NSFW - Fatback Media

I only watch American Idol because I’m drunk by 9:00 on any given night and I can’t find my remote so I just watch whatever channel happens to be on. Last night was a so-called “elimination” night where they make everyone cry, then humiliate the eliminated contestant by making them sing while balling their eyes out. Great fun.

So last night, Tony Bennet was supposed to sing, but I guess his sundown syndrome wore off and he fucking never showed up. So they called Michael Bublé to fill in. Apparently the call rang his cell phone at a bar, because as it turns out, Michael was completely drunk and had just done a rail of coke. It was hilarious. He stumbled around on stage and sang like shit and when he was done he asked Ryan Seacrest if he was wasting his vote by still voting for Antonella Barba. Not at Michael. Not. At. All.

• Hayden Panetierre wearing seethru. Go ahead and click it perv. She may be 16, but she smokes and whores around with Paris Hilton. Innocence lost. (DS)
• I’m a famous blogger. Go ahead. Ask me. (One Blog A Day)
• Britney Spears got divorced and she’s paying K-Fed 25K a month to babysit her kids 4 days a week. (Yeeeah)
• Abigail Clancy is a hot coke whore model who bangs sports stars. Like your mom. (Bumpshack)
• Some chick on an MTV show nobody watches got some new tits. (IBBB)
• Lucy Pinder, wait for it…naked. I know, right? So unlike her. (JIMH)
• Rose Mcgowan and Rosario Dawson naked with bullets. Pants. Just. Exploded. (Bastardly)
• Hot college stripper asses. (CH)

Ok. So I know that pic is not of Antonella Barba. But Google shut down my Adsense for those pics in an earlier post. Google is awesome. I want them to fuck me in the ass. Wait they already did.

Alright chil’ren. Simmer down. I’ve been down south honky-tonkin’ for 10 days and I have never been so drunk. I went down and Bible-thumped my way through the south eating at every greasy spoon I could find by day and drinking till dawn in every bar that had live music. The posting has been for shit and I am currently trying out a new server situation because of traffic. You bitches are slowing me down, and the Freebird’s gotta fly, right?

Speaking of down south, I just got the Erin Daily (of Television Without Pity fame) interview completed. It is almost 100% not made up. Erin is the recapper for my former favorite show, Alias. Currently she lives in my neck of the woods (Charleston, SC) and she answered my questions for our kissing cousin site, GiveMeMyRemote.com Forums. Read the full text of the interview here.

Bustah Rhymes body guard killed by gunfire. (Glitterati Gossip) Is there any other way for a gangsta rapper’s body guard to die? Henessey for my fallen homies, yo.

Nikki Cox and her ginormous frontal regions is engaged to Jay Mohr. (WWTDD).

Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split. (All This Nonsense). I guess he’s her second favorite mistake.

Fatback and Collards at MySpace: Join the southern fried fun over at our MySpace account. It’s better than grits n’ gravy.

Watch out girlz! Jessica Simpson may be switching sides. (Subvert Society)

Damn, it’s hard to be a PIMP some days. Our sexy sister site GiveMeMyRemote.com just posted the exclusive interview with NBC’s The Office actors John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer. We worked hard to stalk them down and force them to get this interview. Which, in case you didn’t know, is eXXXclusive. Jenna and John were kind enough to answer all our questions about The Office, themselves and their current side projects. The full transcript of the interview is here. Feel free to go over and sign up for the super sexy forums and discuss this with our other super sexy forum members. And in case you didn’t read between the lines, you must be hott! to discuss in our forums. We have standards, bitches. While I’m at it drop in over at the GMMR Store and pick up some memorabilia. Remember, the Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Veronica Mars actress and not-really-in-high-school-heat Kristen Bell reportedly doesn’t have a social life.

Kristen Bell, claims things are not as
exciting in her private life. "I have no social or personal life
because of the show. It’s a commitment," she admits. "I’m lucky to have
this job and I love it, but you definitely sacrifice your personal life
when you’re doing one-hour television, and I don’t think I realized
that.

