morrison voice* But now…all that is changed. It seems Heidi. Had sex. With…another girl. Ooooooh. Ooooh.
Shock the monkey TMZ:
We’re told Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch when he arrives in Costa Rica to make an offer on the footage … some of which is said to contain girl-on-girl action with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.
We’re told Heidi wants Hirsch to provide her with the sales numbers on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape — which was also released through Vivid — because Heidi may be interested in working out a “back-end deal” if Steve can’t offer enough cash up front to satisfy Montag.
In case you’re wondering why I have that banner pic of the two girls (and twins!); at least one of those girls is Karissa Shannon. I can’t tell them apart. I’m not sure if they can. I do know this: judging by pic number 3, either Hef is a tiny pixie man or those are some big bitches. Watch out Spencer, the pretty one might think you’re an albino chimp and spear you for her village. In case this is your first day out of Mexican prison and you’ve yet to feel the hurricane of Heidi Montag media rain down upon your face like a fetid golden shower in a Thai massage parlor, you can always go here and see more Heidi Montag relatively nude pics.
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- Honestly, I can’t tell them apart
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- I think they lost something behind the couch.
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- Damn they some big bitches
ZOMG, Y’all! Miley Cyrus to star in ‘LOL’
Aug 24th
"Hey Miley, there's your vajayjay"
Miley Cyrus is set star in “LOL” along with Demi Moore who plays her exasperated grandmother mom. Ah, I just love a coming of age tale of mothers and daughters trying to connect amidst all the distractions of social networking, Blackburries, blue toofs and naked web cams. Please be focused on the communication gap between a mother and a daughter due to increasing social media use which is only exacerbated once the mom reads the daughter’s racy diary! What’s the good Pop, Eater:
The film focuses on communication gap between Lola and her mother, due to the increasing use of YouTube, iTunes and Facebook. Lola’s mom, Anne, “accidentally” reads her teenage daughter’s racy journal and dicovers Lola’s wild ways.
ZOMG! That was totally tltr! Apparently, Miley not only ttly’s her mom all the time, she smokes pot, gets laid, talks about sex, gets drunk, kisses a girl and gets a bikini wax [just like your mom last night] Â to the chagrin of her distraught mother, Demi Moore. I really hope this doesn’t ruin Miley’s wholesome image. What will the kids at the MTV music Awards think? [They'll think she missed a spot with the Brazilian wax in that pic. Caipirinha!]
