NSFW – Fatback Media

So yeah, in the out of the frying pan into the bong news of the year, Britney Spears just officially lost custody of her kids to her ex-husband Kevin Federline.

L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, “is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court.” (source)

Judge Gordon is a better man than me, because I would have just thrown them in the lion pit at the zoo. That way at least they’d have a shot. Little kids are crafty like that.

Update: Us Magazine has a completly flaccid and un-sizzling update on this story:

Despite losing custody of her sons for the time being, the court specified that Spears must still adhere to the orders from a September 17th hearing, in which she was labeled a “habitual” user of controlled substances. Those orders include: attending counseling, meeting with a parenting coach and submitting to twice-weekly random drug tests. (source)

“Looka dat girl n’dem daisy dukes…”

Jessica Simpson in Daisy Dukes working the slutty honkey tonk bar maid look, except there are no slutty honkeytonk barmaids who look this good. After a lifetime of missed opportunities, failed relationships, unplanned pregnancies and a predilection to men who are either cowboys or bikers, most of these chicks have been pulling the taps too long to be wearing these kinds of outfits – but they still do. And every night they strap in the sagging rack that used to make the boys come running, pull on the too-tight short-shorts, fire up a crumpled Marlboro Red and click on the neon beer signs in the front window -wondering which booze soaked redneck will roll off her later tonight as she cries herself to sleep. Happy Birthday mom.

Britney is back y’all! And if reports are to be believed her new single is going to cement her comeback with salacious lyrics and tough sexy attitude. OR. It will be a uncomfortable display of awkwardness that makes all her friends who listen to it stare at their shoes or the ceiling and say, “Um, yeah. Your dress is soooo pretty, Brit”

The new dance track meant to resurrect the pop tart’s stale career is out, and it begins with a defiant declaration: “It’s Britney, b—h.”

I’m not good at hangman, but I think that’s supposed to say,”It’s Britney, bench” and if so well, I think I just had an orgasm. Britney doesn’t really need the money from album sales, however…

Her average monthly income is a whopping $737,868, according to court documents filed by ex-hubby Kevin Federline, who’s seeking custody of their young sons Sean Preston, 23 months, and Jayden James, 11 months.

K-Fed himself is receiving spousal support of $20,000 per month, according to the documents obtained by TMZ.com. Unfortunately for him, checks for Brit’s baby daddy dry up Nov. 15.

OMFG. What kind of world is it where Britney Spears, a bone sucking dolt can pull 700k a month and the redneck monkey who barebacked her and “left it in” can pull 20K per month, when teachers, soldiers, firemen and police make minimum wage? An awesome one, that’s what. Go capitalism!

(source)

More pics when I get a better connection. Apparently, beer and collard greens do not enhance the wireless reception of this town.

Britney Spears has left executives at her label, Jive Records, stunned after she backed out of a Timbaland produced duet with ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake. The song, which the label hoped would serve as the comeback Britney is looking for, was to be performed at this years VMA’s. Sources can offer no explanation other than Britney Spears is a fucking retard:

“Timbaland set aside a week out of his crazy schedule to do this – and then, just before she was supposed to fly out, Britney abruptly canceled the session and refused to do the song. “It’s crazy,” the insider added. “She’s looking for a comeback, and this would have not only been a huge hit, but something she could have opened the MTV Video Awards with and really blown everyone away.” Another insider said, “Listen, everyone is worried. In her mind, her album is done and she’s done enough work . . . She’s an easy target right now, because she’s . . . sick. People like her are sick. It’s like an anorexic who’s sick in the head and needs help. She needs help. It’s sad because what she’s got – and we’ve heard it’s like bipolar disorder – can easily be treated with medication, but she won’t do it.”

Of course Britney was going to fuck this up. It’s Britney. She’s probably recorded 12 songs about cigarettes and pie. And Slim Jims. It’s pretty safe to say that I’d rather listen to firetrucks at an orphanage than anything on this idiot’s album.

Britney driving in LA without her wig, makeup, or sanity:

Britney’s comeback will probably look a little something like this.

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