See that? That is a salacious headline folks. I don’t like to brag, but they don’t teach that shit in journalism school. That comes from years of walking a beat, doing the research and following leads to get the story. Other bloggers may have fancy pants degrees from respected ivy covered liberal arts schools, but did they live blog the Vietnam War? No. No they did not. The key to writing a good story is coming up with a compelling headline that is evocative with just a hint of scandal, then diving right into the story so the readers will be instantly immersed in the narrative. Going on and on about unrelated or tangential information will only cause the reader to become disinterested and stop reading. Where was I?

Jamie and Lynne Spears arrived this morning at the County courthouse in downtown L.A. Sources say both parents are extremely concerned about the welfare of their daughter, and upset because Sam Lutfi is trying to call the shots on all matters Britney.

The court has the power to create a conservatorship, which would allow both Jamie and Lynne to make medical decisions on behalf of Britney. The conservatorship would also allow them to control Britney’s financial affairs. (Source)

What better way to show their love and support by taking control of her assets? It’s really kind of sweet, like Macbeth!

Even though her children have taken from her “indefinitely”, Britney Spears still finds time to reflect and lament her dire and pitiful situation. Wait, I mean she parties like a drunk sorority girl.

“(Spears) is to have telephonic contact with the minor children,” Commissioner Scott Gordon ruled at last week’s hearing. “All prior orders remain in full force and effect.”

The pop singer, 26, has been forbidden to see her sons Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1, for more than three weeks, following her Jan. 3 custody standoff, which ended with her brief hospitalization.

Despite two attempts by her lawyers to regain her visitation rights, Spears cannot see her kids indefinitely, the judge has ruled. (source)

There is something disturbingly sexy about a mentally unstable mother who shirks responsibilities to her children so she can go party with her underwear showing. Maybe it’s the hollow, vacuous stare hidden by sunglasses that really turns me on. All I know is that she makes me want to buy her Newports and tampons. RRrreow!

Britney Spears showed up for court yesterday wearing the same clothes she had on the day before and still sporting the British accent. Cheerio!

Accompanied by Sam Lutfi, the poptard, who was furiously biting her nails, sported the same jeans, boots and $475 L.A.M.B. handbag she was seen in yesterday at Petco. When she arrived at Mark Vincent Kaplan’s office, a braless Britney pulled down the neck of her shirt to expose her shoulders and addressed photographers in a British accent. (source)

So, instead of putting on a suit and showing up for court prepared to fight for her children, Britney showed doing the the walk-of-shame with freshly fucked hair, no bra and her panties in her pocket. If I was the judge I wouldn’t let her have custody of a six piece Chicken McNugget meal, although that might get a little more attention than her kids.

Britney Spears still may not visit her children, a court commissioner ruled Monday, following a custody hearing the pop singer missed.

Kevin Federline, who testified at the session, maintains sole legal and physical custody of their two sons Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1, “indefinitely,” a court spokesman says. (source)

Finally a judge with some balls. Although, feeling relieved that Kevin Federline has sole custody of too small children is kind of like feeling relieved that the hooker you accidentally killed didn’t have syphilis.

On November 18th (that’s fresh news!), Britney Spears reportedly walked into the Hustler Store in West Hollywood and sexed the place up with her sensual movements like a sex tiger in heat. Wait. No. She came in high, showed her box to everyone and shoplifted some shit on the way out the door as seen here in the longest pull-quote ever.

Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees “told her they don’t allow people to try on underwear,” a source at the scene says. “She was really upset.”

Adds the source: “She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes.”

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.

An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

Spears’ tantrum only continued. “The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card,” the source tells Us. As payback, “on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!”

(source)

At this point, I think we can agree that Britney is the antichrist. I bet she has that tattoo on her hand that lets her get stuff for free like they told us in Sunday School. So I guess this is the rapture. But I haven’t disappeared yet. What the fuck, GOD?