It’s hard not to sound racist when saying that but Zhang Ziyi really is Asian, you know. No, seriously. I used to date an Asian chick and I know what you’re thinking: It was all samurai swords and dim sum and crazy sex that involved incense, tea leaves and wooden objects. Well, David Duke, it turns out that Vun couldn’t cook at all. So put that in your wok and steam it. Jeez.