Veronica Mars hasn’t really been given the credit it is due, despite good writing and the high percentage of supposedly teen-aged hotties. That’s why it makes it so bittersweet that Kristen doesn’t have time for a social life. I have repeatedly told her that I can work around her schedule. She always has the same lame ass excuse. I just don’t get it. I don’t even know what a restraining order is. But that’s what the cops keep asking me when they beat me with their night sticks. She’s just playing hard to get. Just to show my love for VMars there are more pics of the Neptune High ladies after the jump.(WARNING: Some are NSFW)

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According an article this morning, Michael Vartan is returning to ABC’s Alias.

ABC’s Alias could use a boost, as the show has dropped down to 70th place (7.2 million) for the week ended Sunday, per Nielsen Media Research.

Fans have been very vocal about the studio’s decision to move the Jennifer Garner spy series to Thursday nights, where it’s up against such shows as Survivor, and the producers have heard complaints about the sudden departure of Michael Vartan, whose character Michael Vaughn was supposedly killed in the season five premiere.

The deal officially closed late last week and Vartan returned to work on the Alias set yesterday.

A lot of the readers of this site are women and I have heard some whispers here and there that this site is too geared toward the male readers. Poppycock, I say! Just look how I put that picture of Michael Vartan up there for all the ladies to swoon over. Granted he sitting in the crotch of a sexy spy, who, from what I understand, refuses to wear underwear, but I digress… The point is: I am all for equal rights and treament and shit like that. So, if you’re a girl, then just stare at Michael Vartan up there and pay noattention to the hot pictures of Jennifer Garner below. See?. I rock.

In a setback earlier this week, the person accused of planting a bug at Nicole Kidman’s Sydney Australia home, won an appeal and will not have to provide a DNA sample for the local police.

One of Kidman’s security guards spotted the device near a sidewalk
outside the Oscar-winning actress’ lavish harbor-front mansion in
January.

Police later alleged that celebrity photographer Jamie Fawcett, 43,
had been captured on security camera footage near the house around the
time the bug was planted.

The Waverley Local Court in April ordered Fawcett to supply police with
a DNA sample to be compared with samples allegedly found on the
listening device.

Apparently, Jamie forgot the first rule of espionage: Don’t pleasure yourself on the bug you’re planting at the target’s house, wait till you get back to the van. Its pretty simple to follow.Here’s a good way to find out where you’re going wrong. Right after you connect the audio leads to the junction box, STOP. Now look down. If your pants are down and your right hand is in your underwear, then you fucked up. It happens to best of us. (Sorry about your window Mindy).

The interesting thing about this article is how awesome Australian laws are. Even though a bug was planted by the photographer on camera,

"There was no evidence before the court that the device was ever
used or caused to be used to record or listen to a conversation," Judge
Michael Grove said in his judgment.

He also ordered Detective Malcolm Nimmo, who brought the matter to court, to pay Fawcett’s legal costs.

That just shows you how much better the legal system is in Australia. If I weren’t the subject of litigation right now I would tell that hard-nosed, gumshoe at the 27th Precinct to kiss my ass.

Susan Sarandon is "shocked" at the recent press coverage os renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesnee. According to this article:

Film veteran SUSAN SARANDON was horrified by the amount of press attention devoted to the short-lived marriage of RENEE ZELLWEGER and KENNY CHESNEY, while millions of people are suffering in Sudan.

The DEAD MAN WALKING star is disgusted by the frivolous content of magazines, at the expense of stories of the tens of thousands of people killed in the troubled Darfur region of the African nation.

Sarandon says, "It really blows my mind how the media is using language these days.

"When Renee Zellweger married Kenny Chesney after only knowing him briefly, I couldn’t believe how many people said they were ’stunned’ she would do something that impulsive.

"Stunned! I’ll tell you what I find stunning: how many thousands, if not millions, of people are dying in Darfur and there’s barely any press coverage of that carnage. Now that’s stunning."

I disagree. I am not stunned by the lack of press coverage in Darfur.There’s no oil there, duh. Plus, most of the Darfurian marriages are arranged anyway. Where’s the excitment in that? And, when’s the last time a child star from Darfur showed up drunk at a red carpet event and flashed her boobies. Never. That’s when. I’m not saying we don’t need a strong military presence in Darfur, I’m just saying some drunken red carpet antics wouldn’t hurt their case.

