NSFW – Fatback Media

Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly on The Office) busted her ass coming out the LA restaurant Buddkan Monday night and broke four bones in her spine. I’m not trying to be funny. She really busted her ass.

The pretty brunette was celebrating her series being renewed Monday night with friends when she slipped on the restaurant’s marble steps and fractured four bones in her back. A friend said she spent the night in St. Vincent’s hospital and had to cancel an appearance on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and a Harper’s Bazaar shoot. Fischer’s rep, Lewis Kay, said yesterday she’s “doing much better and is resting at her hotel. Her husband [director James Gunn] flew in to be with her.” (source)

Normally I would be mean and make a sexist joke about how most of the girls I sleep with end up with back trouble too, but that’s never really made sense to me. Besides they have to sign a waiver before they can get into the trapeze sling. Anyway. I think Jenna Fischer is cute a button and my friend Kathie says she’s nice as can be. Plus she has a filthy mouth and I fucking love that. I hope she gets better soon. Because that sling is fucking dangerous, girl. I hope you have AFLAC. Here’s some more of Jenna with an unbroken back.

What the hell happened to Cate Blanchett? She went from Galadriel elvish hotness to Nosferatu OH MY GOD DON’T BITE ME. The hell, Cate? I can’t tell if like she needs a transfusion or a priest. If I saw her walking down my street at night I would stab her with a broken broom stick without asking any questions and add another clove to my garlic necklace.

Obviously she’s gravely ill or she has an eating disorder and if it’s the latter, allow me to call bullshit on that noise. Why do girls think that eating disorders are the answer? Guess what? Weighing less than a 100 lbs and rattling like a box of pencils when you walk is not sexy. It’s fucking gross. Girls are supposed to have curves and not look like they took the E train to Auschwitz. Before you get all pissy about my insensitivity, wait, because I’m trying to make a fucking point. Starving yourself is selfish. It’s all about you and what your fucked up body self image is about. It doesn’t matter what you think is thin and/or sexy. It matters what we think is sexy. And by we, I mean the unselfish people (men and women, baby!) who used to want to hit that shit until you fucked it all up by being a selfish bitch. PS. Eat a god damn sandwich. Here’s a comparion of Cate now and At the Oscars a while back.

Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 Days in jail for violating the terms of her probation for a driving under the influence arrest. You remember, right? That’s the one where she drove to court on a suspended license? Yeah, that one. Although Paris was reportedly quite the picture of the contrite sweet young girl run afoul, but in the end, the judge (like the rest of the world) wasn’t buying it.

“I’m very sorry, and from now on I’m going to pay complete attention to everything. I’m sorry, and I did not do it on purpose at all.” (source)

Which probably would have gone over well if she hadn’t thrown her publicist Elliot Mintz under the bus right after that.

The judge called out [Paris'] rep Elliot Mintz in court, describing his testimony as “completely worthless.” He also told Paris that he did not believe that she was unaware of her license suspension, adding that she had paperwork in her car stating that her license was suspended. (source)

I was going to throw a Paris in jail countdown party and revel in the fact that a spoiled rich brat who shits on people all the time, but never expects any consequences was finally going to get her comeuppance and the world would be set right, but then I remembered that the world sucks and Paris’ family is rich so she’ll probably only serve a day or two in jail. They’ll chalk it up to “overcrowding” and let her go. Meanwhile the single mom who was arrested for shoplifting baby formula will serve her full term while her children get to stay in the sweet facilities down at the LA Social Services offices. Justice is blind baby, unless you stuff a wad of cash in her g-string. Whore. Speaking of…here’s another ubiquitous Paris Hilton upskirt. Yawn.

Lindsay Lohan, who publicly describes how she loves to be photographed by paparazzi, recently stated that the press is the reason why she doesn’t have an Oscar.

“The thing about the press and why they need to leave me the [bleep] alone for a little bit is because I don’t want that distraction from my work,� she told the mag. “I want to get a nomination. I want to win an Oscar. I want to be known for more than, like, going out. For being ‘the party girl.’ I hate that. I bust my [bleep] when I’m filming, and when I gave time off, yeah, I like to go out and dance.� (source)

My opinion on what it takes to really win an Oscar aside (any movie by a prolific director where there is a least two of the following: a dead or missing child, a dingo and/or lovable ape, a (preferably female) serial killer with a sad story, a raped person who fights the system, or a town that gets poisoned by a corrupt company is a shoe in), you have to at least be good at acting to get an Oscar.

It doesn’t matter how much coke you do off the director’s penis, and how many times you dance with your tits out, it’s not going to get you an Academy Award. You don’t need to know who Stanislavski or Strasberg were but you have to be able make people believe that you have more depth than a ditzy teen or coke whore. [America's high schools are full of those. Watch out Lindsay!] “Ooooh, Mr Strasberg my motivation is…slutty, right?” Also, it helps if you’re not a complete dumbass. To wit.

“I wouldn’t ever want them to not take my picture,� the “Mean Girls� star told Nylon magazine. “I’d be worried. I’d be like ‘Do people not care about me?’ � (source)

I have no response to that.   Feel free to click the LQ thumbnails, but they, like Lindsay’s acting will not be getting any higher quality. Mouse over or click to see the snarky captions though. When the HQ’s come out, I’ll post them.