This is Jennifer Garner at the premier of The Kingdom a new action film in which she plays an FBI agent. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to because nothing would make me happier than to see Jennifer Garner holding an MP5 submachine gun and screaming for cover fire. I miss Alias.

Links for you while I fire up my Alias Season 2 DVDs.

• Soxy Lady has the video of the dude that stole Cano’s hat at the Sox Yankees game the other night. Ow. (SoxyLady)
• Afro Jacks listed the phone numer to Mystery from VH1 and Jezebel interviewed him via sexy phone call. (Jezebel)
• Hot Haley from Clemson (Klemp-Son) U. in my home state is the cute college girl of the week. (CH)
• Vanessa Hudgens is a nude teenager who can’t figure out what Tyra Banks is saying. (yeeeah)
• Jaime Pressly looking MILFy after the baby… (Bastardly)
• Jennifer Ellison lives in a bikini (Jordan)
• Paris Hilton. Fuck it. I don’t have the energy. Just click.(Allie)
• 24 is actually going to happen some in this decade! (Seriously OMG)
• Cloe Sevigny is a beautiful angel. (City Rag)
• Heidi Montag and her huge rack do something musical. (IBBB)
• Britney allegedly hired and alleged hitman to allegedly kill KFED. Allegedly. (GoT)
• Ryan Seacrest failed as a host of the Emmys. YOU FAILED. (New Chatter)

Look at me. I said ‘preggo‘. Just like those famous British tabloids who say stuff like Jacko, and Madge, and Fish -n- chips and spell words with extra o’s like favourite colour. Anyway. Although she had a baby almost a year ago and is in visibly amazing shape, Jennifer Garner is responding to rumors that she’s pregnant.

“I’m in the worst shape ever,” the size 6-8 (”definitely more an 8″) actress, 34, tells Elle magazine in its January issue. “My trainer just shakes her head and says, ‘This is a disaster.’ ”

Though she kicked butt as the star of Alias and Elektra, these days, she says, “I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life. It’s such a horror in front of the mirror with no clothes on.”

Lifting her sweater to reveal her midriff, she says, “You still have that little bit of extra skin, know what I mean? But still, it’s enough for people to think that you’re knocked up.” (source)

Jesus Christ, who is her trainer? A member of the Justice League? “Yeah, size 8, 120 lbs is okay… I guess…but can you fly? Loser.” Where I come from a 5′9″ southern hottie, with a body like hers who can roundhouse kick you through a wall is considered pretty fit. But then again, I grew up in a household where fried chicken was a condiment. Fatty.

Smokin’ hot new mommy and Alias alum Jennifer Garner is back in superspy shape which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). How did she get so hot so fast after having her cute-as-a-button little peanut of a baby? Why breast feeding, of course. She’s one sexy MI…wait for it…LF. Legendary.

She credits nursing, moderate exercise, and eating correctly for allowing her to lose the weight. Jennifer said, “[I lost weight] breastfeeding! That and a moderate exercise and eating plan with the help of my personal trainer.” (source)

So I guess 50 cigarettes a day, coke and all night boozing are not the way to get your figure back after having a baby. Hrm. What’s amazing about Jennifer Garner is that she just had a baby and still looks like she could kick a hole in your skull from four feet away. She’s also conspicuously not at any LA or NYC hotspots drinking till all hours and flashing the world with a razor burned scarred coochie. Which also qualifies her for FBCMILF of the century.

Holy shit. What a way to start the day. I had know idea who the fuck Rachel Zoe was when she scared the shit out of me in this photo. Bitch. Apparently, she’s the hot stylist to stars like Portia de Rossi and Jennifer Garner. Alias is a ’show’ about a spy. This chick’s been rode hard and put away wet. Stylist? Yeah, if your style is ‘broken down gas station car wash with dead a cat caught in the gears’. But I don’t suppose everyone can be as youthful, healthy and vivacious as I. I’m pretty sure she won’t win the Suck-Bang-Blow Bike Rally wet t-shirt contest 2 years in row. Just sayin’. Eat your heart out, Rachel! Mmmwah!
-Emily

Summer is flyin’ by, don’t miss anything while you’re changing into your speedos.

-JJ Abrams just signed eleventy bazillion dollar deals with Paramount Pictures and Warner Bros. TV. The only thing that better come out of his office better have Sydney Bristow or Captain James T. Fucking Kirk. (ICYDK)

-The Bastardly lady of the day is Andrea. She’s Czech. 100% woman with curves that could start a war. She’s way to much for you to handle so she’s mine. I’ll probably die. (The Bastardly)

-Christina Aguilera didn’t wear a bra and went out in public. I applaud her for her individuality, self-determination, moxy and large perky boobies. (Yeeeah)

-The cast of The Office just reported back to work in order to make your fall season less suicidal. GMMR has the inside scoop and some pics of the cast that don’t involve bikinis. That’s for you ladies! (GMMR)

-Mischa Barton and her strikingly wierd nipple-slip. (the nipple not the slip) (Bricks and Stones)

-The Miss Universe contestants are trying to make the best of the current world situation. Miss Israel and Miss Lebanon are great friends and so are Miss Turkey and Miss Greece. Unfortunately, Miss Australia called Miss New Zealand a “bloody kiwi whore” and they got into a fist fight and were disqualified. Not really. Peace rulez! (TMZ.com)

-Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married and Kid Rock is getting hepatitis. (Tabloid Whore)

(ed. note: You G’ville SC mullafuckas better get ready ’cause I’ll be there Wed. night)