Kellie Pickler was the very image of the sexy southern woman at this year’s CMA awards. She’s got a fake tan, fake tits, fake eyelashes and a false sense of security. a string of pearls and cheatin’ heart and I just might fall in love with her. That said, she’s pretty hot and rack is amazing but she still has busted up teeth. Which means she’d probably let you hit it after a few beers if the lift kit on your truck was high enough. Ever notice how when a chick gets her teeth done everything changes? I never realized there was so much empowerment in those little white veneers. Chicks get all uppity and want to “not do anal” and “go to fancy restaurants” and “give the the cosmetic dentist blowjobs” on my couch while I’m out working my ass of to pay those god damn teeth. Britney Spears has perfect teeth. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

Links, sugar.

• How to drive like an asshole. Or “How to be from Massachusetts” (Crave)
• Revenge is sweet. And cold. (College Humor)
• Britney got the clap…in her eye. Whore. (Yeeeah)
• Britney Spears is fucking lady, bitches. (Allie)
• Kat Von D’s vagina. Whoever the fuck that is. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Eva Mendes will be mine bitches. (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton. Stupid Rich Whore Philanthropist. (IBBB)
• Laura Weston is smoking hot, mate. (FHM)
• J-LO-Hew gots some big ass tit-tays. (Notorious)

More NSFW Action, baby!

• Kellie Pickler’s Prom Dress?