NSFW – Fatback Media

On November 18th (that’s fresh news!), Britney Spears reportedly walked into the Hustler Store in West Hollywood and sexed the place up with her sensual movements like a sex tiger in heat. Wait. No. She came in high, showed her box to everyone and shoplifted some shit on the way out the door as seen here in the longest pull-quote ever.

Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees “told her they don’t allow people to try on underwear,” a source at the scene says. “She was really upset.”

Adds the source: “She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes.”

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.

An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

Spears’ tantrum only continued. “The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card,” the source tells Us. As payback, “on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!”

(source)

At this point, I think we can agree that Britney is the antichrist. I bet she has that tattoo on her hand that lets her get stuff for free like they told us in Sunday School. So I guess this is the rapture. But I haven’t disappeared yet. What the fuck, GOD?

Britney Spears’ court appointed parenting monitor just filed a disparaging report to the court that portrays an apathetic Britney who’s unwilling to make any effort for her chlidren.

The paperwork, filed under seal to LA Superior Court, claims that “[Spears, 25] paid her [monitor] no attention or respect at all, as if she were some employee whom she could blow off,” the source says.

“Britney’s often distracted and in her own world when she has the kids [Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1] and has a hard time focusing,” the insider adds. “She is adamant that she doesn’t have to listen to anybody — that it’s her way or the highway.”

The report went on to say:

Spears is due in court for the custody battle October 26, and the judge “will not look favorably upon” her, the source says. “This is a very damning report. Who knows if Britney will even show?” (source)

I’ve never seen somebody work so hard to be white trash. Britney Spears took the slutty country-come-to-town stereotype, dipped it in Velveeta, threw in some Vienna sausages, rolled it Cheetoes dust and deep fried it so that now, she makes black footed, pig fucking, toothless, trailer park wife beaters look like royalty. Pig fucking royalty – but that’s not the point. The point is: Do they even have laws in California? Britney Spears could get a sabretooth tiger to babysit her kids and she would only get sentenced to 20 pushes on a swing set. Weeeeee!!!

In what could be the lamest news all day, Britney Spears was seen leaving a Los Angeles “Medical Building” last night where it is believed that she received some cosmetic enhancements. It looks like she has some lip injections; that, or else she’s one day closer to learning not to talk back to her man. According to TMZ:

Britney Spears practically had her hand surgically attached to her face as she tried to leave a Beverly Hills medical building late Thursday afternoon. But what was she so desperately trying to hide? (source: TMZ)

Oh Snap! No. They. Din’t. See how they used the term surgically right before they talked about the Medical Building? That’s writing folks. That’s why they have a tv show and eleventy millions hits a day and I have write my posts on an etch-a-sketch.

Britney Spears is going to be HEALED! Apparently, when a judge decided that a red neck, wigger was the lesser of two evils and gave K-FED custody of her two children, Britney decided it was time to take the matter to the Lord. Or Indian spirit. Or something.

[She] is said to have organised the meeting with a head shaman near a reservation at the base of America’s Grand Canyon.

A source said: “The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour.

“The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her.” (source)

Then they will add some nice chicken stock and a bouquet garnis to the pot, spatchcock her plump body and add a little ‘essence’. BAM!