Wait. Am I still alseep? Because normally when I see Kate Beckinsale and another hot girl stumbling drunk, wearing schoolgirl uniforms and holding hands that’s when I fly in on my unicorn and give them each a kitten right before they make out. I don’t see a unicorn so I must be awake. Oh wait, there’s Len Weisman wearing some sort of school uniform too. I guess this is for a costume party. Like Tarts and Vicars , where the girls dress up like whores and the guys dress up like priests. Or Pimps and Hoes, where the girls dress up like whores and the guys dress up like pimps. Or Golf pros and tennis hoes, where the guys dress up like golfers and the girls dress up like whores. Wonder why the girls always dress up like whores? Hm. Coincidence? I think not!

What the hell happened to Cate Blanchett? She went from Galadriel elvish hotness to Nosferatu OH MY GOD DON’T BITE ME. The hell, Cate? I can’t tell if like she needs a transfusion or a priest. If I saw her walking down my street at night I would stab her with a broken broom stick without asking any questions and add another clove to my garlic necklace.

Obviously she’s gravely ill or she has an eating disorder and if it’s the latter, allow me to call bullshit on that noise. Why do girls think that eating disorders are the answer? Guess what? Weighing less than a 100 lbs and rattling like a box of pencils when you walk is not sexy. It’s fucking gross. Girls are supposed to have curves and not look like they took the E train to Auschwitz. Before you get all pissy about my insensitivity, wait, because I’m trying to make a fucking point. Starving yourself is selfish. It’s all about you and what your fucked up body self image is about. It doesn’t matter what you think is thin and/or sexy. It matters what we think is sexy. And by we, I mean the unselfish people (men and women, baby!) who used to want to hit that shit until you fucked it all up by being a selfish bitch. PS. Eat a god damn sandwich. Here’s a comparion of Cate now and At the Oscars a while back.