NSFW – Fatback Media

Yeah, I’ll say it. Who. Gives. A. Fuck.

There. Now the rest of the world can thumb their noses at little ol’ Valkyrie, a girl who doesn’t give two shits about the Becks bending whatever it is he bends, or some dumbass NFL player who was dumb enough to get caught in a dog fighting racket. Nope, and I don’t care about the welfare of these dogs. Why? Because I don’t. I’m betting about a few million other people don’t either.

Oh, there will be a ton of pissed off PETA bitches whining about the poor, loyal pit bulls and other doggies who got bit the fuck up and killed.

Yeah, well, fuck ‘em.

I have an idea that will solve my give-a-fuckedness. Take the Bex, Vick, and four or five fighting pit bulls, put them all in a large enclosure with an electric fence and a closed circuit camera. Sell video.

Now that’s something I would love to cover. So why do I have pictures of hot naked biker chicks? Well, because that’s way hotter than dead doggies, sugar! PS. Sorry about the pic of your mom. Slut!

Well okay. It’s his ex-wife, but he’s gay and she’s a has-been, hottie, homewrecker, which (alliteration aside) still qualifies this for white trash headline of the week (WTHOW), even though it happened in Canada. Eh?

Skating with Celebrities star Kristy Swanson was arrested late Saturday night for allegedly assaulting the ex-wife of her companion and former skating partner, Lloyd Eisler, Swanson tells PEOPLE.

Swanson was released on $500 (Canadian) bail. Officers escorted her into the police station in Kingston, Ontario, after Eisler’s ex, Marcia O’Brien, filed a complaint against Swanson.

Swanson, 37, claims she was attacked by O’Brien in front of Eisler and O’Brien’s children. The actress’s rep, Michael Sands, says Swanson plans to press charges against O’Brien, saying that police took photographs of her back and other parts of her upper extremities to document the injuries. (source)

That’s a whole lotta text for what may be the most boring story I’ve ever heard. Know what’s not boring? Boobies. Here’s Kristy Swanson showing us why the original Buffy is better. Plus that Luke Perry was dreamy.

Links for the nostalgic:

• Jennifer Lopez nude. Es verdad, hombre. (Crave)
• Drunken, half naked girls kissing. Good start to my morning (College Humor)
• Maxim hometown hottie self portraits (drunken stepfather)
• Abagail Clancy still British, still hot and half nude. (FHM)
• Rachel and Legolas? (Yeeeah)
• Alicia Keys looks hot, but I liked her better as a lesbian hooker hit (wo)man. (allie)
• Celebs are just like us! They love tacos too! (City rag)
• America Fererra keeps getting hotter.Fuck yeah! (Evil beet)
• Kim Cattrall decided to stop being a whore. (Gossip or Truth)
• Cute college girl of the week is from my alma mater. Go cocks! (college humor)
• Starts are just like us! They wreck motorcycles too! (Glitterati)
• DemiMoore is old as fuck. But I’d still hit it. (Seriously OMG)
• J-Lo is a shitty dresser. I bet she’s a great Ottoman. (Bumpshack)
• Abi Titmuss is hot and her name sounds dirty. (Bastardly)
• Um, Jordan showing her box again. (Jordan)
• Meg White sex tape in case you missed it. TOTALLY her dude. (Notorious)

Jessica Simpson might be stalking John Mayer. Apparently, her flagging singing/acting/socialiting career has left her chasing pasty white boys. Good thing she has a great rack to keep her alive. Hollywood rulez.

A guest at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood said that on Monday morning John Mayer was yelling into his phone: “He said ‘Jess’ a bunch of times, so I would think he was talking to Jessica Simpson. He looked wiped out, circles under his eyes, and some pal was grabbing him coffee while he was having this fight over the phone. There was a lot I couldn’t hear, but at the end before he hung up, he told her to stop calling, stop texting, stop all of it – leave me alone! He was shaking his head back and forth like, ‘God, make her stop,’ and his friend was sort of chuckling at him.” (source)

Far be it for us to doubt a source, but I’m not so sure about this one. Anyway, let’s assume that this (like all  the other shit we publish) is true. John could just be saying all that just to start gossip. He’s banged every hot chick in Hollywood. It’s not like he’s desperate.

So, how does John looking “wiped out” differ from every other day of the week?? He looks like he’s one transfusion away from full on cadaver. Ok, I haven’t actually seen a cadaver in person. But on CSI Miami that one time…you know, the one where they found the body in the weird place and Horatio made that snappy quip while taking his sunglasses off  just before the opening music?  That was my favorite episode. EVER.

 

Young Brit singer Joss Stone thinks she’s unlucky in love. Maybe it’s because she’s dating the wrong kind of guys..err..girls..err human?

The 20-year-old, who has been desperate to be in a relationship since splitting from her first love Beau Dozier in 2005, is now considering giving up on men altogether. Joss told Britain’s The Times magazine: “I think I’ll have to turn lesbian. “Every girl my age wants to be in a relationship. I haven’t had one in two years and look how that ended. I only wish I had something to tell the gossip columnists.” (source)

See, now that’s the kind of gossip I like to read over my morning cup of joe. Nothing gets my day started quite like young, prurient lesbionage. Actually, nothing gets my day started quite like Marco the house boy’s cocktail of steamy pool sex and vodka crans, but I suppose a 20 year old bitter girl turning to lesbianism is a close second, especially if said girl is wicked hot like Joss Stone. She’s scary, like I’ll stab you with a Sharpie in the middle of the night, laugh until the cops come then act surprised to learn you have ink poisoning kinda scary. Seems a little rash to jump sexes with one soured relationship, but far be it for me to deny her time to explore the softer side and ultimately the private videos that will land on You Tube, then the endless phone calls from mom asking what the fuck? Fuckin’ A, I knew I should’ve said no. Fuck you.