NSFW - Fatback Media

Kellie Pickler appeared on American Idol last night sporting a new look to the amazement of everyone.

Hmm. What is it about Kellie that’s different? Is it her hair? No. Hrm. Oh, maybe she got her teeth whitened? No. Maybe a tan? Nah. She’s still kinda pasty. New nail polish? WHAT IS IT?

Pickler stopped by the ratings juggernaut to perform her new single in a dress that showed off two very large assets suspiciously absent from last year’s show.

Her transformation was so apparent, even Ryan Seacrest noticed. When she appeared on stage, he looked at her new figure, then asked her if there was anything she’d bought with her recent cash windfall. (Once the snickering died down, a giggling Pickler …replied “shoes.”) (source)

Ooooooh. The Bigasstitties. That’s it. How obtuse of me. I could probably do a side-by-side comparison with graphs and charts all CSI style, but nobody really cares about seeing a hick with small boobies now do they? Yeah they’re fake but this country was built on the premise that anyone, no matter how insignificant, can make their dreams come true if the they have a little moxie, a little faith, a little luck and a big ass rack of DD’s. Amen.

More Kellie and one of Antonella Barba, so I can pay rent this month. Totally related.

Kellie Pickler returned home this week to Albamarle NC driving a vintage 1968 Mustang according People Magazine’s website. She was greeted by thousands of fans plus a convicted felon: her daddy.

Pickler hadn’t seen her dad, Clyde “Bo” Pickler, in more than three years. He was just released after serving time in Florida State Prison for stabbing a fellow trailer park resident in 2003 and attempting to run down police who were in pursuit of him.

“Throughout my 19 years, I’ve had my ups and downs,” Pickler told the crowd as she shared the stage with her father, reports the Charlotte Observer. “I know a lot of people would think I’d have a lot of resentment toward this person, and I don’t. I feel blessed to have him back into my life.”

She added, “I’ve been prayerful when this person came back to Albemarle, he’d be given a second chance. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them.” To her father, she said, “I love you. And am so glad to have you back in my life.”

He said of Kellie, whom he hugged and lifted off the ground as his eyes welled up with tears: “It’s a God-sent blessing that she’s overcome what she has in her short life and all she’s accomplished, and I’m just extremely proud of what she’s done.” (source)

He went on to say how he would do his best to to not stab any more people in trailer parks, but if he did happen to stab someone he would do his best to make sure it wasn’t in a trailer park, maybe say, the mall or something, and he would try real hard to get away this time, because he wouldn’t want to see Kellie saddened again by his going back to prison.

In honor of Kellie Pickler’s dad, Clyde Pickler busting out of being set free from prison today, I’d like to launch a new feature for this site: Where in the World is Kellie Pickler? In the weeks to come we will present Kellie having fun and frolicking in a variety of situations to the amusement of all. First we’ll show you where she is, then as we progress, we’ll make it a little harder. We’ll give you clues and you’ll have to find her. We’ll have winners and prizes and shit so, it’ll be worth it to kill your day on an internet adventure. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You might just see some boobies. Stay tuned!

UPDATE!

Kellie Pickler Killed David Palmer! What would Jack Bauer do? (WWJBD?)

Well another country-come-to-town girl with a southern twang is taking her IROC back up the dirt road to the trailer. Kellie Pickler is gone from IDOL. I guess she’ll be the next big star at the Cut Hut in Albermarle once she gets her beauty license. While I fry up some more okra and cornbread y’all check out these links. I rock in my IROC!

Melissa Joan Hart still has some junk in her trunk. I guess Clarissa can’t explain how to lose the baby weight. (The Bastardly)

Cindy Margolis used to be a kurva but a billion dollars in plastic surgery and 20 years later and she’s about to do Playboy. Meh, still a kurva… (IDLYITW)

Jessica Alba nip-slip. Well almost. Well, not really at all but there is kind of a see-thru thing going on, but honestly my head hurts from squinting. (Hollywood Tuna)

Charlie Sheen is sued by an obsessed woman. Maybe he called her a non-sensical racial slur? (TMZ)

Chris Evans pitches a trouser tent on the set of the Nanny Diaries for Scarlett Johansson. I pitched a tent just writing this post. But I’m naked except for the KFC wet-nap I have in my lap. Lemony! (Best Week Ever)

BJ Novak found time from his busy schedule of not being as famous as John Krasinski to be interviewed at GMMR. (GMMR)