NSFW – Fatback Media

A completely bat shit crazy , but apparently wealthy, stalker tried to kill Sandra Bullock’s husband, bike and car modder Jesse James this week.

Cops say that Bullock, along with James’ 10-year-old child, looked on in horror as Marcia Valentine “attempted 3 or 4 times to run Jesse James over with her silver Mercedes.” Jesse was never struck by the car during the alleged incident. We’re told Valentine also “laid in the driveway and wouldn’t move.”(source)

Fucking stalkers. When will they learn? You know why every stalker turns out to be a wide eyed fucking idiot that lives an a fantasy world? Because if they weren’t they would be called assassins. It’s all about follow through.

Interesting typo fact! Apparently Jessie Jane is not a motorcycle aficianado, or a even cowboy, but she does seem to like things shoved up her tailpipe. QED. here’s some Sandy Bullock. We’re buds. For reals.

When the hell did this happen? Is this an episode of America Undercover? People have to stop confusing me. This shit is getting ridiculous. First Jessica Simpson looks hot one day and the next she looks like my grandmother and now this. My penis is getting a headache. The last time I saw Britney, she was bald, crying and oozing Cheetoe sweat and Menthol smoke. Now she looks like a hot stripper that I would seriously consider a lapdance from. As long as she doesn’t cry. I hate it when the stripper cries.

Hey isn’t that Paris Hilton driving?  “But golly“, you might say (because you’re so naive and stupid),”she has a suspended license, FOR DUI and she was already arrested for driving under suspension. She can’t have been granted driving privileges this soon.” Well guess what dumbass? She did. In case you forgot, the world is completely fucked up and rich whores like this always win and people who try to do the right thing always get fucked in the ass by the rich whore’s daddy.

Hilton was spotted behind the wheel of her Bentley again early this morning, sparking reports in the US that she had broken the law once more. However, her lawyer Howard Weitzman confirmed to TMZ.com that her driving suspension had been lifted, allowing her back on the road. (source)

I’m from South Carolina and we have the loosest DUI laws in the land. Everyone drives drunk. It’s not uncommon to get another DUI on the way to your DUI hearing. Free ride! You can literally be in court for your 12th DUI and, as long as you didn’t kill anyone, you can go home that day on a personal recognizance bond. You get to go home, but you know what they don’t give you? A god damn drivers license. You lose that shit forever. But somehow in LA, if you’re a bazillionaire, they just wipe the dead guy’s blood of the lamination, clean the hair and bone fragments out of your grill and send you on your way. Toodles!

What the hell? How the hell can Jessica Simpson go from areola peaking perfection (which was just TWO DAYS AGO), to this? Did she travel through time? Did she become a middle school teacher? Holy hell, I’m confused. Can you retroactively renege on masturbation? Oh yeah. She also pissed the bed drunk in Rome. Or at least that’s what this blind item would have you believe

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? “Also, she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex,” says a snitch. (source) (via)

That’s fucked up, but I’m more concerned with what the hell is going on under that shirt. It’s like the Philadelphia Experiment. I keep waiting for her dog to run up and barely recognize her. Is that Japanese coin she’s holding? More HQ’s of Jessica and her flapjacks are here.

UPDATE: Sexy, yet whorish sounding Jolene, reminded me that the scene with the dog is actually from The Final Countdown, which was also a solid film about a navy ship going back in time. Whatever.

UP-UPDATE: Another sexy forensic scientist wrote in and said after she examined these pics Jessica’s boobs weren’t that bad. Her hair tendril was giving the illusion on flabby titties. You decide.