Jennifer Ellison is famous because she has big tits and she’s British. That’s all it really takes in the UK. And that’s all it takes to melt my cold, cold heart. These are from Jennifer’s new calendar, I only gave you half a year because well, some months are just better than others.

Things are slow around here and by slow I mean our page loads are slow because of server issues. Sit tight while I piss on the spark plugs and add some 30 weight gear oil. That outta do it. Till then. Hey guess what? Jordin Sparks won American Idol. Wow. Never saw that coming. Nepotism rules. Anyway I didn’t watch. Well, I watched Blake and Doug E Fresh and that was wiggity-wiggity-AWESOME. Then I proceeded to watch LOST and become very, very confused. Flash forward? Who’s in the coffin? Why only Kate? Is Naomi evil? Charlie RIP? February is the next epsiode? WTFF? Anyway. Links.

• Katherine Heigl is engaged to a freaky looking singer. Snore. (Bastardly)
• Cheryl Crowe adopts a baby. Huh? (Pipi)
• Sharon Stone in a bikini. It’s like wanting to bang you’re grandma. Gross but you’d still do it for the cookies. (Glunp)
• Jordin Sparks is a giant who will eat Blake. (Yeeeah)
• Samaire Armstrong may be pregnant. By Jesus M. (DS)
• Veronica Mars got canceled. *sigh* Thanks CW, she was finally old enough for some frontal. (Pajiba)
• Paris gets jailhouse religion. Whore. (GoT)
• Britney Spears in her underwear. Hurray AdSense! (Jordan)
• Happy birthday Linday Lohan! You’re 21 and officially all washed up. Hollywood is a bitch. (DH)

More Jennifer Ellison for no reason. Except that reason.