Just to show that I am a diplomat of world peace and international relations. I have posted a nice picture of Susan Sarandon in the Galleries. (NSFW after the jump)

*Update: Just so I don’t get the ususal hate mail from angry readers and/or Ms. Sarandon’s attorney, fell free to help out the people I have just made fun of here:
https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/SaveDarfurCoalition/OnlineGiving.html

Score one for the good guys. Or something.

OK! Magazine has reportedly lost out on the bid for exclusive rights to the Dirty Vegas Sean Preston pics.

According to PageSix.com, OK! magazine has lost out in the bidding to
publish the first pictures of Britney Spears’ baby, Sean Preston Spears
Federline. The magazine which paid a reported 3 million for black and
white wedding photos of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher was said to have
offered up to $2 million for exclusives of Britney Spears, hubby Kevin
Federline and baby Sean Preston Spears Federline.

Britney Spears favorite magazine - People Magazine will publish the
first offical photos. A rep for People declined comment, but a rep for
Spears said, "If this is true, they will probably donate the money to
charity."

That sounds about right. Except I would change the donate to "keep all to themselves" and charity to Kevin Federline.

In other news Britney has reportedly said she will spend millions on personal trainers and nutritionists to get back into the shape she was before she got pregnant. I think she looks great now-especially in that picture above. But then again, I think the girls stumbling out of the strip club at 7:00 am that I see on my way to work every morning look good too. They just need a friend, you know. I can be that friend. Then we won’t need the duct tape.

According to a recent article, Kelley Preston and John Travolta are urging Katie Holmes to have a "silent" birth".

Scientology couple John Travolta and Kelly Preston are urging Katie
Holmes to have a ’silent birth’ when she delivers fiance Tom Cruise’s
baby next year and follow the church’s strict doctrines.

Scientologists
believe children should be brought into the world without any fuss and
be allowed to quietly get used to their surroundings. That means no
music, no chatting and no expressions of pain from the mother.

Preston
explains: "It’s just because everything in moments of pain is really
recorded and you want to have that (the birth) peaceful and clear of
sort of suggestions or different words that can then affect them
(babies) in their future."

Wait. What? No sound at all? Not even maniacal laughter? Unless you are having Rosemary’s Baby, then I am pretty sure its more traumatic to have a kid with creepy cult members quietly staring at your vagina, than pretty much any other way I can think of.  And I am an expert. I have my father’s eyes.  I am sure that the spawn child will thank his biological progenitors someday for the ‘quiet birth’ by becoming the bestest serial killer ever.

*UPDATE- to see what Katie looked like before the Dianetics kicked in click here. (NSFW after the jump)

The great Gawker.com has reported that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have called it quits. The US Magazine Issue that hit the shelves this morning has the newly-split couple on the cover.

After enduring a year of rumors that their marriage was in trouble, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have really split. The bitter back story behind their final decision to separate.

Gawker relates that the article details several reasons for the untimely breakup including:

…creepy-dad Joe Simpson, Jessica’s “diva” behavior, and her
fondness for whiskey on the rocks. One of those ubiquitous sources
close to the couple says, “Jessica’s the problem. She’s not the girl
America fell in love with anymore.”

I’m not sure who was even in love with Jessica, but I know we were all (and still are) amazed by her ginormous boobies   meteoric rise to stardom. Again, classic case of country-come-to-town. You take a repressed ultra-Christian teenager, who is not quite sure what to think about those late night back rubs from papa Simpson, and throw her into the bright lights-big city and she’s going to go buck wild. But, here’s how the whole thing is going to play out. She’ll party for a few months a la Lohan , probably do the coke-nudity-public drunkeness trifecta aka pulling a Tara.  Then, when she is burnt right down to the nub and she is an unmarketable property she will cry for Oprah and say she lost touch with the Lord.  A box of Kleenex +  an Oprah confession =  career revitalized.  God I love the south.