Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly on The Office) busted her ass coming out the LA restaurant Buddkan Monday night and broke four bones in her spine. I’m not trying to be funny. She really busted her ass.

The pretty brunette was celebrating her series being renewed Monday night with friends when she slipped on the restaurant’s marble steps and fractured four bones in her back. A friend said she spent the night in St. Vincent’s hospital and had to cancel an appearance on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and a Harper’s Bazaar shoot. Fischer’s rep, Lewis Kay, said yesterday she’s “doing much better and is resting at her hotel. Her husband [director James Gunn] flew in to be with her.” (source)

Normally I would be mean and make a sexist joke about how most of the girls I sleep with end up with back trouble too, but that’s never really made sense to me. Besides they have to sign a waiver before they can get into the trapeze sling. Anyway. I think Jenna Fischer is cute a button and my friend Kathie says she’s nice as can be. Plus she has a filthy mouth and I fucking love that. I hope she gets better soon. Because that sling is fucking dangerous, girl. I hope you have AFLAC. Here’s some more of Jenna with an unbroken back.

Damn. Pam Beesley is packing some heat. I don’t mean to be sexist, but if more girls dressed like this around the office, life would be a lot nicer. And sexist. Because what’s an office without some good natured sexual harassment? It’s a fun-less, shithole with no coffee or sodas and only one stall in the bathroom, that’s what. That’s why chicks should wear lingerie: to make the day better. Except the lady who works in HR with the big strange mole on her arm shaped like Cuba with the really, really long hairs that grow out of it and work their way up her arm past her elbow. All I’m saying is that she could braid that shit and it kinda scares me because sometimes I think I can see it breathing. Yeah. Anyone but her.

Before you fire off that email missive about how insensitive I am to the plight of the corporate woman, just hear me out. I’m not saying that women should be objectified or that I think that women aren’t as smart as men or that they can’t do any job that a man can do. We all know that they can (most times even better). I’m just saying it would a be whole lot sexier if they did it in lingerie.

Links! And in case you’re an Assman, a shot of Jenna’s other asset. Get it? My stars, that’s rich. I should write a pilot.

• Janice Dickinson is a hot cougar. Or maybe she’s old and scary. (IDLYITW)
• K-Fed is way too cool for your party anyway, dick. (Yeeeah)
• Michelle Bass has very large eyes. Not really, she has giant boobies. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan GQ cover. BORING. Read up on how to fuck a hooker for free by Jesus. (DS)
• Britney left rehab on day 27. She’s a real quitter’s quitter. Whore. (IBBB)
• All my Antonella Barba posts. Because I’m a whore. (FB&C)
• Pirates of The Carribean Trailer (GoT)
• Jenna Jameson is fat. I likes ‘em big. (Bricks and Stones)

Spring is 14 days away and I’m already breaking out the flip-flops and sun tan oil. If there’s anything that Kate Beckinsale has taught me, it’s that Diet Coke and cigarettes are the best way to sexy a beach bod. I can’t wait for all the spring beach parties to start. I’m putting together my A-list right now.

Will you make the cut? Let’s not get cocky, sweetie. There’s plenty to go around but my parties are fucking prestigious and classy. And they never occur until the actual vernal equinox like the druids and the biker chicks like. So be patient. Til then, I’ll be waiting in my house all oiled up and be-flipflopped wearing my airbrushed muscle t-shirt that says “Myrtle Beach ROX!”. Because? It does.

• Kirsten Dundst is hot like fire. Wait I mean. BURN THE WITCH! (Bastardly)
• John Krasinksi is filming in my home town. He’s dreamy. (GMMR)
• Super Rocker and not poseur at all , Jared Leto has his ass kicked soundly by adoring fans. (Yeeeah)
• Shauna Sands and a see-thru top. No clue.(DS)
• Zodiac was good, if you’re anal. I am. Wait, I mean into anal. Get it? Because Jake Gyllenhaal is gay. Right? (Pajiba)
• Vera, the hottest married chick I know is feeling bad this week. Cheer her up by clicking her adsense! (INO)
• Sharon Stone may be a a batshit crazy cougar, but I like a little fight in my kitty. (ICYDK)
• Tori Spelling opens a B&B. I like B&E at my B&B. (Smart)
• Kate Beckinsale without makeup is still hotter than you. I checked. (Allie is Wired)
• What’s better than college girls? Why collge girl boobies, bein sur. (CH)

Mega music and hot daughter producer Quincy Jones recently commented about Nicole Ritchie’s current predicament, citing the pressures of stardom on young people. Jones who is a personal friend of (and former producer for) Nicole’s dad Lionel Ritchie has known her since she was a little girl.

“You get caught up in the peer pressure and the hoopla – it’s a media frenzy. It’s insane. Success doesn’t help,” Jones, 73, told PEOPLE Thursday… in Los Angeles. “Processing success is a major, major, major process.”

Jones, who has seven kids – six of them daughters – added, “I try to tell the young kids there are two cardinal rules: You should approach creativity with humility and have your success with grace. It’s a gift from God. You don’t deserve it. You are a vehicle of a higher power. Don’t abuse it.” (People)

Yawn. The only redeeming quality about this story [that really isn't even about this story] is that Quincy Jones and his bombshell former wife (Peggy Lipton) produced Rashida Jones, who is one of several hot daughters to come out of the Quincy Jones hot daughter factory. I’m not trying to start any conspiracy theories but, Rashida Jones is the master race. HOw else can you explain it? Her dad is a musical genius and mom is a beautiful model actress. Her genetics are so good I think she may have special powers. Take that Hitler.

Jet lag is killing me. I’ve had so much coffee and Red Bulls that I can’t even make a fist. Check out the stuff from around the web.

Meg Ryan is moving to Martha’s Vinyard. (Glitterati)

Hot or not: Jenna Fischer? (I vote hot) (The Bastardly)

My homie GMMR is teaming up with Buddytv.com to TVj The Office tonight. (GMMR)

Kate Bosworth goes to live in Flatland (that’s a physics joke, for you nerds) (INO)

Jennifer Aniston = not engaged. Me = doesn’t give a shit. (ICYDK)

Jerry Springer is going to dance with the stars. Then throw a turkey at them. (Subvert)

Lindsay Lohan boozes and parties with her mother. Just like my mom!. (Bricks and Stones)