NSFW - Fatback Media

Wait. Am I still alseep? Because normally when I see Kate Beckinsale and another hot girl stumbling drunk, wearing schoolgirl uniforms and holding hands that’s when I fly in on my unicorn and give them each a kitten right before they make out. I don’t see a unicorn so I must be awake. Oh wait, there’s Len Weisman wearing some sort of school uniform too. I guess this is for a costume party. Like Tarts and Vicars , where the girls dress up like whores and the guys dress up like priests. Or Pimps and Hoes, where the girls dress up like whores and the guys dress up like pimps. Or Golf pros and tennis hoes, where the guys dress up like golfers and the girls dress up like whores. Wonder why the girls always dress up like whores? Hm. Coincidence? I think not!

Kate Beckinsale, who has one of the hottest bodies on the planet, is being railed for recent remarks she made likening girls with anorexia to crack whores. The British website Daily Mail had this:

Miss Beckinsale, whose weight once plummeted to five stones, said: “I believe anorexia, alcoholism and drug abuse in teens are more about what is happening in the home than a problem with images in the media.

“It is the nice girl’s way of becoming a crack whore.” (source)

You gotta love the British. The metric system has been their system of measurement for 200 years and they still weigh people with rocks. Cheerio! I have no idea what five stones is, but it sounds pretty fat. Fatty.

And now for you anorexic crack whores, here are some of the most boring pictures ever taken of Kate Beckinsale (on the set of Winged Creatures). Shame on you Hollywood. How is Kate supposed to drive hopeless girls to anorexia when you cover up her banging body like this? Tsk.

Spring is 14 days away and I’m already breaking out the flip-flops and sun tan oil. If there’s anything that Kate Beckinsale has taught me, it’s that Diet Coke and cigarettes are the best way to sexy a beach bod. I can’t wait for all the spring beach parties to start. I’m putting together my A-list right now.

Will you make the cut? Let’s not get cocky, sweetie. There’s plenty to go around but my parties are fucking prestigious and classy. And they never occur until the actual vernal equinox like the druids and the biker chicks like. So be patient. Til then, I’ll be waiting in my house all oiled up and be-flipflopped wearing my airbrushed muscle t-shirt that says “Myrtle Beach ROX!”. Because? It does.

• Kirsten Dundst is hot like fire. Wait I mean. BURN THE WITCH! (Bastardly)
• John Krasinksi is filming in my home town. He’s dreamy. (GMMR)
• Super Rocker and not poseur at all , Jared Leto has his ass kicked soundly by adoring fans. (Yeeeah)
• Shauna Sands and a see-thru top. No clue.(DS)
• Zodiac was good, if you’re anal. I am. Wait, I mean into anal. Get it? Because Jake Gyllenhaal is gay. Right? (Pajiba)
• Vera, the hottest married chick I know is feeling bad this week. Cheer her up by clicking her adsense! (INO)
• Sharon Stone may be a a batshit crazy cougar, but I like a little fight in my kitty. (ICYDK)
• Tori Spelling opens a B&B. I like B&E at my B&B. (Smart)
• Kate Beckinsale without makeup is still hotter than you. I checked. (Allie is Wired)
• What’s better than college girls? Why collge girl boobies, bein sur. (CH)

Even though I first reported that Charisma Carpenter would be playing Wonder Woman, apparently there are some other actresses in running. It seems Kate Beckinsale is on the short list for the role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming Joss Whedon film.

Contact music is reporting that insiders claim Whedon is “very happy” with Beckinsale and have confirmed that production on his highly anticipated movie adaptation of the popular comic book series will begin filming in early September.(source)

Kate Beckinsale is incredibly hot, but I can’t see her as Wonder Woman. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s British and petite and Wonder Woman is supposed to be an Amazon Warrior. That said, I can see her being involved in some crazy sexual hi-jinks that involve some wire work, gymnastics and being locked in a cage with me for 63 hours.

Joss Whedon may be the smartest man on the earth. Directorial expertise notwithstanding, how else can you explain the fact that the hottest women on earth are vying to be in his films? Well, I’ll tell you. He sold his soul to the devil. Except, in exchange for good looks and huge fame, he traded his soul for cult status as an underrated director writer and creator. I would have sold my soul to the devil but he was already pissed at me for that golden fiddle incident. Oh and I banged his wife, too. Stupid devil.

UPDATE: So apparently this was an April Fool’s joke that joblo.com put on his website and IMDB picked it up as a new story, then they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on, and so on.. April Fools is for bitches. I stand by my post because my sources were the usual half-researched, mostly made up crap of lies that I usually use here. Plus, I did bang the devils wife. Hot Stuff! Thanks to all the smartypants assholes loyal readers who pointed that out. You complete me.