NSFW - Fatback Media

This is Jennifer Garner at the premier of The Kingdom a new action film in which she plays an FBI agent. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to because nothing would make me happier than to see Jennifer Garner holding an MP5 submachine gun and screaming for cover fire. I miss Alias.

Links for you while I fire up my Alias Season 2 DVDs.

• Soxy Lady has the video of the dude that stole Cano’s hat at the Sox Yankees game the other night. Ow. (SoxyLady)
• Afro Jacks listed the phone numer to Mystery from VH1 and Jezebel interviewed him via sexy phone call. (Jezebel)
• Hot Haley from Clemson (Klemp-Son) U. in my home state is the cute college girl of the week. (CH)
• Vanessa Hudgens is a nude teenager who can’t figure out what Tyra Banks is saying. (yeeeah)
• Jaime Pressly looking MILFy after the baby… (Bastardly)
• Jennifer Ellison lives in a bikini (Jordan)
• Paris Hilton. Fuck it. I don’t have the energy. Just click.(Allie)
• 24 is actually going to happen some in this decade! (Seriously OMG)
• Cloe Sevigny is a beautiful angel. (City Rag)
• Heidi Montag and her huge rack do something musical. (IBBB)
• Britney allegedly hired and alleged hitman to allegedly kill KFED. Allegedly. (GoT)
• Ryan Seacrest failed as a host of the Emmys. YOU FAILED. (New Chatter)

Smokin’ hot new mommy and Alias alum Jennifer Garner is back in superspy shape which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). How did she get so hot so fast after having her cute-as-a-button little peanut of a baby? Why breast feeding, of course. She’s one sexy MI…wait for it…LF. Legendary.

She credits nursing, moderate exercise, and eating correctly for allowing her to lose the weight. Jennifer said, “[I lost weight] breastfeeding! That and a moderate exercise and eating plan with the help of my personal trainer.” (source)

So I guess 50 cigarettes a day, coke and all night boozing are not the way to get your figure back after having a baby. Hrm. What’s amazing about Jennifer Garner is that she just had a baby and still looks like she could kick a hole in your skull from four feet away. She’s also conspicuously not at any LA or NYC hotspots drinking till all hours and flashing the world with a razor burned scarred coochie. Which also qualifies her for FBCMILF of the century.

Holy shit. What a way to start the day. I had know idea who the fuck Rachel Zoe was when she scared the shit out of me in this photo. Bitch. Apparently, she’s the hot stylist to stars like Portia de Rossi and Jennifer Garner. Alias is a ’show’ about a spy. This chick’s been rode hard and put away wet. Stylist? Yeah, if your style is ‘broken down gas station car wash with dead a cat caught in the gears’. But I don’t suppose everyone can be as youthful, healthy and vivacious as I. I’m pretty sure she won’t win the Suck-Bang-Blow Bike Rally wet t-shirt contest 2 years in row. Just sayin’. Eat your heart out, Rachel! Mmmwah!
-Emily

Summer is flyin’ by, don’t miss anything while you’re changing into your speedos.

-JJ Abrams just signed eleventy bazillion dollar deals with Paramount Pictures and Warner Bros. TV. The only thing that better come out of his office better have Sydney Bristow or Captain James T. Fucking Kirk. (ICYDK)

-The Bastardly lady of the day is Andrea. She’s Czech. 100% woman with curves that could start a war. She’s way to much for you to handle so she’s mine. I’ll probably die. (The Bastardly)

-Christina Aguilera didn’t wear a bra and went out in public. I applaud her for her individuality, self-determination, moxy and large perky boobies. (Yeeeah)

-The cast of The Office just reported back to work in order to make your fall season less suicidal. GMMR has the inside scoop and some pics of the cast that don’t involve bikinis. That’s for you ladies! (GMMR)

-Mischa Barton and her strikingly wierd nipple-slip. (the nipple not the slip) (Bricks and Stones)

-The Miss Universe contestants are trying to make the best of the current world situation. Miss Israel and Miss Lebanon are great friends and so are Miss Turkey and Miss Greece. Unfortunately, Miss Australia called Miss New Zealand a “bloody kiwi whore” and they got into a fist fight and were disqualified. Not really. Peace rulez! (TMZ.com)

-Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married and Kid Rock is getting hepatitis. (Tabloid Whore)

(ed. note: You G’ville SC mullafuckas better get ready ’cause I’ll be there Wed. night)

Tonight ABC’s Alias returns after a long hiatus due to star Jennifer Garner’s pregnancy. The 2 hour opener begins the final 4 episodes that are reported to end the series for good. ABC reports that several familiar faces will be back including the not-so-dead Michael Vaughn (Michael Vartan), Will Tippin (Bradley Cooper) and Anna Espinoza (Gina Torres). Also, it is reported that a male APO agent will be killed in a heroic way.

I have to admit that I really like Alias. It’s great show with good writing and acting that also has scantily clad hottie spy chicks kick-boxing each other on a regular basis. And hot chicks kickboxing is sexy. I keep telling my hot Eastern European chick spy friends that instead of always trying to poison my drink, or garrote me in the shower, or shoot me with a silenced Tokarev, that we should just have wild kickboxing sex threesomes (the good kind) in the interest of international relations. In a world of intrigue and danger where nothing is what it seems, no one can be trusted and your body is the only thing you can share…or trust…what else do we have?

In a follow up story to this one, it seems that some parents actually have time to take their kids to the doctor when they are injured. Recently, Violet Ann, the new daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, was rushed to the hospital when her parents noticed that she was having trouble breathing.

In Touch Weekly is reporting that on April 8 the 4-month-old adorable little girl had to be rushed to a medical building in Century City, Calif.

It seems Violet was having difficulty breathing, says an insider, who adds that the baby was also tested for asthma.

The weekly tabloid cites an eyewitness that said, “Ben and Jen looked so worried. As Ben carried Violet, Jen kept peering into the blanket to check on her.” …

They got their little girl in for care and about an hour later, a much calmer family emerged, and they headed straight home with Violet.(source)(image)

I don’t have any kids, but I’m reasonably sure that if they were having trouble breathing or say, had a cracked skull, I would probably take them to the hospital right away. Especially if the hospital was near the all-nude strip club like it is my neighborhood. Two birds. One stone.

I’m pretty psyched that Alias is finally coming back next week after the long hiatus because my quotient of spy hotties has been low lately. Unless you count my Swedish ice skater girlfriend. But she technically doesn’t count because she really didn’t have to defect from Sweden like I made her do. I just told her that so I could bang her and make her cook for me. Jennifer Garner is super-sexy spy heat- even after the baby. Matter of fact, I think she may be a little hotter now that she has little more up front. And I’m an ass man. Well, ass and boobies. Ooh, and teeth. They gotta have ‘em all. I’m sophisticated like that. And now. Spy hotness.